Forgive AS Jesus Forgives Me...Really?!?!

 Each Easter Resurrection season I try to watch and take in movies that let me sit with Jesus a while and concentrate deeply on what He endured to bring me my salvation, my forgiveness, and my freedom from sin's grasp on my heart.

So it was again this spring.  The Passion of the Christ is my favorite choice of rememberances for many reasons.  Dozens of facets of what Jesus experienced and what was happening with and to people all around seem accurate and show the spiritual realm clearly.  The reality of Satan being at work is shown vividly in this version of Jesus' sacrifice.

From the very beginning, I am struck with Jesus suffering in the garden, praying to the father in heaven with trust, but also agony..."If this cup can pass, please allow it...BUT, your will, Father, not mine."  Satan roams about Jesus as he prays, challenging his trust in his heavenly father and his sovereign plan for him.  Taunting. Jesus is all alone, without the support of his disciples who keep falling asleep on him.  Then, as the story progresses, I can see how satan was at work in Judas, and the spiritual darkness revolving around that betrayal detail of God's plan for Jesus.  Then, on display is the horrendous jealousy of the Jews, so insidious they are willing to have Jesus tortured and killed in a most gruesome way, just hoping it will put an end to this stir in the hearts of man that Jesus has created through his truth.

Mary peacefully but painfully, in ways I cannot begin to imagine as a mom, entrusts Jesus to the evil that is happening. How many times does she ponder in her heart the things and events that have gone on in Jesus' life as she raised him, remembering the angel telling her he would save his people from their sins.  She has to forgive this horror against her son.  

The story is hard.  I cannot think of better words, as if the appropriate word for such evil does not exist.  Evil. Against sinlessness.

Yet, Jesus took every sin, past, present, and future on himself. The weight of dark sin he bore as he prayed in the garden was immense.  And he was experiencing the Father turning away from him, the hopelessness and pain of that, I can't fathom.  

All of it is happening as Jesus continues to experience sin against him, even praying forgiveness for those who are killing him, the one who 'sold' him to the Pharisees, the friend who would betray his commitment of loyalty and support to Jesus, the Jewish leaders who cry out that his blood could be on their heads, the Jews and others who mocked him, even a thief on the cross near Jesus was taunting him...still his heart's cry was one of forgiveness and mercy.

I am undone by this when I consider that scripture calls me to forgive as Jesus has forgiven me.  He gave up everything to do that.  He endured evil to do that. I don't know that I have such strength spiritually or mentally to follow such an admonition.

It feels too hard. 

To seek revenge would be usurping God's authority and role of 'vengeance getter.'  He declares he will take care of vengeance issues for us.  But, the hunger to deal with such matters on my own is ravenous.

Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you.

How is that? Fully, without continual reminders, entrusting my sin to the Father - acknowledging He knows what his son endured to give it to me.  I'm reminded that Jesus removed my sin far from me, as far as east is from west, in fact.

So, how do I fully forgive?  The human mind twists and turns over and over with reminders of sin against us.  We play scenarios over and over in our mind, and we feel the emotions that are chained to those memories.  Chained.  It is chain that we are bound by as we let those sins against us keep us in turmoil.  Big chains, heavy, unbreakable on our own.

But God.

But God is the god of impossible things.  He makes a way.  He has empowered me and you by his spirit to do exactly what he said to do.  Forgive.

Not a human possibility.  

In the light of remembering Jesus' crucifixion as the gift that forgave me, I am thinking on how I am supposed to forgive the same way.

If I believe the heavenly Father loves me as much as scripture declares, then, the truth is I can trust him.  When I read of being like Jesus and entrusting myself to the one who judges righteously, I am enabled to do just that - entrust myself to him.  And my hurt, my fear, my aching heart.  Scripture is loud and clear on how much Jesus cares about my anxieties - I can truly cast them on him. Toss them right in his lap.  And he will handle them.  I can trust that.  Those are not just words in the Bible. They are truth about what God can and will do for me.  I can forgive others and believe with trust that God knows how much struggle it is to let it go to him, that it is an act of obedience that isn't about my feelings, but my trust in him to honor my obedience, give me peace, and to deal with the offender.

