My Kinsman Redeemer...

Our Kinsman Redeemer

Isaiah 41:14 - “I will help you,” declares the Lord, “and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.”

Our Father’s Word, the Bible, is full to overflowing with precious truths, promises and revelations of His Love toward us.  The Old Testament reveals the character of our faithful, strong, sovereign, and holy God.  Throughout Scripture’s many words, in both Old and New Testaments, we are pointed to Christ Jesus - our Savior and our ‘kinsman redeemer’. 

The words ‘kinsman redeemer’ did not mean a great deal to me until  studying the book of Ruth more diligently.  As I read, I was struck by the women, Ruth and Naomi.  Not much is revealed about these ladies, yet, much can be drawn out by what is given to us.  Naomi must have been a kind, loving and faithful -to-her-God mother in law, because Ruth did not want to leave her after the death of her own husband, even when granted freedom to do so by Naomi.  Ruth saw something in Naomi that caused her to want to make Naomi’s people her people, and Naomi’s God - Yahweh - her God.  Ruth is also not described in great detail, yet we can sense her character by what we read of her actions:  loyal, servant hearted, hard working, humble, and obedient.  She turned from her idols to worship the one true and living God of the Israelites.  Her meek and gentle spirit flows towards me as I read the account of her life in the scriptures.

But more important than Ruth or Naomi is Boaz - the ‘kinsman redeemer.’ Redeemer means ‘one who buys back’; kinsman, of course, is family.  These two words together are a precious treasure to us, the children of God.  I didn’t realize this until God opened my heart and eyes to the story of Ruth in a way I’d never read it before.

Ruth married Naomi’s son.  Naomi’s husband, the patriarch, died.  Later, her son, Ruth’s husband died, as did his brother, the only other remaining male relative in the family.  This left Naomi without a husband or children, and it left Ruth without a male in that family line to give her children. Death had separated Ruth from being a part of the family lineage and from the special inheritance and blessings her offspring would receive through her husband's family.  Today’s culture does not give great significance to this situation, but throughout ancient history, the need of connection to a male heir and his inheritance were survival worthy concerns for a woman.

The women traveled back to live in a place where Naomi knew other distant family, one of them being Boaz.  Naomi revealed to Ruth that Boaz was a kinsman redeemer and that he could ‘buy back’ Ruth’s place into the family.  Ruth very humbly obeyed all of Naomi’s instructions regarding how to proceed with Boaz as she diligently gleaned his grain field’s edges for the provision the two women needed to live.  One night, at Naomi’s bequest, Ruth went to Boaz’s tent and privately lay at his feet as he slept.  When Boaz awoke to find Ruth there, he asked who she was. She replied, “I am Ruth, your maid servant, so spread your covering over your maid for you are a kinsman redeemer.” (Ruth 3:9)  Boaz did so, and then later went through the ‘legal’ and traditional process of properly redeeming Ruth “in order to raise up the name of the deceased on his inheritance.”  (Ruth 4:3)

As I read this historical account of Ruth, God revealed to my soul the deep significance of this image of the kinsman redeemer.  Boaz is a beautiful picture of Jesus Christ. Like Ruth, I was separated by death - and sin - from any inheritance offered by my creator.  Also, akin to Ruth, I needed to lay down my life humbly at the feet of Jesus and tell him I need to be redeemed by him.  Like Boaz, who was kind and compassionate to Ruth, Jesus, with great love and compassion, bought me back from sin and death.  He redeemed me by his blood - the highest price that can be paid for anything - and he covered me with himself, as Boaz covered Ruth when she lay at his feet.  Jesus bought me back into right standing with the heavenly Father; back into the family. I can now fully claim my inheritance to all the riches of glory in Christ Jesus.  He is my kinsman redeemer - deeply faithful to me, and precious beyond compare.

This simple four chapter book is replete with the legacy we have in Jesus. Ruth, a Moabitess that was quiet and humble, because of obedience and faithfulness is known throughout history and is part of Christ’s lineage.  To emulate her heart is a grand goal.  And Boaz - while his bloodline leads to the direct lineage of Jesus, his example as a kinsman redeemer points us to the exact role Jesus lives in our spiritual deliverance and salvation.  There is no simplicity in these vital and precious truths.  Precious beyond my ability to articulate.  I am in awe.

In Captivity

Do your thoughts ever run wild on you?  Seeming like a charging herd of buffalo running wildly across a prairie range?  Nothing is going to stop them?

Surely, I am not the only one in whom this activity of stomping through my mind takes place.  The powerful storm in the realm of our thoughts must be a common event since Scripture addresses it by the Apostle Paul as he admonishes the Corinthian church.  As he does spiritual battle on behalf of the people of Corinth, he details that he is taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  

In Phillipians, Paul again discusses 'mind control' by encouraging the residents of Phillipi to think true, just, lovely, valuble thougths when their hearts and minds are suffering anxiety.  

How does this help us, you and me today, when our thoughts run amuk?  

First, let's look at the anxious thinking 'cure'.  Anxiety is a major issue for a vast number of us.  Our thougths take us down roads that do not build us up at all.  We imagine scenarios of all sorts and get even more anxious as we consider the end result of those made up scenes in our minds.  We let fear ravage us.  We let our minds conquer our spirits.

But, what does Paul command us to do?  Practice this as I have taught you, he writes.  First, give thanks IN everything.  Commit your mind to knowing God is sovereign, give thanks for that truth, give thanks for His knowledge of every situation you are enduring.  With this thankfulness for his care, make requests to him.  Peace truly does come when you sit inside a situation fully accepting God's faithfulness in it.  Then, concentrate on a particular type of thinking - the list is easy - think on things that are lovely, true, pure, honorable, right, of excellence, great value, and worthy of praise.  Practice this kind of thinking, let it override the anxious thoughts, and peace will truly shroud your mind and heart.

The other mindset Paul mentions as he wages war in matters of faith is to actually take thoughts captive.  It is how he mininstered for and to the saints in the New Testament Church.  What does this mean, though?

I studied the word 'captive'. Its roots are Latin in foundation from 'captivus', meaning 'taken' or 'captus', meaning to take.  By definition, as an adjective, it means made or held prisoner, held prisoner in restraint, and dominated.  These words all create an ambience of power exerted over something else.  The imagery created in the mind seems to be battle, war, good vs. evil, fighting, a definite power struggle.  

So, taking thoughts captive seems to take some concerted effort on our part.  As I think on this, the word 'warrior' comes to mind.  I believe the best way to approach this idea is to consider myself a warrior, doing strong battle against any thought that takes me down wrong roads.

A precious friend always asks me, "Did you do the litmus test on that thought?  Does it build up or tear down in your life?"  

Right there is a good guage to let me know when I need to enter into battle for my mind's direction.  Approaching one's thinking as a warrior, taking the thoughts as prisoners restrained by self control, by redirection to truth, loveliness, purity, honor, goodness, is all work needing to be done, and effort that will bring results that bring peace to us and glory to God.  The action can be as simple as praising God, thanking him that He knows just what you are experiencing, thanking him for everything you can think of to give thanks for at that moment, and even just thinking on the wonderful love of Jesus.

Be a warrior.  When your mind begins the rollercoaster of madness, speak to yourself about being a mighty soldier, fighting a worthy battle for healthy thinking, peace, and calm.  Each of those is worth the work.  Your serenity is worth doing the work of the warrior for your mind's control.  Take thoughts captive, Warrior.  I'm cheering you on from the sidelines.  

