My Hiding Place

Psalm 32:7   You are my hiding place, you keep me from trouble, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.  

As a little girl, sitting in a pew at Liberty Baptist Church in Toledo, Ohio, I would often be placed between my folks.  My young mind and heart were not much interested in the sermon, so I would doodle on paper my mom would provide.  

Oftimes, my dad would take off his suit coat for me and let me put it on my shoulders.  I loved this because it smelled of him, Aramis cologne, mmm, such a good smell.  But, even more, what I enjoyed and gave me the secret thrill inside was leaning forward, covering my head with the jacket, and hiding in the 'dark' as I doodled.  My young mind believed I was well hidden and no one could see me. Silly, I know, but the most fun of feelings.

Protected. Safe. Hidden.  Nothing could 'get' me.

These were my feelings then.

I was sure of each of them.  

Now, fifty years later, I am thinking again of the delight at being hidden and secure.But my dad's suit coat is no where nearby.  

My hiding place is the Lord.

If a tornado is coming, you take shelter.  When a robber breaks into your home as you sleep, you awaken to the noise and if no weapon of protection is available, you hide, sneak your family to closets, attic stairways, anywhere secret and hidden.  When a horrendous school shooting takes place, teachers and students hide under desks, behind shelves or doors. Hiding from the sight of danger makes us feel secure and protected. 

The world is full of pain and suffering, hurt and harassment, fearful situations, and mean people.  Often, there is no closet to hide in from such things, no matter the form they take.

But.  

There is the heavenly Father and his gift of the spirit to us.

The psalmist cries out, "YOU are my hiding place, you fill me with songs of deliverance."

I can trust in Him.

As I look at my Bible lately, I am struck by words like safety, shelter, deliverance, hiding place, refuge, covering, rescue, protective shield, dwelling place, and no harm coming to me.  Wow.  These notions overwhelm my soul as I consider God's Word, his constant care of me, his anointed child. 

When anxiety comes, I can thank the Father in heaven that He sees me, and is hiding me in the shelter of his wings, as a bird protects its offspring.  

Psalm 91 tells me that the Lord's thoughts towards me are this:  

Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name. When he calls out to me, I will answer him.  I will be with him in trouble.  I will rescue him and give him honor.  I will satisfy him with a long life and show him my salvation. 

Deliver.  Rescue.  Protect.  Satisfaction.

Also

The Lord will cover you with his pinions, you will take refuge under his wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.  You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day.

Again, refuge, protective shield, no fear, covered.

The Lord Jesus is my daddy's suit coat.  That place I feel hidden, unseen by evil or fear, no one can get to me.  Even as the world continues on in its ways of darkness, and war rages in the spiritual realms where I don't see it, but I experience its affects.  I am safe. Shielded.  Hidden. Rescued.  Protected. Delivered.

When you are hurting, broken deep within, lonely, attacked by others, remember that the Lord is your hiding place.  He will fill you with his songs of deliverance as you thank him for caring for you, knowing your anxiety, and going before you in those circumstances.  Feel the protection and refuge like I did as a girl when cloaked in darkness and safety under the sweet scent of my father's presence near me.  His covering offered me as I sat in church.  The Father's covering offered you merely because you are his precious child and He loves you intensely.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for Jesus, for your spirit, for being my deliverance always, my shelter and rescue.  You fill my heart.  There is nothing but praise for you.  You are so worthy.  I love you, Lord.  Amen.

Let your heart be filled with his songs of deliverance today.  Always.

Blessings to you, precious friends.

Love, Gayle

                                                   

 

Take Up Your Cross - Do I Have To?

Luke chapter nine tells the portion of Jesus' life when he asks his disciples who they say he is - 'Who do you say that I am?'  They testify that he is the Christ, the anointed one, sent from God in heaven.

Then, Jesus goes on to say he must suffer many things and if they want to follow him, they must 'take up their crosses' and follow him.  He goes on to challenge the core of their thinking by telling them that people who want to save their own lives will most certainly lose them, but those who lose their lives because of him will actually save them.

What does this mean to me? To you? Single mom, single dad, betrayed spouse, hurting parent?

Often, when reading this passage, we are led to think of being called to participate in missions overseas or some such sacrificial service to the kingdom of God.  We think of denying ourselves when asked to teach Sunday school, or lead youth group, or work in a nursery.  