I can trust God to deal with the 'splinter' in my offender's eye as I consider the log in own. And if I am honest with myself, truly and deeply honest, my log is sequoia sized. 

Splinter vs. Sequoia.  Both given over to God to transform.

That thinking leads me to a better grasp of forgiving.  Jesus had a whole lot to cover for me when he hung on that cross.  My sin, weighed against 'their' sin, is a humbling consideration when I think on not wanting to forgive someone.  Concentrating on this truth is another aid in being able to forgive. Thinking realistically.

A hard truth to feed on is that I must forgive as God forgives me; and I must do so to remain in right relationship with him.  But, remembering his love and care make this possible, this hard choice, this letting go of the noose I am holding around someone's neck, entrusting the situation and sin against me to him.

Sometimes, the issue needing forgiveness isn't a 'sin' against me. It may be an inconvenience cast on me by someone, or an inadvertent comment that was truly painful, being left out of something special, or just their choices that affect me.  Still, forgiveness is needed.  My concentrating on the truth that God knows, He is at work in each situation of my life to lead me, teach me, transform me, and draw me to himself are all actions of taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ and bringing my mind peace in the process.

Forgiveness is possible.  Freedom from an unforgiving heart is possible and powerful. Freedom from grudge holding, ruminating thoughts of irritation, and living with hurt feelings is a possibility when I obey the command to forgive.

It is possible when I understand forgiving is not a feeling. It is an action.  I can forgive, and so can you, when you choose the act, then know that what your feelings cannot overcome is already covered wholly by the blood of Jesus draining down that cross.  That is fact.  Not feeling.

The most fabulous power in this choice and act of obedience is the truth of how much the Father in heaven loves me, us, and cares for us, knows our days, sees us and pursues us.  When I am hurting, I can still forgive the one who hurt me knowing I am deeply loved and cared about by God.  Those folks are getting away with nothing, as is usually our fear about forgiving, because God knows.  They either need his love desperately in their own life,or they need his discipline.  He can be entrusted to disperse the proper treatment of offender.  And if my own heart is at rest and peace before him, I will be profoundly joyful to see that person come to repentance and right relationship with God.  I can know they must have been in some deep hurt or sin of their own to do such things to me.  But, knowing God loves me without withholding, I can rest in that safely as I hope for that person's own relationship with him.   I don't have to be in angst hoping he makes them pay because my heart at peace will prefer knowing they come to peace with him, too.

These things seem crazy at times, but God's word is true, his commands are real, and his love is just as real.  I can forgive, as I am forgiven, and know I am loved in it.  Nothing is being tossed aside by the Father.  God does, and will continue doing, the actions needed in each of my situations and relationships.  That trust is the power needed for forgiving.

Think on his love for you, his forgiveness of your own sins and mess ups, and great love for you.  God is so trustworthy.  

Thank you for your love and your forgiveness, Father. 

Thank you for empowering me, and all of us, to rest in you as we forgive others.

You are mighty, Lord.

The Art of Being Still: My Hiding Place

The Art of Being Still: My Hiding Place: Psalm 32:7   You are my hiding place, you keep me from trouble, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.   As a little girl, sitt...

My Hiding Place

Psalm 32:7   You are my hiding place, you keep me from trouble, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.  

As a little girl, sitting in a pew at Liberty Baptist Church in Toledo, Ohio, I would often be placed between my folks.  My young mind and heart were not much interested in the sermon, so I would doodle on paper my mom would provide.  

Oftimes, my dad would take off his suit coat for me and let me put it on my shoulders.  I loved this because it smelled of him, Aramis cologne, mmm, such a good smell.  But, even more, what I enjoyed and gave me the secret thrill inside was leaning forward, covering my head with the jacket, and hiding in the 'dark' as I doodled.  My young mind believed I was well hidden and no one could see me. Silly, I know, but the most fun of feelings.

