After 23 years of homeschooling my children, having graduated the first five with five more to go, I registered those last five kiddles in public school this past week. Whhhheeeeewwwww....you cannot imagine the angst this caused me. Have a failed them? Could I have done a better job of organizing my time and life to handle teaching them at home? Will they make 'the grade' in school?
On top of this change in life, the house is for sale, I've taken on two jobs I've mentioned before, and I've made a church change. So much alteration to life. Two kids are moving out, one going into the Army, another is starting college, ......it all feels like too much. So, God offered me some ease in all the changes; some affirmations that we will be okay here in the Hansen household.
Friday, I went to the Central Montcalm school complex in Stanton. I registered the elementary kiddles and picked up the paperwork for the older kids. First, God sent Heather Guelzo for me. She is the elementary school secretary, but also a gal I've known of for many years. She walked me through the process of registration, grabbed my hand and told me 'this is going to be okay'. Then, I met a counselor who was so compassionate to my concerns.
Over the next couple days, I met principals, a board member, some students, was told of Bible studies held during lunch hour with local youth pastors, met little kiddos who loved, loved, loved the teachers my own children will have this fall....affirmation and confirmation just kept coming my way.
When I drove to the school Friday morning, I felt as though I could vomit. But, when I left the parking lot, I was rejoicing. God had prepared the way for me. He had brought people into my path to assure me He was in this decision I've made, He's on my side, He's working for the family good, and He just plain old cares that I'm stressed over multiple changes taking place now.
Life is full of decisions that can make us drop to our knees with confusion, pressure and ambiguity. If it is not our desire to sin, and none of the choices involves sin, then we don't always know which is the best, right, wisest, etc. We just have to move forward. Pray. Ask for wisdom. Then decide. Nothing is set in stone. Cement does not harden up around our choices most of the time, so if something does not work out, we can back up and try another direction. We are allowed. Personally, I need to learn to give myself permission to do this.
As I sit here writing now, I am just so thankful God knew that this particular decision about school for the kids was a biggie for me. A crazy biggie. He knew my need. He met my need.
Each time I hear another comment, or get another insight, I am secretly delighted and having a party inside - knowing God has touched my cheek again, and said, "It's okay, Gayle. I'm going ahead of you. I'll go ahead of the children, prepare the way, and lead you, and them, in love. Trust me. I love you."
God is just so grand. He blows me away.
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