Taking up our cross is frightening talk when we really consider what it means to do so.  The cross was a horrid method of death.  It was, and is, NOT like the pretty jewelry we wear on our necks or wrists.  The haloed imagery of Jesus, with calm face looking down, like we see in many artist renditions of the crucifixion, is also not the truth of its horror.  

The cross was not lovely. In fact, the cross is called foolishness to those that are perishing.

I Corinthians 1:18 - The message of the cross is foolishness to them that are being destroyed, but it is the power of God for those of us who are being saved.

Many of God's people, during Jesus' day, thought he was coming to save the world from its troubles and traumas using strength, might, glory, power, and strategic wisdom against those who made them suffer.  Instead, God used a cross to save them.  A miserable, shameful, tormenting tool which, in the beginning, made it look like God lost. Jesus was gone.  But, he rose victorious.  He won.  And he saved the world by doing so.  But, he suffered to do it.  Legitimately, this seemed ridiculous to many then and still today.

Jesus did not stand and fight over whether he deserved such torture.  He didn't protect himself.  He didn't rip and tear away from the hands of those who led him to the rack for the cat of nine tails that would gouge flesh from his rib cage and shoulders and sling blood all about his face and those of onlookers.  He entrusted himself to the one who judges righteously and submitted to what looked like ultimate loss.

It is this submission to what looks like loss that I am wondering about today as I consider taking up my cross and following after Jesus.

What if doing this in life today stands in the context of walking in the pain of the betrayals brought to us by the sins of others?  or divorce?  or lies told to us or about us by folks who can do a great deal of damage with them? or severely disappointed hope?

Is God asking me to take up my cross, accept what has happened, entrust myself to the one who judges righteously in my life, submit to the sovereignly planned events of my life that can come at the hands and choices of others, and let God build my life in him through those things?

I'm having an inkling that applying this scripture to today, without taking it too far out of Biblical context, means just that.  God is at work  - truly at work - empowering the spirit in me, and you, to trust him, love from his love, give from his mercy, and shed anxiety of this world by the events of our lives that, when yielded to his trustworthy hands, will bring glory to Him. And isn't that the ultimate goal of living on this earth, yet dwelling in his kingdom?

The ultimate gift to us in all our 'crosses' is Christ in us, the hope of glory.  This is what is being built in us.  When you are willing to take up your cross, carry the pain of it, walk in the anxiety that might come with any given situation, entrust it to God rather than wallow in it without trust, glory in the weakness it brings because the power of Christ rests upon you for handling it - THEN, the wisdom of God rests on you, then, Christ's power and strength are being shown in you, then, Christ is shown in you as the great savior and redeemer and refuge he is for this world.

Commit with me to considering this admonition from Jesus. Take up your cross and follow him.  Take up the pain and disappointment in your life - from divorce, betrayal, lies, lost relationships, children making bad choices - and entrust yourself to the one who judges righteously, as Jesus did.  Let the power of Christ rest upon you as your let all those things have their perfect work in you. 

Praying for you brothers and sisters in Jesus. 

Waiting at the Altar

Whenever I attend a wedding, my favorite moment of the whole event is when the bride enters the sanctuary, or the entrance aisle, where she makes her appearance in the gown chosen for THE big day.  But, it isn't her entrance that is exciting to me. It is the chance to get to turn and watch the groom as he sees his bride, for the first time that day, in her beauty and radiance.

Do it the next time you attend a wedding. You can see the bride in all her glory as she gets to the altar, you can see her gorgeous look all day. But, only in that split second can you capture the stunned countenance of a man who is seeing his love make an entrance planned just for him; months or even years in the making, she is walking towards him to be his until death parts them.  Getting to look at his face and body react to her is a treasure itself.  The groom's love, shock, overwhelmed emotions - so much in just that moment before he can gain his composure. If you don't look quickly enough, you will miss this unrepeatable moment.  Priceless is the only word I can grasp for describing it.

When my son married his precious Hannah, I did not look at her at all when she entered the sanctuary to become his forever partner. I just watched him.  Seeing him experience such delight was a gift I shall never forget receiving.

