Yesterday, I watched a dear friend, a single mom, carry the heaviest load any parent could ever bear. She walked through the day as a grieving mother who had to release her son from life. She, in vain, did CPR for a half hour on a son she knew would never respond to it, but she could NOT let the chance go by that her efforts might make a difference. This dear lady worked to physical exhaustion, but her might was not enough. Her nineteen year old son was gone.
I arrived at her home as the coroner left with the young man. My stomach almost released its contents. How would this mom press on?
The rest of the day was spent making necessary phone calls, making food, doing dishes, going to pick up other children - who were miraculously gone during the trauma - that needed to be told the horrible news of their older brother's death; praying, and, eventually, just sitting together offering the sacrifice of praise in worship songs as we closed the day with singing around the dining room table.
I was more than humbled by the honor of being allowed to stay at the home, be with the family, to be given the chance to take part in their darkest hour, rather than be kept at arms length. These people do not know the treasure they offered me in letting me share in their grief, letting me be exposed to the most raw and vulnerable moments their lives could endure. My heart was overwhelmed by the grace I observed in the grieving mom, as she walked through the day. Her heart was concerned for each of her other children. She was worried about her ailing parents, the grieving grandparents of this young man. Yes, she was in shock, she'd just seen and experienced horror beyond description; but it was not her shock that made her so gracious. This is a woman of faith; her strength was from a heavenly Father that filled her with all she could not humanly have exhibited without His filling and upholding her.
The manifestation of HIM in HER was overwhelming. And real.
I watched miracles yesterday. I witnessed moments like those we speak of when we say, "I don't know how I'd handle it......Oh, you only get grace for such moments when you really need it." I saw those moments come to reality. Witnessing grace and strength for the time of need was poweful. I saw God at work. Tangibly. Visibly. Within my grasp.
My grieving friend is in the end of a very painful divorce. Her life has been filled with heartache and trauma. Nothing like yesterday, but, painful nonetheless. Her former husband, the heartbroken father, was numb when we faced him with the news of his son's death. But, harder than watching the grief on the faces of these two people, was watching them walk down a garden path to a home where their youngest daughters were staying to go deliver the news of their brother's death. Those two parents, spouses no longer connected by love or companionship, walked with heads down, a foot apart, not able to reach out to each other with even a gentle stroke on the arm or shoulder.
Their grief was palpable, raw, overwhelming. But, they could not share it. There was no ability to minister to each other in it.
This was the undoing of my emotions yesterday afternoon. I had not sobbed before that moment. It was not my place to take all sorts of tears to the house....I wept with this mom, I held her, prayed with her. But, I was not going to talk about how this whole idea of losing a child was 'hitting me'. Not the time or place at ALL. But, I let the tears fall heartily as I watched her walk away from me, with her former husband, yet so alone.
At that moment, I became very aware of another facet of the gem called 'single parenting', 'single life'. One of the parts not so pleasant. Not so peaceful. My heart felt sick for this precious woman, then. And for every single parent that has done, or will do, the same walk of grief.
Oh, God, please give grace for every such moment.
Yet, she was not alone. No, she did not have the support of a husband walking through her grief. But, God has forged a bond between her, myself, and a band of Christian sisters who love each other with a fierce passion. That bond was forged more powerfully yesterday. As single women, we MUST seek and join ourselves to dear friends - ones who will journey along with us on every road we walk. The group I mention is such a companion for the journey.
Some of us converged upon this mom's property as soon as the call of emergency was put out over phones and internet connections. There was no asking if we should be there, no permission, no wondering...we just went. Police officers were taken aback by the support shown. They indicated that they don't usually see such a band of support in such situations as occurred at the home. The counsel team said they definitely knew she and her family would need counseling and aid at some point after such a trauma, yet, they knew she had a support system unlike most they had ever seen.
What a treasure from God. And what a blessing to me, at this very moment, to declare that I know those same ladies would flock together for me should I face such trauma.
God was at work there yesterday. The glory displayed in the love shown was absolutely astounding. I watched grace at work. The darkest day of this woman's life was not one she walked alone. This lady was NOT alone.
Oh, Father, thank you for such a gift for such a dear woman. You love her more than we ever could, and You made us aware of that on August 16th, 2011.
I say to every single woman out there; immerse yourself in friends, enrich your life and love with people of faith, strength and grace, give yourself to them and open your life humbly to their care over you. You will reap benefits beyond what money could afford. The gain in your life as you give yourself, as you vulnerably open your life to them, as you receive their care and their open vulnerable selves as well, will be of more value than gold, diamonds, or precious treasures.
Then, when you walk through the darkest days of life....death of a child, death of a parent, cancer, catastrophe, trauma of any sort....you will see the glory of God as He lays at your feet His tangible self in the form of those friends running to your door to hold onto you so you are NOT alone.
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