Forgive AS Jesus Forgives Me...Really?!?!

 Each Easter Resurrection season I try to watch and take in movies that let me sit with Jesus a while and concentrate deeply on what He endured to bring me my salvation, my forgiveness, and my freedom from sin's grasp on my heart.

So it was again this spring.  The Passion of the Christ is my favorite choice of rememberances for many reasons.  Dozens of facets of what Jesus experienced and what was happening with and to people all around seem accurate and show the spiritual realm clearly.  The reality of Satan being at work is shown vividly in this version of Jesus' sacrifice.

From the very beginning, I am struck with Jesus suffering in the garden, praying to the father in heaven with trust, but also agony..."If this cup can pass, please allow it...BUT, your will, Father, not mine."  Satan roams about Jesus as he prays, challenging his trust in his heavenly father and his sovereign plan for him.  Taunting. Jesus is all alone, without the support of his disciples who keep falling asleep on him.  Then, as the story progresses, I can see how satan was at work in Judas, and the spiritual darkness revolving around that betrayal detail of God's plan for Jesus.  Then, on display is the horrendous jealousy of the Jews, so insidious they are willing to have Jesus tortured and killed in a most gruesome way, just hoping it will put an end to this stir in the hearts of man that Jesus has created through his truth.

Mary peacefully but painfully, in ways I cannot begin to imagine as a mom, entrusts Jesus to the evil that is happening. How many times does she ponder in her heart the things and events that have gone on in Jesus' life as she raised him, remembering the angel telling her he would save his people from their sins.  She has to forgive this horror against her son.  

The story is hard.  I cannot think of better words, as if the appropriate word for such evil does not exist.  Evil. Against sinlessness.

Yet, Jesus took every sin, past, present, and future on himself. The weight of dark sin he bore as he prayed in the garden was immense.  And he was experiencing the Father turning away from him, the hopelessness and pain of that, I can't fathom.  

All of it is happening as Jesus continues to experience sin against him, even praying forgiveness for those who are killing him, the one who 'sold' him to the Pharisees, the friend who would betray his commitment of loyalty and support to Jesus, the Jewish leaders who cry out that his blood could be on their heads, the Jews and others who mocked him, even a thief on the cross near Jesus was taunting him...still his heart's cry was one of forgiveness and mercy.

I am undone by this when I consider that scripture calls me to forgive as Jesus has forgiven me.  He gave up everything to do that.  He endured evil to do that. I don't know that I have such strength spiritually or mentally to follow such an admonition.

It feels too hard. 

To seek revenge would be usurping God's authority and role of 'vengeance getter.'  He declares he will take care of vengeance issues for us.  But, the hunger to deal with such matters on my own is ravenous.

Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you.

How is that? Fully, without continual reminders, entrusting my sin to the Father - acknowledging He knows what his son endured to give it to me.  I'm reminded that Jesus removed my sin far from me, as far as east is from west, in fact.

So, how do I fully forgive?  The human mind twists and turns over and over with reminders of sin against us.  We play scenarios over and over in our mind, and we feel the emotions that are chained to those memories.  Chained.  It is chain that we are bound by as we let those sins against us keep us in turmoil.  Big chains, heavy, unbreakable on our own.

But God.

But God is the god of impossible things.  He makes a way.  He has empowered me and you by his spirit to do exactly what he said to do.  Forgive.

Not a human possibility.  

In the light of remembering Jesus' crucifixion as the gift that forgave me, I am thinking on how I am supposed to forgive the same way.

If I believe the heavenly Father loves me as much as scripture declares, then, the truth is I can trust him.  When I read of being like Jesus and entrusting myself to the one who judges righteously, I am enabled to do just that - entrust myself to him.  And my hurt, my fear, my aching heart.  Scripture is loud and clear on how much Jesus cares about my anxieties - I can truly cast them on him. Toss them right in his lap.  And he will handle them.  I can trust that.  Those are not just words in the Bible. They are truth about what God can and will do for me.  I can forgive others and believe with trust that God knows how much struggle it is to let it go to him, that it is an act of obedience that isn't about my feelings, but my trust in him to honor my obedience, give me peace, and to deal with the offender.

I can trust God to deal with the 'splinter' in my offender's eye as I consider the log in own. And if I am honest with myself, truly and deeply honest, my log is sequoia sized. 

Splinter vs. Sequoia.  Both given over to God to transform.

That thinking leads me to a better grasp of forgiving.  Jesus had a whole lot to cover for me when he hung on that cross.  My sin, weighed against 'their' sin, is a humbling consideration when I think on not wanting to forgive someone.  Concentrating on this truth is another aid in being able to forgive. Thinking realistically.

A hard truth to feed on is that I must forgive as God forgives me; and I must do so to remain in right relationship with him.  But, remembering his love and care make this possible, this hard choice, this letting go of the noose I am holding around someone's neck, entrusting the situation and sin against me to him.

Sometimes, the issue needing forgiveness isn't a 'sin' against me. It may be an inconvenience cast on me by someone, or an inadvertent comment that was truly painful, being left out of something special, or just their choices that affect me.  Still, forgiveness is needed.  My concentrating on the truth that God knows, He is at work in each situation of my life to lead me, teach me, transform me, and draw me to himself are all actions of taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ and bringing my mind peace in the process.

Forgiveness is possible.  Freedom from an unforgiving heart is possible and powerful. Freedom from grudge holding, ruminating thoughts of irritation, and living with hurt feelings is a possibility when I obey the command to forgive.

It is possible when I understand forgiving is not a feeling. It is an action.  I can forgive, and so can you, when you choose the act, then know that what your feelings cannot overcome is already covered wholly by the blood of Jesus draining down that cross.  That is fact.  Not feeling.

The most fabulous power in this choice and act of obedience is the truth of how much the Father in heaven loves me, us, and cares for us, knows our days, sees us and pursues us.  When I am hurting, I can still forgive the one who hurt me knowing I am deeply loved and cared about by God.  Those folks are getting away with nothing, as is usually our fear about forgiving, because God knows.  They either need his love desperately in their own life,or they need his discipline.  He can be entrusted to disperse the proper treatment of offender.  And if my own heart is at rest and peace before him, I will be profoundly joyful to see that person come to repentance and right relationship with God.  I can know they must have been in some deep hurt or sin of their own to do such things to me.  But, knowing God loves me without withholding, I can rest in that safely as I hope for that person's own relationship with him.   I don't have to be in angst hoping he makes them pay because my heart at peace will prefer knowing they come to peace with him, too.

These things seem crazy at times, but God's word is true, his commands are real, and his love is just as real.  I can forgive, as I am forgiven, and know I am loved in it.  Nothing is being tossed aside by the Father.  God does, and will continue doing, the actions needed in each of my situations and relationships.  That trust is the power needed for forgiving.

Think on his love for you, his forgiveness of your own sins and mess ups, and great love for you.  God is so trustworthy.  

Thank you for your love and your forgiveness, Father. 

Thank you for empowering me, and all of us, to rest in you as we forgive others.

You are mighty, Lord.

The Art of Being Still: My Hiding Place

The Art of Being Still: My Hiding Place: Psalm 32:7   You are my hiding place, you keep me from trouble, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.   As a little girl, sitt...

My Hiding Place

Psalm 32:7   You are my hiding place, you keep me from trouble, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.  

As a little girl, sitting in a pew at Liberty Baptist Church in Toledo, Ohio, I would often be placed between my folks.  My young mind and heart were not much interested in the sermon, so I would doodle on paper my mom would provide.  