Protected. Safe. Hidden.  Nothing could 'get' me.

These were my feelings then.

I was sure of each of them.  

Now, fifty years later, I am thinking again of the delight at being hidden and secure.But my dad's suit coat is no where nearby.  

My hiding place is the Lord.

If a tornado is coming, you take shelter.  When a robber breaks into your home as you sleep, you awaken to the noise and if no weapon of protection is available, you hide, sneak your family to closets, attic stairways, anywhere secret and hidden.  When a horrendous school shooting takes place, teachers and students hide under desks, behind shelves or doors. Hiding from the sight of danger makes us feel secure and protected. 

The world is full of pain and suffering, hurt and harassment, fearful situations, and mean people.  Often, there is no closet to hide in from such things, no matter the form they take.

But.  

There is the heavenly Father and his gift of the spirit to us.

The psalmist cries out, "YOU are my hiding place, you fill me with songs of deliverance."

I can trust in Him.

As I look at my Bible lately, I am struck by words like safety, shelter, deliverance, hiding place, refuge, covering, rescue, protective shield, dwelling place, and no harm coming to me.  Wow.  These notions overwhelm my soul as I consider God's Word, his constant care of me, his anointed child. 

When anxiety comes, I can thank the Father in heaven that He sees me, and is hiding me in the shelter of his wings, as a bird protects its offspring.  

Psalm 91 tells me that the Lord's thoughts towards me are this:  

Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name. When he calls out to me, I will answer him.  I will be with him in trouble.  I will rescue him and give him honor.  I will satisfy him with a long life and show him my salvation. 

Deliver.  Rescue.  Protect.  Satisfaction.

Also

The Lord will cover you with his pinions, you will take refuge under his wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.  You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day.

Again, refuge, protective shield, no fear, covered.

The Lord Jesus is my daddy's suit coat.  That place I feel hidden, unseen by evil or fear, no one can get to me.  Even as the world continues on in its ways of darkness, and war rages in the spiritual realms where I don't see it, but I experience its affects.  I am safe. Shielded.  Hidden. Rescued.  Protected. Delivered.

When you are hurting, broken deep within, lonely, attacked by others, remember that the Lord is your hiding place.  He will fill you with his songs of deliverance as you thank him for caring for you, knowing your anxiety, and going before you in those circumstances.  Feel the protection and refuge like I did as a girl when cloaked in darkness and safety under the sweet scent of my father's presence near me.  His covering offered me as I sat in church.  The Father's covering offered you merely because you are his precious child and He loves you intensely.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for Jesus, for your spirit, for being my deliverance always, my shelter and rescue.  You fill my heart.  There is nothing but praise for you.  You are so worthy.  I love you, Lord.  Amen.

Let your heart be filled with his songs of deliverance today.  Always.

Blessings to you, precious friends.

Love, Gayle

                                                   

 

Take Up Your Cross - Do I Have To?

Luke chapter nine tells the portion of Jesus' life when he asks his disciples who they say he is - 'Who do you say that I am?'  They testify that he is the Christ, the anointed one, sent from God in heaven.

Then, Jesus goes on to say he must suffer many things and if they want to follow him, they must 'take up their crosses' and follow him.  He goes on to challenge the core of their thinking by telling them that people who want to save their own lives will most certainly lose them, but those who lose their lives because of him will actually save them.

What does this mean to me? To you? Single mom, single dad, betrayed spouse, hurting parent?

Often, when reading this passage, we are led to think of being called to participate in missions overseas or some such sacrificial service to the kingdom of God.  We think of denying ourselves when asked to teach Sunday school, or lead youth group, or work in a nursery.  

Taking up our cross is frightening talk when we really consider what it means to do so.  The cross was a horrid method of death.  It was, and is, NOT like the pretty jewelry we wear on our necks or wrists.  The haloed imagery of Jesus, with calm face looking down, like we see in many artist renditions of the crucifixion, is also not the truth of its horror.  