A bridegroom's expectant joy over his bride is delightful for him.  It is his own personal pleasure, his alone - each man experiencing feelings that are private to him, yet, shown to the audience world as they see him respond in both countenance, body, tears, and often, exclamations.  We can imagine the fabulous electricity flowing through his veins as he sees her and knows she is joyfully walking that aisle to greet him with a "yes, I will be yours forever."

Scripture tells me, us, that I am the bride of Christ; that he is the beloved bridegroom awaiting his bride in all her glory - that one day, he will come to take me, us, to be with him, and he will come in radiant glory and splendor to greet us, welcome us to be his own forever.  Can you envision it after giving a bit of thought to grooms you have seen on their wedding day?

The beauty industry offers fabulous services for brides on their special day - hair, nails, face - all transformed to make any woman look like a princess.  Even the most beautiful of women is made even more lovely by the radiance of her joy, plus the care of a beautician or good friend who 'does her hair and make up' for the wedding day activities.  And for those gals who don't usually do a great deal of 'fancy schmancy' updo work to their hair, or make up to their face, the wedding day beautification is such delightful fun to make them feel absolutely fabulous about how they look for the groom in their gorgeous dress.

Now, ponder with me yourself as the bride.  Maybe you feel a bit frumpy,  jittery, not perfect for the day - blemishes across your chin and forehead will surely mar the perfect make up job.  Your hair just won't hold the curls as you want.  And the dress - egads - it fit at the fitting last week, but now it feels tight!!   Ugh.  Horrors.  You want to be nothing short of stunning.

But your Bridegroom awaits you.  His anticipation is energetic.  He knows you are nervous.  He is loving you from afar, wishing the most delightful of days for you.  Truly, he believes with his whole being that you are perfect for him - there is no doubt.

Jesus is that Bridegroom.

You are his bride.  Man or woman, you are his chosen love. Accepted, wanted, loved.

What is even more astounding to know is that he has done all the work of making you glorious and beautiful. He has prepared the garment you will wear as his bride - clothing of pure righteousness, whiter than snow as it reflects the light of the sun.  The bridegroom has made sure the clothing fits you - he has perfected your being so that the garment you wear is stunning for you.  The Word of God says he has done this for you - the work of making you his lovely bride, prepared to walk the aisle to meet him in pure radiance.

Imagine it like I did this week - Jesus is the groom waiting at the altar.  He is anxious for his love.  It is you. Me. He sent a love letter to read as you readied yourself for your grand entrance to meet him in the Sanctuary.  You nervously prepare.  You fret over the details of life that might have marred your loveliness for him - will he want you this way?  You pace, you care for the details, then, it is time.

You exit the bride's chambers to go meet your groom.  Shaking as you walk, you approach the door of the sanctuary and turn to enter.  The door opens.  Breathe.  Take the first step in.

Can you see his face?  Weeping as I write this, I see him.  He is looking at me, at you, his bride, with the fiercest of love and devotion.  His gaze speaks of adoration and longing that makes my heart race with anticipation of being his forever.  I can approach with no fear.  He has done all the wedding preparation to receive me, wanting me and making me his own.  Tears of joy stream from his face, as well as my own, as he delights in receiving me, drawing me into his embrace.  Drawing you.

Like Cinderella, for whom the Prince sought after she left behind her glass slipper at the ball, we are longed for, sought after, wanted, loved, desired - and our Prince of Peace, Bridegroom, already made sure the slipper fit.  We have only to bask in his love.

You are his bride. He is your groom.  He calls, "Come away with me, my love. "

Been A Long While

Still learning. Ever learning.  The art of being still before God, knowing He is, indeed, God. Sovereign.  All powerful.  Always trustworthy.  Always loving.  Always loving me.

This date, September 20, 2018, finds me single again, divorced for the second time, easily swept into shame at such a fact.  But, then.  Then. Then, I remember the goodness of my Father in heaven...the one that calls me his own, his child, his peculiar treasure.  I remember that He has said he will always forgive what I confess, he will always hear my cry, he will gather me for protection as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing...and I relax.  Become still.

At times, I am disappointed in myself for the length of time spent in the the learning process of being still.  An artist of stillness is still a title I want to bear.  But, like all art - an apprentice must work alongside a master artist, a skilled craftsman - to bear the same, deeply rooted and brilliant ability within the art.  Painting, poetry, composition, sculpture - being still.  Fine arts.  Only learned well when living alongside the master.  Copying each technique, each stroke, each note or rest, each chiseled cut for working beauty out of something not lovely in its natural state, or a thing not yet made.