Oftimes, my dad would take off his suit coat for me and let me put it on my shoulders.  I loved this because it smelled of him, Aramis cologne, mmm, such a good smell.  But, even more, what I enjoyed and gave me the secret thrill inside was leaning forward, covering my head with the jacket, and hiding in the 'dark' as I doodled.  My young mind believed I was well hidden and no one could see me. Silly, I know, but the most fun of feelings.

Protected. Safe. Hidden.  Nothing could 'get' me.

These were my feelings then.

I was sure of each of them.  

Now, fifty years later, I am thinking again of the delight at being hidden and secure.But my dad's suit coat is no where nearby.  

My hiding place is the Lord.

If a tornado is coming, you take shelter.  When a robber breaks into your home as you sleep, you awaken to the noise and if no weapon of protection is available, you hide, sneak your family to closets, attic stairways, anywhere secret and hidden.  When a horrendous school shooting takes place, teachers and students hide under desks, behind shelves or doors. Hiding from the sight of danger makes us feel secure and protected. 

The world is full of pain and suffering, hurt and harassment, fearful situations, and mean people.  Often, there is no closet to hide in from such things, no matter the form they take.

But.  

There is the heavenly Father and his gift of the spirit to us.

The psalmist cries out, "YOU are my hiding place, you fill me with songs of deliverance."

I can trust in Him.

As I look at my Bible lately, I am struck by words like safety, shelter, deliverance, hiding place, refuge, covering, rescue, protective shield, dwelling place, and no harm coming to me.  Wow.  These notions overwhelm my soul as I consider God's Word, his constant care of me, his anointed child. 

When anxiety comes, I can thank the Father in heaven that He sees me, and is hiding me in the shelter of his wings, as a bird protects its offspring.  

Psalm 91 tells me that the Lord's thoughts towards me are this:  

Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name. When he calls out to me, I will answer him.  I will be with him in trouble.  I will rescue him and give him honor.  I will satisfy him with a long life and show him my salvation. 

Deliver.  Rescue.  Protect.  Satisfaction.

Also

The Lord will cover you with his pinions, you will take refuge under his wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.  You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day.

Again, refuge, protective shield, no fear, covered.

The Lord Jesus is my daddy's suit coat.  That place I feel hidden, unseen by evil or fear, no one can get to me.  Even as the world continues on in its ways of darkness, and war rages in the spiritual realms where I don't see it, but I experience its affects.  I am safe. Shielded.  Hidden. Rescued.  Protected. Delivered.

When you are hurting, broken deep within, lonely, attacked by others, remember that the Lord is your hiding place.  He will fill you with his songs of deliverance as you thank him for caring for you, knowing your anxiety, and going before you in those circumstances.  Feel the protection and refuge like I did as a girl when cloaked in darkness and safety under the sweet scent of my father's presence near me.  His covering offered me as I sat in church.  The Father's covering offered you merely because you are his precious child and He loves you intensely.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for Jesus, for your spirit, for being my deliverance always, my shelter and rescue.  You fill my heart.  There is nothing but praise for you.  You are so worthy.  I love you, Lord.  Amen.

Let your heart be filled with his songs of deliverance today.  Always.

Blessings to you, precious friends.

Love, Gayle

                                                   

 

Take Up Your Cross - Do I Have To?

Luke chapter nine tells the portion of Jesus' life when he asks his disciples who they say he is - 'Who do you say that I am?'  They testify that he is the Christ, the anointed one, sent from God in heaven.

Then, Jesus goes on to say he must suffer many things and if they want to follow him, they must 'take up their crosses' and follow him.  He goes on to challenge the core of their thinking by telling them that people who want to save their own lives will most certainly lose them, but those who lose their lives because of him will actually save them.

What does this mean to me? To you? Single mom, single dad, betrayed spouse, hurting parent?

Often, when reading this passage, we are led to think of being called to participate in missions overseas or some such sacrificial service to the kingdom of God.  We think of denying ourselves when asked to teach Sunday school, or lead youth group, or work in a nursery.  

Taking up our cross is frightening talk when we really consider what it means to do so.  The cross was a horrid method of death.  It was, and is, NOT like the pretty jewelry we wear on our necks or wrists.  The haloed imagery of Jesus, with calm face looking down, like we see in many artist renditions of the crucifixion, is also not the truth of its horror.  

The cross was not lovely. In fact, the cross is called foolishness to those that are perishing.

I Corinthians 1:18 - The message of the cross is foolishness to them that are being destroyed, but it is the power of God for those of us who are being saved.

Many of God's people, during Jesus' day, thought he was coming to save the world from its troubles and traumas using strength, might, glory, power, and strategic wisdom against those who made them suffer.  Instead, God used a cross to save them.  A miserable, shameful, tormenting tool which, in the beginning, made it look like God lost. Jesus was gone.  But, he rose victorious.  He won.  And he saved the world by doing so.  But, he suffered to do it.  Legitimately, this seemed ridiculous to many then and still today.

Jesus did not stand and fight over whether he deserved such torture.  He didn't protect himself.  He didn't rip and tear away from the hands of those who led him to the rack for the cat of nine tails that would gouge flesh from his rib cage and shoulders and sling blood all about his face and those of onlookers.  He entrusted himself to the one who judges righteously and submitted to what looked like ultimate loss.

It is this submission to what looks like loss that I am wondering about today as I consider taking up my cross and following after Jesus.

What if doing this in life today stands in the context of walking in the pain of the betrayals brought to us by the sins of others?  or divorce?  or lies told to us or about us by folks who can do a great deal of damage with them? or severely disappointed hope?

Is God asking me to take up my cross, accept what has happened, entrust myself to the one who judges righteously in my life, submit to the sovereignly planned events of my life that can come at the hands and choices of others, and let God build my life in him through those things?

I'm having an inkling that applying this scripture to today, without taking it too far out of Biblical context, means just that.  God is at work  - truly at work - empowering the spirit in me, and you, to trust him, love from his love, give from his mercy, and shed anxiety of this world by the events of our lives that, when yielded to his trustworthy hands, will bring glory to Him. And isn't that the ultimate goal of living on this earth, yet dwelling in his kingdom?

The ultimate gift to us in all our 'crosses' is Christ in us, the hope of glory.  This is what is being built in us.  When you are willing to take up your cross, carry the pain of it, walk in the anxiety that might come with any given situation, entrust it to God rather than wallow in it without trust, glory in the weakness it brings because the power of Christ rests upon you for handling it - THEN, the wisdom of God rests on you, then, Christ's power and strength are being shown in you, then, Christ is shown in you as the great savior and redeemer and refuge he is for this world.

Commit with me to considering this admonition from Jesus. Take up your cross and follow him.  Take up the pain and disappointment in your life - from divorce, betrayal, lies, lost relationships, children making bad choices - and entrust yourself to the one who judges righteously, as Jesus did.  Let the power of Christ rest upon you as your let all those things have their perfect work in you. 

Praying for you brothers and sisters in Jesus. 

Waiting at the Altar

Whenever I attend a wedding, my favorite moment of the whole event is when the bride enters the sanctuary, or the entrance aisle, where she makes her appearance in the gown chosen for THE big day.  But, it isn't her entrance that is exciting to me. It is the chance to get to turn and watch the groom as he sees his bride, for the first time that day, in her beauty and radiance.