The cross was not lovely. In fact, the cross is called foolishness to those that are perishing.

I Corinthians 1:18 - The message of the cross is foolishness to them that are being destroyed, but it is the power of God for those of us who are being saved.

Many of God's people, during Jesus' day, thought he was coming to save the world from its troubles and traumas using strength, might, glory, power, and strategic wisdom against those who made them suffer.  Instead, God used a cross to save them.  A miserable, shameful, tormenting tool which, in the beginning, made it look like God lost. Jesus was gone.  But, he rose victorious.  He won.  And he saved the world by doing so.  But, he suffered to do it.  Legitimately, this seemed ridiculous to many then and still today.

Jesus did not stand and fight over whether he deserved such torture.  He didn't protect himself.  He didn't rip and tear away from the hands of those who led him to the rack for the cat of nine tails that would gouge flesh from his rib cage and shoulders and sling blood all about his face and those of onlookers.  He entrusted himself to the one who judges righteously and submitted to what looked like ultimate loss.

It is this submission to what looks like loss that I am wondering about today as I consider taking up my cross and following after Jesus.

What if doing this in life today stands in the context of walking in the pain of the betrayals brought to us by the sins of others?  or divorce?  or lies told to us or about us by folks who can do a great deal of damage with them? or severely disappointed hope?

Is God asking me to take up my cross, accept what has happened, entrust myself to the one who judges righteously in my life, submit to the sovereignly planned events of my life that can come at the hands and choices of others, and let God build my life in him through those things?

I'm having an inkling that applying this scripture to today, without taking it too far out of Biblical context, means just that.  God is at work  - truly at work - empowering the spirit in me, and you, to trust him, love from his love, give from his mercy, and shed anxiety of this world by the events of our lives that, when yielded to his trustworthy hands, will bring glory to Him. And isn't that the ultimate goal of living on this earth, yet dwelling in his kingdom?

The ultimate gift to us in all our 'crosses' is Christ in us, the hope of glory.  This is what is being built in us.  When you are willing to take up your cross, carry the pain of it, walk in the anxiety that might come with any given situation, entrust it to God rather than wallow in it without trust, glory in the weakness it brings because the power of Christ rests upon you for handling it - THEN, the wisdom of God rests on you, then, Christ's power and strength are being shown in you, then, Christ is shown in you as the great savior and redeemer and refuge he is for this world.

Commit with me to considering this admonition from Jesus. Take up your cross and follow him.  Take up the pain and disappointment in your life - from divorce, betrayal, lies, lost relationships, children making bad choices - and entrust yourself to the one who judges righteously, as Jesus did.  Let the power of Christ rest upon you as your let all those things have their perfect work in you. 

Praying for you brothers and sisters in Jesus. 

Waiting at the Altar

Whenever I attend a wedding, my favorite moment of the whole event is when the bride enters the sanctuary, or the entrance aisle, where she makes her appearance in the gown chosen for THE big day.  But, it isn't her entrance that is exciting to me. It is the chance to get to turn and watch the groom as he sees his bride, for the first time that day, in her beauty and radiance.

Do it the next time you attend a wedding. You can see the bride in all her glory as she gets to the altar, you can see her gorgeous look all day. But, only in that split second can you capture the stunned countenance of a man who is seeing his love make an entrance planned just for him; months or even years in the making, she is walking towards him to be his until death parts them.  Getting to look at his face and body react to her is a treasure itself.  The groom's love, shock, overwhelmed emotions - so much in just that moment before he can gain his composure. If you don't look quickly enough, you will miss this unrepeatable moment.  Priceless is the only word I can grasp for describing it.

When my son married his precious Hannah, I did not look at her at all when she entered the sanctuary to become his forever partner. I just watched him.  Seeing him experience such delight was a gift I shall never forget receiving.