In its natural state, my life could be considered not lovely, not lovely at all.  Divorced, stressed, anxious about a good many things - but, then.

Oh, but then, I walk with the Master - Jesus.  The Stillness of my soul, he is.  The artisan that takes my hand in his to guide the strokes as I paint quietness and trust into my heart and mind.  The craftsman that instructs me as I pound the hammer against the chisel, into hard marble removing the unnecessary portions so that the beauty within the hardened stone is revealed.  The beauty in me.

Lost marriage, broken relationships, unmet expectations, lost dreams - none of these befoul the glory of the image within the body of marble that is me.  Chip, chip, chip, chisel, chisel, beat, pound, pound - polish, polish, polish - loveliness brought forth.  A sight to behold.  A thing of beauty.  One who is at rest in Christ Jesus.  Sculpted for stillness before Him.  The fine art learned. Be still. Be still and know that I Am God.  I will be exalted in all the nations and I will be exalted in all the world.  And in you.

He loves me. This I know.  Because I know this, I can be still. I can rest. I can trust.  I can let him be my vengence, my provider, and the lover of my soul.

He is the master, I, the apprentice.  One day, I shall be like him.  Each day, I learn.

Abuse - It Reigns in Relationships Sometimes

Abuse....ugh, the word is painful and ugly. When someone first told me it applied to me, I could barely believe it. I did not want to believe it. How ashamed it made me feel that I allowed myself to be abused - that I didn't know better or have the guts to stand against it. But, when a professional counseling person explained what abuse was, and then weighed my experience against the definition of abuse, the scale measured equally.

The news has featured much lately about ...abuse, with the major sports figure having callously beat on his fiancée/wife. And she took it, defends him now and is still with him. This is the part that has so many folks stymied. Yes, we all think the man is horribly selfish, self centered, callous, violent, out of control, and in need of major intervention regarding his behavior and attitudes about those who don't follow his plan.

But, the woman stymies us. Why would she stay? Why would she defend him?
The answer is an abused mind and soul. Unless you have truly been abused, you will not 'get' it. You will judge it, think her ridiculous, stupid, etc. Maybe you have had someone be really crabby at you, making your day miserable by their 'old goatedness'. But, until you experience abuse - that which tears you down slowly, methodically - stealing your worth, your ability to think clearly, your confidence, your very sanity, you will not have compassion for how deeply the wounds alter a person's state of mind and being.

Women, and some men, stay because they think loyalty is a character quality they must possess or they are weak, bad partners - they think marriage is to be kept sacred, unable to see that abuse against them has already taken the sacred nature from the relationship - they are twisted with guilt and mistaken thoughts that to leave or stand up for themselves makes them the bad one, the selfish person, the one not thinking of the children or God's honor - so many sickly manipulated thoughts have been put into the head and heart of someone who has ritually been torn down and controlled by an abuser. Control is the longing of the abuser...absolute control.

Until you've experienced it, do not judge those who have. It happens slowly, after the heart has been won by loving acts - then the foundations are crumbled like termites doing damage to a home's floor boards - invisible, unnoticed, until it is very late in the game.

People who must control are truly sick. Sick of heart and soul. They wreak a damage that is insidious, hard to decipher, and desperately wicked. They tear the soul out of other human beings, making them think the lowness they believe of themselves is deserved. This happens. It really does.

Have compassion - even for that which you have no understanding.

Be Careful How Adultery is Tossed About

While studying Proverbs 6 this morning, I was struck by quite a few things.  Let me see if I can gather all my thoughts into some cohesive ideas here now.

Verses 16-19 list seven things that are an abomination to the LORD Yahweh.  This list includes the following:  haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises evil plans, feet that dash towards evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers, or family. 

Wow.  I don’t think I need to even set about to discuss any definition of those.  Self-explanatory.

Now, right after these four verses hails a long discourse on adulterous activities, the damaged caused by them, and the foolishness of being lured by someone with an adulterous heart. 