Do it the next time you attend a wedding. You can see the bride in all her glory as she gets to the altar, you can see her gorgeous look all day. But, only in that split second can you capture the stunned countenance of a man who is seeing his love make an entrance planned just for him; months or even years in the making, she is walking towards him to be his until death parts them.  Getting to look at his face and body react to her is a treasure itself.  The groom's love, shock, overwhelmed emotions - so much in just that moment before he can gain his composure. If you don't look quickly enough, you will miss this unrepeatable moment.  Priceless is the only word I can grasp for describing it.

When my son married his precious Hannah, I did not look at her at all when she entered the sanctuary to become his forever partner. I just watched him.  Seeing him experience such delight was a gift I shall never forget receiving.

A bridegroom's expectant joy over his bride is delightful for him.  It is his own personal pleasure, his alone - each man experiencing feelings that are private to him, yet, shown to the audience world as they see him respond in both countenance, body, tears, and often, exclamations.  We can imagine the fabulous electricity flowing through his veins as he sees her and knows she is joyfully walking that aisle to greet him with a "yes, I will be yours forever."

Scripture tells me, us, that I am the bride of Christ; that he is the beloved bridegroom awaiting his bride in all her glory - that one day, he will come to take me, us, to be with him, and he will come in radiant glory and splendor to greet us, welcome us to be his own forever.  Can you envision it after giving a bit of thought to grooms you have seen on their wedding day?

The beauty industry offers fabulous services for brides on their special day - hair, nails, face - all transformed to make any woman look like a princess.  Even the most beautiful of women is made even more lovely by the radiance of her joy, plus the care of a beautician or good friend who 'does her hair and make up' for the wedding day activities.  And for those gals who don't usually do a great deal of 'fancy schmancy' updo work to their hair, or make up to their face, the wedding day beautification is such delightful fun to make them feel absolutely fabulous about how they look for the groom in their gorgeous dress.

Now, ponder with me yourself as the bride.  Maybe you feel a bit frumpy,  jittery, not perfect for the day - blemishes across your chin and forehead will surely mar the perfect make up job.  Your hair just won't hold the curls as you want.  And the dress - egads - it fit at the fitting last week, but now it feels tight!!   Ugh.  Horrors.  You want to be nothing short of stunning.

But your Bridegroom awaits you.  His anticipation is energetic.  He knows you are nervous.  He is loving you from afar, wishing the most delightful of days for you.  Truly, he believes with his whole being that you are perfect for him - there is no doubt.

Jesus is that Bridegroom.

You are his bride.  Man or woman, you are his chosen love. Accepted, wanted, loved.

What is even more astounding to know is that he has done all the work of making you glorious and beautiful. He has prepared the garment you will wear as his bride - clothing of pure righteousness, whiter than snow as it reflects the light of the sun.  The bridegroom has made sure the clothing fits you - he has perfected your being so that the garment you wear is stunning for you.  The Word of God says he has done this for you - the work of making you his lovely bride, prepared to walk the aisle to meet him in pure radiance.

Imagine it like I did this week - Jesus is the groom waiting at the altar.  He is anxious for his love.  It is you. Me. He sent a love letter to read as you readied yourself for your grand entrance to meet him in the Sanctuary.  You nervously prepare.  You fret over the details of life that might have marred your loveliness for him - will he want you this way?  You pace, you care for the details, then, it is time.

You exit the bride's chambers to go meet your groom.  Shaking as you walk, you approach the door of the sanctuary and turn to enter.  The door opens.  Breathe.  Take the first step in.

Can you see his face?  Weeping as I write this, I see him.  He is looking at me, at you, his bride, with the fiercest of love and devotion.  His gaze speaks of adoration and longing that makes my heart race with anticipation of being his forever.  I can approach with no fear.  He has done all the wedding preparation to receive me, wanting me and making me his own.  Tears of joy stream from his face, as well as my own, as he delights in receiving me, drawing me into his embrace.  Drawing you.

Like Cinderella, for whom the Prince sought after she left behind her glass slipper at the ball, we are longed for, sought after, wanted, loved, desired - and our Prince of Peace, Bridegroom, already made sure the slipper fit.  We have only to bask in his love.

You are his bride. He is your groom.  He calls, "Come away with me, my love. "

Been A Long While

Still learning. Ever learning.  The art of being still before God, knowing He is, indeed, God. Sovereign.  All powerful.  Always trustworthy.  Always loving.  Always loving me.

This date, September 20, 2018, finds me single again, divorced for the second time, easily swept into shame at such a fact.  But, then.  Then. Then, I remember the goodness of my Father in heaven...the one that calls me his own, his child, his peculiar treasure.  I remember that He has said he will always forgive what I confess, he will always hear my cry, he will gather me for protection as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing...and I relax.  Become still.

At times, I am disappointed in myself for the length of time spent in the the learning process of being still.  An artist of stillness is still a title I want to bear.  But, like all art - an apprentice must work alongside a master artist, a skilled craftsman - to bear the same, deeply rooted and brilliant ability within the art.  Painting, poetry, composition, sculpture - being still.  Fine arts.  Only learned well when living alongside the master.  Copying each technique, each stroke, each note or rest, each chiseled cut for working beauty out of something not lovely in its natural state, or a thing not yet made.

In its natural state, my life could be considered not lovely, not lovely at all.  Divorced, stressed, anxious about a good many things - but, then.

Oh, but then, I walk with the Master - Jesus.  The Stillness of my soul, he is.  The artisan that takes my hand in his to guide the strokes as I paint quietness and trust into my heart and mind.  The craftsman that instructs me as I pound the hammer against the chisel, into hard marble removing the unnecessary portions so that the beauty within the hardened stone is revealed.  The beauty in me.

Lost marriage, broken relationships, unmet expectations, lost dreams - none of these befoul the glory of the image within the body of marble that is me.  Chip, chip, chip, chisel, chisel, beat, pound, pound - polish, polish, polish - loveliness brought forth.  A sight to behold.  A thing of beauty.  One who is at rest in Christ Jesus.  Sculpted for stillness before Him.  The fine art learned. Be still. Be still and know that I Am God.  I will be exalted in all the nations and I will be exalted in all the world.  And in you.

He loves me. This I know.  Because I know this, I can be still. I can rest. I can trust.  I can let him be my vengence, my provider, and the lover of my soul.

He is the master, I, the apprentice.  One day, I shall be like him.  Each day, I learn.

Abuse - It Reigns in Relationships Sometimes

Abuse....ugh, the word is painful and ugly. When someone first told me it applied to me, I could barely believe it. I did not want to believe it. How ashamed it made me feel that I allowed myself to be abused - that I didn't know better or have the guts to stand against it. But, when a professional counseling person explained what abuse was, and then weighed my experience against the definition of abuse, the scale measured equally.

The news has featured much lately about ...abuse, with the major sports figure having callously beat on his fiancée/wife. And she took it, defends him now and is still with him. This is the part that has so many folks stymied. Yes, we all think the man is horribly selfish, self centered, callous, violent, out of control, and in need of major intervention regarding his behavior and attitudes about those who don't follow his plan.

But, the woman stymies us. Why would she stay? Why would she defend him?
The answer is an abused mind and soul. Unless you have truly been abused, you will not 'get' it. You will judge it, think her ridiculous, stupid, etc. Maybe you have had someone be really crabby at you, making your day miserable by their 'old goatedness'. But, until you experience abuse - that which tears you down slowly, methodically - stealing your worth, your ability to think clearly, your confidence, your very sanity, you will not have compassion for how deeply the wounds alter a person's state of mind and being.