A bridegroom's expectant joy over his bride is delightful for him.  It is his own personal pleasure, his alone - each man experiencing feelings that are private to him, yet, shown to the audience world as they see him respond in both countenance, body, tears, and often, exclamations.  We can imagine the fabulous electricity flowing through his veins as he sees her and knows she is joyfully walking that aisle to greet him with a "yes, I will be yours forever."

Scripture tells me, us, that I am the bride of Christ; that he is the beloved bridegroom awaiting his bride in all her glory - that one day, he will come to take me, us, to be with him, and he will come in radiant glory and splendor to greet us, welcome us to be his own forever.  Can you envision it after giving a bit of thought to grooms you have seen on their wedding day?

The beauty industry offers fabulous services for brides on their special day - hair, nails, face - all transformed to make any woman look like a princess.  Even the most beautiful of women is made even more lovely by the radiance of her joy, plus the care of a beautician or good friend who 'does her hair and make up' for the wedding day activities.  And for those gals who don't usually do a great deal of 'fancy schmancy' updo work to their hair, or make up to their face, the wedding day beautification is such delightful fun to make them feel absolutely fabulous about how they look for the groom in their gorgeous dress.

Now, ponder with me yourself as the bride.  Maybe you feel a bit frumpy,  jittery, not perfect for the day - blemishes across your chin and forehead will surely mar the perfect make up job.  Your hair just won't hold the curls as you want.  And the dress - egads - it fit at the fitting last week, but now it feels tight!!   Ugh.  Horrors.  You want to be nothing short of stunning.

But your Bridegroom awaits you.  His anticipation is energetic.  He knows you are nervous.  He is loving you from afar, wishing the most delightful of days for you.  Truly, he believes with his whole being that you are perfect for him - there is no doubt.

Jesus is that Bridegroom.

You are his bride.  Man or woman, you are his chosen love. Accepted, wanted, loved.

What is even more astounding to know is that he has done all the work of making you glorious and beautiful. He has prepared the garment you will wear as his bride - clothing of pure righteousness, whiter than snow as it reflects the light of the sun.  The bridegroom has made sure the clothing fits you - he has perfected your being so that the garment you wear is stunning for you.  The Word of God says he has done this for you - the work of making you his lovely bride, prepared to walk the aisle to meet him in pure radiance.

Imagine it like I did this week - Jesus is the groom waiting at the altar.  He is anxious for his love.  It is you. Me. He sent a love letter to read as you readied yourself for your grand entrance to meet him in the Sanctuary.  You nervously prepare.  You fret over the details of life that might have marred your loveliness for him - will he want you this way?  You pace, you care for the details, then, it is time.

You exit the bride's chambers to go meet your groom.  Shaking as you walk, you approach the door of the sanctuary and turn to enter.  The door opens.  Breathe.  Take the first step in.

Can you see his face?  Weeping as I write this, I see him.  He is looking at me, at you, his bride, with the fiercest of love and devotion.  His gaze speaks of adoration and longing that makes my heart race with anticipation of being his forever.  I can approach with no fear.  He has done all the wedding preparation to receive me, wanting me and making me his own.  Tears of joy stream from his face, as well as my own, as he delights in receiving me, drawing me into his embrace.  Drawing you.

Like Cinderella, for whom the Prince sought after she left behind her glass slipper at the ball, we are longed for, sought after, wanted, loved, desired - and our Prince of Peace, Bridegroom, already made sure the slipper fit.  We have only to bask in his love.

You are his bride. He is your groom.  He calls, "Come away with me, my love. "

Been A Long While

Still learning. Ever learning.  The art of being still before God, knowing He is, indeed, God. Sovereign.  All powerful.  Always trustworthy.  Always loving.  Always loving me.

This date, September 20, 2018, finds me single again, divorced for the second time, easily swept into shame at such a fact.  But, then.  Then. Then, I remember the goodness of my Father in heaven...the one that calls me his own, his child, his peculiar treasure.  I remember that He has said he will always forgive what I confess, he will always hear my cry, he will gather me for protection as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing...and I relax.  Become still.