Bear with me as I configure this in my mind IN CONTEXT of how it is written.  It has been my practice the past many years to make sure I look at Scripture in context, looking at all surrounding teachings, cultural ideas presented, audience, etc.  For too long did I take a few verses, form an opinion I was sure matched God’s, developed a theology, or a philosophy all with those verses clipped away from any other words around them.  It causes me terrific grief to think I may have lead someone astray from truth when I dogmatically shared some teaching from scripture using my method of extracting verses from their context.  Even worse to me is the knowledge that I was so critical in my spirit of other believers who didn’t tow the line according to my understanding of a particular teaching of scripture; a lesson I assumed was the correct version since it was certainly from the Word of God, notwithstanding that it might not include the actual context of the teaching.  Ugh.  I grieve at this.

Proverbs 6 and 7 are full of wisdom teaching.  Prior to the list of abhorrent sins before God are many verses on life’s need for good decision making; lending money, signing for loans, laziness, hard work ethic, unethical speech, and so on.  Right before the ‘List’, I will call it, are verses about a person who is worthless, wicked – all because he speaks unrighteous speech, accuses others of sins that he is the one actually committing, continuously sows discord, and regularly plans evil works.  Calamity will eventually come upon such a person that will cause brokenness for him. 

The deal with this type of person, AND with all the sins listed here that make the Father feel abhorrence, is that he or she hurts people terribly.  Families, communities, businesses, church groups, neighborhoods, classrooms, social clubs, Bible studies, long standing relationships – all are damaged or destroyed by the person who is actively doing the sins in verses 16 through 19, or is like the man in verses 12 through 15, the one in the paragraph above this one.  This person lies, connives, disturbs, is aggressively damaging other people – former spouses, sisters, brothers, parents, bosses, children, coworkers – the relationship kinds are endless that are ruined by such people and their sin.  Activity such as these listed create the effect of a large stone tossed into a still pond, making ripples that spread across the entire surface and diameter of the water’s limits. 

Back to the end of chapter 6 and most all of chapter 7.  This portion of the passage counsels against the activity of adultery.  The reason this study captivated me today is that the word adultery is thrown about so freely in the church, among believers.  It is cast out so often that shirts with big, glittery letter As should be sold at churches and courthouses for believers who get divorced or remarried. 

We must be so careful how we define adultery here.  WE must understand context, culture, law of Moses, words of Jesus – all teachings – before we develop our convictions. And remember, a conviction isn’t just your opinion or idea.  It is a well-studied, thought out belief with foundations that have roots in multiple sources of information that is sound and accurate.  Taking a few verses, reading them, then declaring a conviction is not a wise method of forming your belief system. 

This Proverbs teaching on adultery is not referring to divorce or remarriage, though it has been used often to accompany other Old Testament teachings, and New Testament ones.  This passage is not wisely used for that study. 

Let me cut in here to say that I am discussing the idea of adultery as cast out against people like me, who went through horrendous pain in their marriage, then endured a ugly or traumatic divorce, THEN dated and remarried to have a partner in life, and a  healthy relationship with a spouse.  This passage does not apply to folks like me. 

Proverbs 6 and 7 are discussing adultery, na’aph transliterated from Hebrew, sexual relations with someone currently married to another.  These passages are talking about going in to sleep with someone while that person’s spouse is not home.  This is a woman who woos a man because her heart is evil, not loyal to her husband, lascivious, sexually immoral, and not a person walking out her faith in the eternal God and his spirit in her.  Or it is a man, who is married and has a wife at home, but he steals away to a hotel room with his secretary after seducing her with compliments all morning. 

This large section of verses is detailing activity that is carried out by persons who are already not good of heart or spiritual health.  They are NOT discussing the woman who is divorced, free from an unhealthy or frightening marital situation who remarries a man who accepts her children and her life as his own.  Much damage is done to the people of Jesus and all of  humanity when such passages of scripture are used to beat down women and men who have sought to remarry after a horribly many years of traumatic marriage.  But, countless times have I heard or seen passages like these used to teach against remarriage as adultery. 

I am not addressing a full discourse on divorce and remarriage here.  Books by the thousands address that study and social issue.  Here, I am pointing out that Proverbs 6 and 7 should NOT be used as foundational teaching passages for your belief on divorce and remarriage.  They are not in that context.