Women, and some men, stay because they think loyalty is a character quality they must possess or they are weak, bad partners - they think marriage is to be kept sacred, unable to see that abuse against them has already taken the sacred nature from the relationship - they are twisted with guilt and mistaken thoughts that to leave or stand up for themselves makes them the bad one, the selfish person, the one not thinking of the children or God's honor - so many sickly manipulated thoughts have been put into the head and heart of someone who has ritually been torn down and controlled by an abuser. Control is the longing of the abuser...absolute control.

Until you've experienced it, do not judge those who have. It happens slowly, after the heart has been won by loving acts - then the foundations are crumbled like termites doing damage to a home's floor boards - invisible, unnoticed, until it is very late in the game.

People who must control are truly sick. Sick of heart and soul. They wreak a damage that is insidious, hard to decipher, and desperately wicked. They tear the soul out of other human beings, making them think the lowness they believe of themselves is deserved. This happens. It really does.

Have compassion - even for that which you have no understanding.

Be Careful How Adultery is Tossed About

While studying Proverbs 6 this morning, I was struck by quite a few things.  Let me see if I can gather all my thoughts into some cohesive ideas here now.

Verses 16-19 list seven things that are an abomination to the LORD Yahweh.  This list includes the following:  haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises evil plans, feet that dash towards evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers, or family. 

Wow.  I don’t think I need to even set about to discuss any definition of those.  Self-explanatory.

Now, right after these four verses hails a long discourse on adulterous activities, the damaged caused by them, and the foolishness of being lured by someone with an adulterous heart. 

Bear with me as I configure this in my mind IN CONTEXT of how it is written.  It has been my practice the past many years to make sure I look at Scripture in context, looking at all surrounding teachings, cultural ideas presented, audience, etc.  For too long did I take a few verses, form an opinion I was sure matched God’s, developed a theology, or a philosophy all with those verses clipped away from any other words around them.  It causes me terrific grief to think I may have lead someone astray from truth when I dogmatically shared some teaching from scripture using my method of extracting verses from their context.  Even worse to me is the knowledge that I was so critical in my spirit of other believers who didn’t tow the line according to my understanding of a particular teaching of scripture; a lesson I assumed was the correct version since it was certainly from the Word of God, notwithstanding that it might not include the actual context of the teaching.  Ugh.  I grieve at this.

Proverbs 6 and 7 are full of wisdom teaching.  Prior to the list of abhorrent sins before God are many verses on life’s need for good decision making; lending money, signing for loans, laziness, hard work ethic, unethical speech, and so on.  Right before the ‘List’, I will call it, are verses about a person who is worthless, wicked – all because he speaks unrighteous speech, accuses others of sins that he is the one actually committing, continuously sows discord, and regularly plans evil works.  Calamity will eventually come upon such a person that will cause brokenness for him. 

The deal with this type of person, AND with all the sins listed here that make the Father feel abhorrence, is that he or she hurts people terribly.  Families, communities, businesses, church groups, neighborhoods, classrooms, social clubs, Bible studies, long standing relationships – all are damaged or destroyed by the person who is actively doing the sins in verses 16 through 19, or is like the man in verses 12 through 15, the one in the paragraph above this one.  This person lies, connives, disturbs, is aggressively damaging other people – former spouses, sisters, brothers, parents, bosses, children, coworkers – the relationship kinds are endless that are ruined by such people and their sin.  Activity such as these listed create the effect of a large stone tossed into a still pond, making ripples that spread across the entire surface and diameter of the water’s limits. 

Back to the end of chapter 6 and most all of chapter 7.  This portion of the passage counsels against the activity of adultery.  The reason this study captivated me today is that the word adultery is thrown about so freely in the church, among believers.  It is cast out so often that shirts with big, glittery letter As should be sold at churches and courthouses for believers who get divorced or remarried. 

We must be so careful how we define adultery here.  WE must understand context, culture, law of Moses, words of Jesus – all teachings – before we develop our convictions. And remember, a conviction isn’t just your opinion or idea.  It is a well-studied, thought out belief with foundations that have roots in multiple sources of information that is sound and accurate.  Taking a few verses, reading them, then declaring a conviction is not a wise method of forming your belief system. 

This Proverbs teaching on adultery is not referring to divorce or remarriage, though it has been used often to accompany other Old Testament teachings, and New Testament ones.  This passage is not wisely used for that study. 

Let me cut in here to say that I am discussing the idea of adultery as cast out against people like me, who went through horrendous pain in their marriage, then endured a ugly or traumatic divorce, THEN dated and remarried to have a partner in life, and a  healthy relationship with a spouse.  This passage does not apply to folks like me. 

Proverbs 6 and 7 are discussing adultery, na’aph transliterated from Hebrew, sexual relations with someone currently married to another.  These passages are talking about going in to sleep with someone while that person’s spouse is not home.  This is a woman who woos a man because her heart is evil, not loyal to her husband, lascivious, sexually immoral, and not a person walking out her faith in the eternal God and his spirit in her.  Or it is a man, who is married and has a wife at home, but he steals away to a hotel room with his secretary after seducing her with compliments all morning. 

This large section of verses is detailing activity that is carried out by persons who are already not good of heart or spiritual health.  They are NOT discussing the woman who is divorced, free from an unhealthy or frightening marital situation who remarries a man who accepts her children and her life as his own.  Much damage is done to the people of Jesus and all of  humanity when such passages of scripture are used to beat down women and men who have sought to remarry after a horribly many years of traumatic marriage.  But, countless times have I heard or seen passages like these used to teach against remarriage as adultery. 

I am not addressing a full discourse on divorce and remarriage here.  Books by the thousands address that study and social issue.  Here, I am pointing out that Proverbs 6 and 7 should NOT be used as foundational teaching passages for your belief on divorce and remarriage.  They are not in that context.

There is that word again, context.  Let me slip back into the entire passage here, and not just the verses on adultery.  I hope my point is made on that topic.  As I consider the sins listed here, the ‘not adultery’ ones, I am struck that these sins do far more damage to the entire globe than divorce ever could.  Yes, divorce, remarriage, and true adultery as listed here, create pains that are heartbreaking.  But, quite frankly, many divorces and remarriages would never occur if the sins that God abhors didn’t take place so pervasively. 

How many times do you hear whispers about someone getting divorced, someone left his or her spouse, the divorcing person made out to be so cold hearted to leave the marriage.  But, has anyone confronted the one in the marriage who was a finger pointer, the one who devised evil, the husband who trashed his wife and threw her under the bus far too many times, the wife who gripes and causes constant strife in the home, the spouse with a mouth that uses words that kill his or her spouse’s spirit over and over again so that there is no chance of life left in a being? 

When we discuss divorce and remarriage in the context of adultery, we must be careful which scripture we use as our conviction bearer.  Dare I also say that when reconciling all Scripture to develop our belief system on issues bearing down on the Church, we must also consider such passages as Proverbs 6:16-19 as part of our understanding of what and who causes great damage to people, relationships, marriages, churches, businesses, communities, families, etc. by behaviors that God abhors.  Divorce and remarriage seem to be focal point topics amongst churches and Christians as ‘key’ determinates of the liberalism in your soul depending on which stand you take.  They are the words tossed about as family destroyers, as the key things God hates.  But, I beg to differ with that idea.