At times, I am disappointed in myself for the length of time spent in the the learning process of being still.  An artist of stillness is still a title I want to bear.  But, like all art - an apprentice must work alongside a master artist, a skilled craftsman - to bear the same, deeply rooted and brilliant ability within the art.  Painting, poetry, composition, sculpture - being still.  Fine arts.  Only learned well when living alongside the master.  Copying each technique, each stroke, each note or rest, each chiseled cut for working beauty out of something not lovely in its natural state, or a thing not yet made.

In its natural state, my life could be considered not lovely, not lovely at all.  Divorced, stressed, anxious about a good many things - but, then.

Oh, but then, I walk with the Master - Jesus.  The Stillness of my soul, he is.  The artisan that takes my hand in his to guide the strokes as I paint quietness and trust into my heart and mind.  The craftsman that instructs me as I pound the hammer against the chisel, into hard marble removing the unnecessary portions so that the beauty within the hardened stone is revealed.  The beauty in me.

Lost marriage, broken relationships, unmet expectations, lost dreams - none of these befoul the glory of the image within the body of marble that is me.  Chip, chip, chip, chisel, chisel, beat, pound, pound - polish, polish, polish - loveliness brought forth.  A sight to behold.  A thing of beauty.  One who is at rest in Christ Jesus.  Sculpted for stillness before Him.  The fine art learned. Be still. Be still and know that I Am God.  I will be exalted in all the nations and I will be exalted in all the world.  And in you.

He loves me. This I know.  Because I know this, I can be still. I can rest. I can trust.  I can let him be my vengence, my provider, and the lover of my soul.

He is the master, I, the apprentice.  One day, I shall be like him.  Each day, I learn.

Abuse - It Reigns in Relationships Sometimes

Abuse....ugh, the word is painful and ugly. When someone first told me it applied to me, I could barely believe it. I did not want to believe it. How ashamed it made me feel that I allowed myself to be abused - that I didn't know better or have the guts to stand against it. But, when a professional counseling person explained what abuse was, and then weighed my experience against the definition of abuse, the scale measured equally.

The news has featured much lately about ...abuse, with the major sports figure having callously beat on his fiancée/wife. And she took it, defends him now and is still with him. This is the part that has so many folks stymied. Yes, we all think the man is horribly selfish, self centered, callous, violent, out of control, and in need of major intervention regarding his behavior and attitudes about those who don't follow his plan.

But, the woman stymies us. Why would she stay? Why would she defend him?
The answer is an abused mind and soul. Unless you have truly been abused, you will not 'get' it. You will judge it, think her ridiculous, stupid, etc. Maybe you have had someone be really crabby at you, making your day miserable by their 'old goatedness'. But, until you experience abuse - that which tears you down slowly, methodically - stealing your worth, your ability to think clearly, your confidence, your very sanity, you will not have compassion for how deeply the wounds alter a person's state of mind and being.

Women, and some men, stay because they think loyalty is a character quality they must possess or they are weak, bad partners - they think marriage is to be kept sacred, unable to see that abuse against them has already taken the sacred nature from the relationship - they are twisted with guilt and mistaken thoughts that to leave or stand up for themselves makes them the bad one, the selfish person, the one not thinking of the children or God's honor - so many sickly manipulated thoughts have been put into the head and heart of someone who has ritually been torn down and controlled by an abuser. Control is the longing of the abuser...absolute control.

Until you've experienced it, do not judge those who have. It happens slowly, after the heart has been won by loving acts - then the foundations are crumbled like termites doing damage to a home's floor boards - invisible, unnoticed, until it is very late in the game.

People who must control are truly sick. Sick of heart and soul. They wreak a damage that is insidious, hard to decipher, and desperately wicked. They tear the soul out of other human beings, making them think the lowness they believe of themselves is deserved. This happens. It really does.

Have compassion - even for that which you have no understanding.