There is that word again, context.  Let me slip back into the entire passage here, and not just the verses on adultery.  I hope my point is made on that topic.  As I consider the sins listed here, the ‘not adultery’ ones, I am struck that these sins do far more damage to the entire globe than divorce ever could.  Yes, divorce, remarriage, and true adultery as listed here, create pains that are heartbreaking.  But, quite frankly, many divorces and remarriages would never occur if the sins that God abhors didn’t take place so pervasively. 

How many times do you hear whispers about someone getting divorced, someone left his or her spouse, the divorcing person made out to be so cold hearted to leave the marriage.  But, has anyone confronted the one in the marriage who was a finger pointer, the one who devised evil, the husband who trashed his wife and threw her under the bus far too many times, the wife who gripes and causes constant strife in the home, the spouse with a mouth that uses words that kill his or her spouse’s spirit over and over again so that there is no chance of life left in a being? 

When we discuss divorce and remarriage in the context of adultery, we must be careful which scripture we use as our conviction bearer.  Dare I also say that when reconciling all Scripture to develop our belief system on issues bearing down on the Church, we must also consider such passages as Proverbs 6:16-19 as part of our understanding of what and who causes great damage to people, relationships, marriages, churches, businesses, communities, families, etc. by behaviors that God abhors.  Divorce and remarriage seem to be focal point topics amongst churches and Christians as ‘key’ determinates of the liberalism in your soul depending on which stand you take.  They are the words tossed about as family destroyers, as the key things God hates.  But, I beg to differ with that idea.

The sins of Proverbs 6:16-19 destroy.  They kill.  They rob. They devastate far more than divorce or remarriage.

Believe me, I know.

Can You Trust Again? It Takes Work and Hard Choices

Can you trust again after having been lied to over and over again in a past relationship?  Can you rest in promises made?  Can you believe the words spoken to you, and rest in the heart of the one speaking them to you because you know he or she is worthy of your trust and will not lie to you like others have done before?

It is hard work to make the choices to say 'yes' to the questions above.  Lied to once and trust is broken. Lied to often and trust is destroyed.  Your mind is determined to protect you, to keep you from being screwed over again, betrayed again, made a fool of again.

I'm not talking about being lied to so a gift is kept secret; or plans for date night are kept quiet.  I'm not even talking about the 'lie' that says, "Yes, thank you for that great gift, it was so kind of you to do that for me," when in reality you hate that olive green sweater knitted for you by Grandma Joe.

Lies that cover clandestine activities, communications, behaviors that would harm your relationship or your heart are the lies of which I speak. These are the ones that do the lasting damage. The damage that means healing will be required along with forgiveness.

Sometimes, and this is hard to write, it is just best to admit that feelings towards another person have come into a relationship; or confess, the action done that will hurt and will cause a huge fight, than to let it go months and months and finally admit you have been lying all along.  Ask anyone who discovers an affair that has gone on for months, or an addiction that has gone on for years - they will tell you they wish they had known from the beginning.  Let there be a huge argument at the outset, let there be a major upset because of disappointment and heartache.  It will never match the  one that will come when long term lying is exposed.

And do not blame someone else for your lie nor accept responsibility for another's deceit.  How often have you heard, "I knew you'd react like that, so I didn't tell you!!  You get out of control, so I didn't tell you.  You always blow up, so I wasn't going to tell you." 

Yeah. The lie is your fault because you would get upset. Hmmm....as if the deed done wasn't worth hurting over, either. You are the reason the other person HAD to lie. In the liar's mind, the lie was so necessary, he or she stops even believing a lie was even told. And you feel guilty somehow for being such a weak person that another had to lie to you in order to be in relationship with you.  Yep.  Been there. Done that. 

Have you?

Lies about deeds aren't the only ones that destroy relationships.  The other kind are the ones you are told over and over again that condition your thinking. "You are so stupid," "No one can stand to be around you," "All your friends have told me what they really think of you, and they agree with me that you are ridiculous," "You are ruining the kids. They will be mentally and emotionally destroyed because of you," "God can't love you because you are so messed up."

Sometimes, truth is hard to find when lies come at you so regularly.  You begin to agree with the lies.  You begin to be controlled by them. This is the longing of the liar.  To control you.  To condition you.  To make you the guilty party.  To make the lie your fault.  To isolate you from friends and family that you need in your life. To keep you in fear.