The sins of Proverbs 6:16-19 destroy.  They kill.  They rob. They devastate far more than divorce or remarriage.

Believe me, I know.

Can You Trust Again? It Takes Work and Hard Choices

Can you trust again after having been lied to over and over again in a past relationship?  Can you rest in promises made?  Can you believe the words spoken to you, and rest in the heart of the one speaking them to you because you know he or she is worthy of your trust and will not lie to you like others have done before?

It is hard work to make the choices to say 'yes' to the questions above.  Lied to once and trust is broken. Lied to often and trust is destroyed.  Your mind is determined to protect you, to keep you from being screwed over again, betrayed again, made a fool of again.

I'm not talking about being lied to so a gift is kept secret; or plans for date night are kept quiet.  I'm not even talking about the 'lie' that says, "Yes, thank you for that great gift, it was so kind of you to do that for me," when in reality you hate that olive green sweater knitted for you by Grandma Joe.

Lies that cover clandestine activities, communications, behaviors that would harm your relationship or your heart are the lies of which I speak. These are the ones that do the lasting damage. The damage that means healing will be required along with forgiveness.

Sometimes, and this is hard to write, it is just best to admit that feelings towards another person have come into a relationship; or confess, the action done that will hurt and will cause a huge fight, than to let it go months and months and finally admit you have been lying all along.  Ask anyone who discovers an affair that has gone on for months, or an addiction that has gone on for years - they will tell you they wish they had known from the beginning.  Let there be a huge argument at the outset, let there be a major upset because of disappointment and heartache.  It will never match the  one that will come when long term lying is exposed.

And do not blame someone else for your lie nor accept responsibility for another's deceit.  How often have you heard, "I knew you'd react like that, so I didn't tell you!!  You get out of control, so I didn't tell you.  You always blow up, so I wasn't going to tell you." 

Yeah. The lie is your fault because you would get upset. Hmmm....as if the deed done wasn't worth hurting over, either. You are the reason the other person HAD to lie. In the liar's mind, the lie was so necessary, he or she stops even believing a lie was even told. And you feel guilty somehow for being such a weak person that another had to lie to you in order to be in relationship with you.  Yep.  Been there. Done that. 

Have you?

Lies about deeds aren't the only ones that destroy relationships.  The other kind are the ones you are told over and over again that condition your thinking. "You are so stupid," "No one can stand to be around you," "All your friends have told me what they really think of you, and they agree with me that you are ridiculous," "You are ruining the kids. They will be mentally and emotionally destroyed because of you," "God can't love you because you are so messed up."

Sometimes, truth is hard to find when lies come at you so regularly.  You begin to agree with the lies.  You begin to be controlled by them. This is the longing of the liar.  To control you.  To condition you.  To make you the guilty party.  To make the lie your fault.  To isolate you from friends and family that you need in your life. To keep you in fear.

Digging out of the pit, and it is a deep one, is hard work.

Thinking on truth can be a herculean task.  Getting the liar out of your life may be the first humongous, earth shattering work you must do.  I won't even discuss here the work of changing a relationship, divorcing, moving away from a dangerously unhealthy person in your life; that article could literally be a book, would completely enforce the idea of getting wise counsel for a very long time to help you through the work of that, and is a long term effort for sure.

What I want to focus on is the immediate task of making a hard choice to trust. 

First, trust yourself.  Trust God's word about you.  When it comes to those lies about your character, your value, your quality - the truth has to become a focus for you or you will not thrive.  If you need to find a good counselor, do so.  If you need to post notes about you around the house, on mirrors, in books, on the refrigerator to remind you of your value, then do it.  You are worthy of the blood of Christ being spilled for YOU; you are created in the image of God, being changed, daily, into the impress of Jesus - you are incredible.  Believe such truths, not the lies that have filled your thinking for too long.

Now, the other trust...of people.  Of a new love. That is a whole other level of moving onward and upward in your healing work.  Believe me, I know.

Give yourself time before moving into a romantic relationship.  Build strong friendships, get counseling, get to know the new, stronger you.  Do not let the acceptance or attention of another love be the source of your healing and strength.  These are some quick, basic statements, but powerfully needed ones.  Reread this paragraph if you must; but believe the words, think deeply on them and take them to heart.  They are vital bits of advice to be received and practiced before entering a relationship where trust will be required.

Breathe.  Breathe.  Enter a new relationship slowly.  Know you will be challenged to accept the words of your new 'interest' as faithful ones.  You will need to be aware of choosing a mate of strong, godly character; one of virtue and morality who values faithfulness even in a relationship where you end up as merely platonic friends.  If you are thinking soundly, even romances that don't 'work out' will remain good relationships for you because the people were healthy, quality ones who will become good friends to you over the years, and you to them.

An important action I have had to learn in my own life and new marriage, is not to project my fear onto my husband.  It is necessary in a new relationship to share, "Hey, I hate to admit this, but I am feeling anxious, scared you will just disappear on me.  You have done nothing to perpetuate this sensation - your deeds give me no reason for alarm - but inside of me is the pattern of thought that is making me nutso right now."

Yep, sometimes you just have to admit such ridiculous sounding, but very real thinking.  Notice I said 'real thinking' not truthful thinking.  You may have these thoughts, but that does not make them truth for your relationship, currently.

See, being honest about your own feelings, is different than making an accusation against your new relationship partner.   Telling him or her you are anxious is VERY different than projecting on to them a deed they have NOT committed, making them feel a need to defend themselves when they have done nothing.  This is NOT healthy for relationships.  Believe me, I know.

I hate to admit that, but I know from experience.  Ugh.

One of the reasons I suggest getting counseling, or finding good strong friends, especially if your life of lies lead you to be isolated from others, is because you need to know you are not alone.  A life of lies filling your head is usually full of such beliefs as 'you are all alone', 'no one cares', 'no one else is as pitiful as you'.  Bull Caca!

You are worthy of friends, you can have people who care.  This is important for you to know and to do - get into friendships - so that as you enter a new romantic relationship, you can know you will have support should you face pain again.  You must know you have support when you are walking with a new mindset of trust.  It is scary territory when you have been wounded by lies for a long period of time.  Stepping out, taking actions of trust, is far less frightening when you are assured of strong friends or counsel should you face any setbacks, whether they be setbacks in your own emotional health, or even another relational blow if you happen to meet up with a new 'lying loser'. 

Choose to trust.  Getting hurt  -  well, it hurts.  But, good relationships are worth the work, the healing,  and the energy they bring to life.  Just remember, YOU must get some strength first.  You must learn to TRUST yourself and your own instincts about what is healthy for you, who is healthy for you - and what and who are NOT.

My prayers are truly consistent, as I write, for the folks who will read these posts.  I so long for others to know healing, growth, and newness in life.  God does, indeed, want us to prosper in life - and I do NOT mean house, land, and the lottery. I mean, He does long for us to walk in peace, truth, wholeness.  These are the most vital of prosperous gains.

My love to you, friends. 
Gayle

Trusting God Under Accusation

Wow.  Moving forward in a healthy manner has been a goal of mine for a long while now.  Separating from my former spouse four years ago in November was a step in life I never planned, but worked itself into my life story through circumstances too intense in detail to recap here.  Since that time, I have read books, prayed, counseled, gone to court, and gone head to head with yuckola to just move on. To take the next step. To get healthy.  To be strong. 

