What Did You Learn About Yourself In Your Divorce?

The other day, I wrote a bit about  moving on into a new relationship
after a divorce.  But, since then, I have had a few more thoughts that
I'd like to add to those of my earlier post.

Before considering a new relationship, take the time to contemplate
yourself.  What have you learned about YOU while going through your
divorce?  What are the things about you that proved to be strengths?
Weaknesses?  As you faced each hearing, each trial, each confrontation
with your former spouse, each email or phone call, how did you react?
How did you recover from each activity that brought stress for you?



 There are dozens of questions you could ask yourself...and every one
 is worth asking.



The reason I suggest this is so that you will examine the health of
your heart, mind, body and soul.  You don't want to head into a
relationship with old illness of heart lingering, or soul woes still
clinging to you.  It is vital that you have been on a healing road
that has originated from discovering your weaknesses, the actions and
attitudes that existed in your former relationship that need to be
changed or removed from your habits altogether, and honestly assessing
the actions you will NOT repeat and those you will continue to carry
out in relationships.


 Let's consider a couple typical areas of relational dynamics that you
might want to examine.  Think about your past behaviors and responses
to your former spouse.  Were you co-dependent?  Did you always try to
make excuses for your spouses behavior?  Did you walk on eggshells to
make peace at home?  Did you give up much of your hobbies,
your friends, your interests, your SELF in order to make your spouse
feel okay about himself or herself?  If so, then this is an issue you
from which you want to learn some powerfully needed lessons and new
thinking patterns.  Get counseling for such unhealthy living styles
and habits.  Realize your need to be free to think, breathe, relax and
live vibrantly in your own home..in your own skin, even.  When you are
strong enough to stand for yourself in such ways, then you have
learned well and are ready to move into a relationship.  Until then,
don't.  You may very well repeat the same unhealthy, very negatively
charged behaviors in your next relationship.

How about perfectionism?  Have you seen any of that in yourself as
you've considered yourself in your last relationship?  Are you
expecting perfection from a person?  Won't happen. Realize that the
Heavenly Father shows you an abundance of mercy and compassion. Be
willing to pass it on to your next mate.  I'm not speaking in
contradiction to the above paragraph about co-dependence.  I am
speaking of true mercy where needed. The kind in which you don't
pressure someone to be YOUR version of them.


 Happiness?  Let's think about you and your happiness.  Have you looked at yourself and made sure you will never, ever, ever again think anyone but you can make you happy?  Examine your past relationship.
Were you painfully disappointed in your spouse because he or she never made you happy?  Did you look outside yoruself for a source of happiness?  Happy begins with you; in you.  There is nothing outside of you that can make you happy.  No one can do this for you. 

The Heavenly Father has abundantly blessed us with peace, provision, serenity. refuge, grace, mercy, salvation - in this state, we are so rich.  Happiness can be found when we recognize these things from God, but also become comfortable in our own skin, our own gifts, talents, in our own self.  Until you realize that you alone are responsible for your happiness, you are not ready for another relationship.  You will need too much from someone, and they will always be a disappointment to you as you seek something which cannot be found in them. 

Look inside you.  Look for happy there. It cannot be found outside of you.   Develop this wonderful art of being happy as you thank God for YOU, for your life, your heart, your creativity, your graciousness, your personality...you are wonderful, well equipped for life, and fabulous.  Be happy in these truths about you.  Delight in simplicity, the sun on your face or the rain droplets on your tongue. Either way, you can be happy.  No person can give that to you.  You must hide these treasures within yourself. When you get to that private, pleasurable place in your heart, then you are ready to share life with another person. 

Come, ask, "What have I learned about ME in this adventure called divorce," join me in the search of the heart, the discovery of the best self available....and let's become that fabulous person, ready to live singley, or share life with another.  Either way, we are good.
Love you, Gayle