Digging out of the pit, and it is a deep one, is hard work.

Thinking on truth can be a herculean task.  Getting the liar out of your life may be the first humongous, earth shattering work you must do.  I won't even discuss here the work of changing a relationship, divorcing, moving away from a dangerously unhealthy person in your life; that article could literally be a book, would completely enforce the idea of getting wise counsel for a very long time to help you through the work of that, and is a long term effort for sure.

What I want to focus on is the immediate task of making a hard choice to trust. 

First, trust yourself.  Trust God's word about you.  When it comes to those lies about your character, your value, your quality - the truth has to become a focus for you or you will not thrive.  If you need to find a good counselor, do so.  If you need to post notes about you around the house, on mirrors, in books, on the refrigerator to remind you of your value, then do it.  You are worthy of the blood of Christ being spilled for YOU; you are created in the image of God, being changed, daily, into the impress of Jesus - you are incredible.  Believe such truths, not the lies that have filled your thinking for too long.

Now, the other trust...of people.  Of a new love. That is a whole other level of moving onward and upward in your healing work.  Believe me, I know.

Give yourself time before moving into a romantic relationship.  Build strong friendships, get counseling, get to know the new, stronger you.  Do not let the acceptance or attention of another love be the source of your healing and strength.  These are some quick, basic statements, but powerfully needed ones.  Reread this paragraph if you must; but believe the words, think deeply on them and take them to heart.  They are vital bits of advice to be received and practiced before entering a relationship where trust will be required.

Breathe.  Breathe.  Enter a new relationship slowly.  Know you will be challenged to accept the words of your new 'interest' as faithful ones.  You will need to be aware of choosing a mate of strong, godly character; one of virtue and morality who values faithfulness even in a relationship where you end up as merely platonic friends.  If you are thinking soundly, even romances that don't 'work out' will remain good relationships for you because the people were healthy, quality ones who will become good friends to you over the years, and you to them.

An important action I have had to learn in my own life and new marriage, is not to project my fear onto my husband.  It is necessary in a new relationship to share, "Hey, I hate to admit this, but I am feeling anxious, scared you will just disappear on me.  You have done nothing to perpetuate this sensation - your deeds give me no reason for alarm - but inside of me is the pattern of thought that is making me nutso right now."

Yep, sometimes you just have to admit such ridiculous sounding, but very real thinking.  Notice I said 'real thinking' not truthful thinking.  You may have these thoughts, but that does not make them truth for your relationship, currently.

See, being honest about your own feelings, is different than making an accusation against your new relationship partner.   Telling him or her you are anxious is VERY different than projecting on to them a deed they have NOT committed, making them feel a need to defend themselves when they have done nothing.  This is NOT healthy for relationships.  Believe me, I know.

I hate to admit that, but I know from experience.  Ugh.

One of the reasons I suggest getting counseling, or finding good strong friends, especially if your life of lies lead you to be isolated from others, is because you need to know you are not alone.  A life of lies filling your head is usually full of such beliefs as 'you are all alone', 'no one cares', 'no one else is as pitiful as you'.  Bull Caca!

You are worthy of friends, you can have people who care.  This is important for you to know and to do - get into friendships - so that as you enter a new romantic relationship, you can know you will have support should you face pain again.  You must know you have support when you are walking with a new mindset of trust.  It is scary territory when you have been wounded by lies for a long period of time.  Stepping out, taking actions of trust, is far less frightening when you are assured of strong friends or counsel should you face any setbacks, whether they be setbacks in your own emotional health, or even another relational blow if you happen to meet up with a new 'lying loser'. 

Choose to trust.  Getting hurt  -  well, it hurts.  But, good relationships are worth the work, the healing,  and the energy they bring to life.  Just remember, YOU must get some strength first.  You must learn to TRUST yourself and your own instincts about what is healthy for you, who is healthy for you - and what and who are NOT.

My prayers are truly consistent, as I write, for the folks who will read these posts.  I so long for others to know healing, growth, and newness in life.  God does, indeed, want us to prosper in life - and I do NOT mean house, land, and the lottery. I mean, He does long for us to walk in peace, truth, wholeness.  These are the most vital of prosperous gains.

My love to you, friends. 
Gayle