But, even after almost four years, yuckola still comes to thwart me in my goal of sane living.  No kidding.  Just yesterday, I received a letter from someone exerting their opinion, will, and judgment into my life.  Please understand, this letter was from no one who holds authority, love, connection, care, counsel, or regular communication in my sphere of living.  Even so, the letter was no surprise.  This kind of person just needs to write those kinds of letters. 

Though I know these letters should be laughed at at this stage of my life, they are still joy robbing.  They make me aware of just how unpleasant life has been in the past, how people can be cruel when you aren't even expecting a shot from anywhere.  So, the letter I received left me feeling like a bus had driven by and splashed mud on me as I stood at the bus stop.  Yuck. 

When will this insanity stop. 

I bet you ask yourself that question sometimes, don't you. You find yourself in circumstances that just seem loooooong, unending, requiring endurance you aren't quite sure you possess.  Or endurance you want to expend on such unnecessary interference in your life.  You mind your own business, go about your life, and,"BAM!", someone thinks they need to toss a stink bomb on your path.  Dang.

This post isn't about the stink bombs.  It isn't even about the strife stirring people in your life.  It is about God's fabulous goodness in it all.

Facebook is this era's communication power.  I am under the assumption it began as a computer site for students, or young folks, to keep in touch. But it has evolved into the world's connecting spot.  Business, school, musical groups, authors, friends, family....home to home, city to city, state to state, country to country, it has erupted into a fabulous tool for touching lives..be they close knit kin, or mere strangers with a common interest.  It is Facebook that God used to remind me of some truth.

Thank you to my Facebook friends who posted some great truths to point me northward in my thinking when dealing with ugly accusations written in ugly letters. 

Phillipians 4 tells us, when we are stressed, to think on that which is true, lovely, of good report, of value, and praiseworthy.  God used Facebook to bring me to such a place of thinking.  Here is the first writing put before me that spoke to my heart in the places the Enemy was working to discourage:

You might feel like your testimony has been stripped away but God is still unfolding your life story. Don't let the enemy convince you that you don't have a message to share.

Wow, isn't that fabulous truth.  No, there is no chapter and verse to post with it, but it is powerfully true from a scriptural perspective. God works in brokenness, loss, woundedness, suffering, persecution, and accusation.  He does NOT turn his ear or eye away from those who are seeking Him, from those longing for Him from a heart that is sincere and pure in its motives.  He is at work in you until the day of Jesus Christ. 

If you have suffered a divorce, slanderous gossip from folks who do NOT know your whole story, destructive acts against you from those bent on your absolute misery, then you know the discouragement that can be heaped upon you as you wonder if God could be at work, if He could possibly ever use you in His kingdom work, if you truly have any purpose before Him.  Yes, you do. 

I do not speak for God.  I am not one to think my opinions are God's opinions.  But, truth is truth.  God's word speaks over and over of His work in broken lives, changed plans, lost dreams.  Thwarted plans of man are often used by God for His glory.  It is the design of Satan himself, the father of lies, the murderous spirit, to steal your hope in God's work in you.  To kill your enduring spirit as you wait upon God for vindication, for His vengeance on foes, and for Him to work out His ways in you. 

God is putting His message in you as you trust in Him.  Mark those words, "..as you trust in him...".   I'm not saying that just because you have heartache or people gossiping about you, you have a message or story to tell.  We could all tell our stories.  Every human has a story.  It is a message you want to be worked out in you. A message from your life that brings glory to God as you wait on him, respond as Jesus would, trust and wait upon God as he very slowly and patiently carries out the details of your life. 

You want a message, not just a story.  You want the work of God in you to be left with people after you walk away.  And it will be.  It will be.  No one can steal from you what God is doing.  It is the enemy who makes you think your message is gone, destroyed, worthless.  It is a lie.  Don't fall for it.  Don't let the letters, facebook posts, emails, anonymous messages, etc. convince you that your loss, your broken dream, your forgiven sin, your hard choices, or your quiet actions mean you have nothing to offer God, nothing He can use.

Don't do it.

And remember this second Facebook truth: 

 I am in no competition to be better than anyone else.  I need not play a game that pressures me to be like anyone else.  I am merely trying to be better than the person I was yesterday.

Wow.  Yes.  Just focus on bettering the me God is doing His work in daily.  I am no one else.  I need not compete to be like anyone else.  I need not look at anyone with envy, with fear of being undone or outdone, or with complete inadequacy. 

I am the workmanship of the creator of the universe.  The one who named the stars, put mountains in place, and told animals when to birth their young, everytime, at the same intervals. That organized, powerful, beauty loving God is my author, designer, and maker. 

The enemy of creation tells us to look about and feel inadequate.  Look around and fear that you will never measure up..for God or anyone else for that matter.  Remember it is him, satan.

Stand strong against him. And it does take strength.  He is a relentless thief.  A deviant liar.   He robs of joy in such damaging ways.  It is a heart of endurance that is needed to face him. But, remember who gives you that longsuffering soul, the internal spirit of fortitude.  Your Father in heaven, your creator. The author and finisher of your faith.

Thank you, Father, for speaking to my heart, to our hearts, from such simple places as computer websites. You can use anything you want to transform our hearts, to refocus our minds, and energize our spirits.  You are mighty. Thank you for friends who share words of wisdom and hope.  You are so worthy of honor, Lord. We love you.  I love you.

And I love you, Friends, as we walk through trials together.  Press on.

Gayle

New Reality....Live In It

     Old dogs must, indeed, learn new tricks.  Let's see, if I am to refer to myself in this post as an old dog, I think I want to be a Yorkie, or a PomPoo, ooh, or a Pomsky...something cute, froofroo, soft, tiny, snuggable, lovable, and kissable.  Either that or a beautiful chocolate lab.  If I have to learn new 'tricks' for growth, survival, health, and renewal, I want to do so in as adorable a suit of myself as I possibly can.  
     
     The new tricks. What are they?  I'm just learning some  of them, and I am by no means a great magician.  I'd like to perform new tricks with the same aplomb as David Copperfield, but, alas, I think I most likely appear with the grace that Archie Bunker might display as he tries to slice a woman in half, or swallow a flaming torch.  Get the picture.  Yep. 
     
     On to the tricks. What are they?  The one I'm learning now is this:  live in the new reality.  Ta da.  Five simple words.  But the will power and endurance needed for it is in the realm of supernatural some days.   Those of you who have been single or widowed after enduring much suffering and pain, much violation of your soul, and destruction of your self worth, value, and belief in yourself, know that past reality very easily meanders into your current life or relationship.  Your entire being.....heart, skin, mind, stomach, lungs...respond to daily situations in today's reality as though they will produce the same pain, stress, fear, and trauma of yesterday's, yestermonth's, yesteryear's.  Every broken relationship produces pain.  I completely acquiesce to that truth. And it is truth.  But, not all broken relationships, or divorces, or reasons for singlehood, have included the words that destroy, the onslaught of a voice daily telling you of your ugliness of soul, the waste you are of breath, the mess you make of others' lives.  After many years of words like these, the soul has been shaped by them.  Worthlessness, ugliness, gracelessness - these are reality to you.
     
     This is the reality I speak of when I say you must live in a new one.  You may not realize the need is within you until you are in a new relationship or married again, as I am.  When you are told you are beautiful, you wince, sure that those words are a lie or that they are spoken merely to get you to do some deed wanted by the speaker.  When you meet your spouse's old friend of the opposite sex, you are sure that person will be included in some joke about you by your spouse just to put you on the spot.  When an argument about any silly old topic arises, your immediate thoughts jump to the old truth that you will not be listened to, respected, heard, cared for - and just as badly, you will be mocked, laughed at, have eyes rolled at you, belittled, told of how awful your character tends to be, and how much you need to get your spiritual self in order.  
Breathe. Breathe.  Just thinking of these things makes my heart start to race.  

