Saturday Sunrise

I just have to start off by saying, "God is amazing."

My drive to work at six thirty this morning was a lovely one because God painted the sky with burgundy clouds, mist rising from fields in swirls and worshipful dance; I was taken to my own place of worship as I looked at it all.  My Father is so abundantly good to me - the One who created and controls all this natural beauty is the One who designed and created me.

Awe inspiring, isn't it?

As I drove, I was thinking about a conversation I had last evening with a young woman in a local shop.  The topic of a wedding being held in last night's cool, drizzling weather was brought up and led this gal to remember her own wedding ten years ago this October.  She said, "I would have been married ten years this next month, but we didn't make it.  My sister and I are both divorced, but she is remarried and happy.  I failed my parents, I'm still single."
You can hear where the thougths in my head are going, can't you?

I shared with this girl that I understood that failure flash.  Recalling my parents' fiftieth anniversary party, I shared the story with this gal of how my own mom was expressing such pride in her four children, their strong homes, terrific grand children. solid marriages, etc. Then four weeks later, my former husband was out of the house.

How do you tell family that your marriage is broken? When do you try to explain it to them, because you are sure they are going to want to know how to explain it to their friends?  Does the feeling of failing them go away eventually?

I know I was afraid to tell my folks.  My siblings.  Aunts, uncles.  Would they be shocked? Disappointed in me?

But, now, a couple years down the road, I realize it doesn't matter.  My marital circumstances are not changed, helped, or distorted by my family's response to one of their own being no longer in an all-American, strong foundational marriage.

Family can support or tear down. My own has been very supportive and prayerful.  Words of encouragement from them have been like gold to me.  I ache for those who do not have family back up. 

Family can interfere and make an already painful situation exhausting and traumatic.  This sort of family backing is so disappointing.  Sad that others don't see the pain they cause, but, humanity is humanity, isn' t it!

While we long for support, the truth is that we must be strong for making our decisions about our marriages.  It is we who face judges, court conciliators, counselors, teachers, employers, etc. etc.  We have to explain relationship changes to our children.  We walk the miles and miles of adventurous trails called singleness.

So, our hearts must speak truth to us that we are not failures.  Our marriages were broken.  We may have failed in some part, but we need not wear a nametag that screams, "FAILURE"!!!  We are not responsible for both sides of a relationship, and cannot take on the burden of our former partner's actions and responses in our marital struggles. 

We broke, experienced trauma and heartache; we cried, we fought, we embarrassed ourselves, we were humiliated and humbled, we tried, we went to counselors. But we are not failures.

None of us married with the goal of falling apart one day.  Hopes are higher than the mountain tops on wedding days.  Not a person on earth can anticipate the zany, crazy, insane issues that can enter a home like a sneaky little mouse that finds a crack in the foundation of a house.  Marriage can be blindsided and crumbling with the damage of a termite's power before you even realize the walls are powder, joists are rotted, and the roof is caving.

Failure is never the goal on a wedding day.  Brokenness happens. We are in a fallen world and perfection will only be experienced in eternity.  Brokenness is not failure.

Being in a marriage that does not make it for all eternity does not make us failures.  We must embrace this truth.

We have not failed our families.  We have been hurt, heartbroken, humbled, and horrified at our circumstances.  But, we are not failures.

I love you, readers....truly.  I'm praying for you. God is so in love with us; let's hold on to that truth.