     When the intense sensation of stress or pain arises in these situations, I must stop and think.  What is happening in this very moment?  Why do I feel the way I do?  This person is NOT attacking me as I am accustomed to being attacked?  But, my heart is pounding; I want to run: I want to put my dukes up and be ready for a fight of the most intense emotional brawl type.  Wait.  No.  Breathe. Do NOT push the feeling away.  What is it?  What is its source?  Am I being hurt now or does this conversation or event just bring memories right up to my hair follicles?  Breathe. Do NOT blame your partner or friend.  Feel the feeling, but do not act upon it.  Recognize it for what it is:  your past reality.  Cry. Pray.  Breathe. Journal.  Accept it is a truth you lived.  You live it no longer now that you are free from that past.  

     Please know I am NOT saying this is an easy set of steps.  It is beyond wrong, even biblically wrong, to just tell someone to get over something, to just move on.  Weeping happens.  Mourning happens.  Facing fear and dealing with it must happen.  Saying to just move on is not compassionate and unwise.  Being disgusted with yourself is not wise either.  Validate the truth that you are a person in the long process of healing.  Impatience with that only makes it much worse.  I am also NOT advocating sitting in a slough of despondency.   But take time to face the feelings, account for them, mourn in them, call them what they are - anger, fear, betrayal pain, lied to over and over again pain - ask yourself what these feelings are doing; say they are real; ask yourself what you are going to do with the feelings; make a decision on what you will do and how you will face them each time they arise.  

     Taking your thoughts captive requires a great strength of mind and heart.  I know that if you are mentally, spiritually, and emotionally weary and worn, that strength seems beyond your grasp.  Find a patient, trusted friend who will always speak truth to you and remind you of your new reality.  Tell them you know it is difficult to keep helping you, that you do NOT intend to stay in this place or to manipulate attention from it, but let them know you need their counsel to guide you to the path of your new, true reality.  Until you are strong, this might be your best source of healing.  

     Reminding yourself each time pain leaps out at you, when you are least expecting, or wanting it, will come more and more quickly as you strengthen your inner self, your sense of value, and your definition of yourself as a loved, lovable, and precious human being.  Be patient with yourself, even if others are not.  I know I don't NEED to say it again, but I'm going to: this is not free license to swim in pity pools.  It is a gift of relief from guilt that you hurt, that panic attacks arise when you never want them to because you feel the old reality is present with you now.  You are working towards the time when these things will happen so rarely you almost chuckle at them.  It just isn't time yet.  That is okay.  Don't let anyone tell you you must be there.  You are not a toy.  You are not play dough easily shaped at a whim.  You are a human soul in the healing forge.

     Don't be afraid to do the work of this process.  An old dog leaning a new trick requires  patience from his master.  Let's give ourselves, and those we love, that same gift.  And remember, as you recognize your NEW reality, see your new partner, husband, or friends in that same new light. They are not part of your old reality, either.  Don't hold them captive to it anymore than you want to be.  

      Woof, woof.  I love you, Friends.

Gayle

The Writing Fever Hit Again....

Ahhh...a fresh, white screen sits before me, ready for the keyboard strikes to begin filling it.  What an invitation to creative flow!!!!

Though not single anymore, I am not yet ready to change the name of this blog...especially since I don't know how to do all that fancy graphic stuff with those letters up there.  A friend designed the Single Trials logo for me, and I am clueless about how to make the title something more akin to my new life as a married woman learning how to be a wife again.

Besides that, I still have alot of lessons learned, thoughts gleaned, and wounds healed or healing from the single years.  So, my thinking on it isn't over.

The past few days, I have been thinking again on single friends, men and women, who are longing for a companion.  It is a painful place to be 'alone' when you have known what companionship can feel like.  We are all safe and truly sufficient to live alone, or raise children as single parents, but oh, the ease and restfulness of mind offered to the soul when a partner faces life beside us.

A recent reading of the early chapters of Genesis, and a bit of Donald Miller's book Searching for God Knows What, has me considering Adam in the Garden of Eden.  You know the story...where the Creator God designed Adam to steward all of creation, to name animals...and then declared there was no companion suitable for the man, though there were hundreds, if not thousands, of species of animals all around him.  Now, this Adam was in complete communion and fellowship with God Almighty.  They talked and shared intimate time together.  Yet, this story still declares there was not an equal companion for the man.  God was enough..yet, He was not.

So, this has lead me to think that the longing for a companion after becoming a single person through divorce or death is not unusual at all.  Nor is it unbiblical to long for such company.  Yes, I know the passages on divorce and adultery, and the enormous disparity of opinions and conviction on these things, but I am not here to address that idea at present.  That could mean writing another book on the subject, of which there are already hundreds.  I am merely discussing the longing of the human heart....a heart the Father of Creation made to need companionship.

Please understand, I am not writing to discuss major theological understanding on this issue. I am discussing humanity, humanity that the Father created, that is more complex than the mere 67 books of the Bible could ever begin to cover  with all its facets.  God designed the human heart.  He has spoken need into it.  It is for Him to fill our deepest needs...those of the eternal spirit, the part of us that will go on living long after our heart stops beating.  He also created the soul, the yearning soul, the one meant to connect to other human beings.  We connect through friendships of a platonic nature, but we also crave the fellowship of one special person that will know us intimately like no other on earth will have the privilege.

Thus, my thoughts on my single friends; the ones who want what Edwin and I are growing into in our own lives.  We are learning to be spouses to each other...doing the work of loving, listening, serving, and giving in order to be the couple into which God is shaping us for His purposes.  My prayer for these folks is a redemption of their hearts....a restored joy in love. These aren't people who lived lurid lives that led to singleness due to illicit choices. They are individuals who have suffered loss, broken heartedness, and wounds that go deep to the bone.  I believe with all my heart that the Father in heaven aches for these souls. 

I dare not ever speak for God...that would show I think I know his mind, which would be an extreme lack of reverence for the omnipotence and omniscience which belong to Him alone. But, I know how He ministered such love to me, I know His heart is tender for His people, I know He can work outside of the box we humans have designed for him with our feeble minds and ideas.  God can and does bring love again.  He does restore joy.  He does  bring redemption.  Even when we don't think we deserve it or will never see it.

Yes, the lonely heart needs healing in God alone.  Yes, wounds must be dealt with in order to make a person ready to proceed into a new relationship.  These things are vital to a healthy renewal of life.  Without those two issues dealt with, only pain will exist.  And some healing will only come as a new relationship begins and issues of pain are faced....one can't know what will happen in the heart until face to face with an opportunity to test the newly strengthened and healing heart.  But, moving forward can happen. God does do that for us.

My prayer for my single friends is a restful heart in the Father's arms...a knowledge of His powerful love, protection, provision, and His banner over them.  After that, I pray He brings them love on earth...a hand to hold, arms to squeeze them, a face to wake up to each morning, a heart to hear their own, hands to work out life's trials with, feet to work on a home or car..simple things that are valuable treasures a partner brings to the banquet table of life.

The Father in heaven is able and willing to bring love...partner..companionship suitable to our heart's need.  He is enough.  Truly.  But, He does KNOW our longing.

I love you, my friends.