Cancel That....

..yep, cancel that last post.  No divorce.  The former spouse would not consent to the judgment paper work, could not come to the hearing, and multiple other issues that caused the judge to NOT be willing to sign the judgment in good conscience.  Yes, I'm beyond disappointed, fatigued and weary. But, with a bit of time to think on it all, I am still good with trusting God's sovereignty. 

And I'm seeing His hand at work already.  I can see where He is allowing the behavior of others to spin them around and bite them in the behind.  I'm seeing God meet out consequences for poor choices.  He is telling me to sit tight and let Him take all charge, let Him measure out consequences, vengence, and vindication.  I'm still learning the fine art of truly being still before the Father and learning He is sincerely God.  God of the universe, God of me, and God of all activity on earth.  I, on the other hand, am NOT.  

Don't you feel glad for that admission?  You wouldn't want me trying to control your life.  People who try to control others usually end up doing a pretty poor job of it, and mostly just cause strife and grief.   Glad that isn't God's method.

As I sit here writing, I am smiling at the support of dear, loved friends. Two went with me to court Friday.  Both are people I admire, trust, and love.  Both are people of prayer, grace, and love for Jesus.  What better support could I have with me?! My Jody, as I call her, held me and let me weep in the parking lot as I felt the pain of hope deferred.  Dear friend, Mike, insisted on treating me to coffee and a good, hearty breakfast to help me face the day, and to save me from heading out on the road in a very disappointed state of mind.  Both friends kept me from collapsing in despair as I left the courthouse.  Always surround yourself with dear friends. And always be one.

Mike was so wise.  He tried to make me smile at times, but knew that sometimes weeping with those who weep is the better choice.  Letting me cry was the need of the morning.  And he did, indeed, let me cry.  Let me talk.  Let me be quiet and glare.  He was sincerely Jesus to me that morning.  I hope I will be Jesus to anyone who needs me to be in that position someday.  Such a  gift was offered to me.  I want to pass it on.

I'm learning lessons on this frustrating road.  'Keep my  heart a learning one, Father.  Thank you, too, for the lessons learned by my children at this time.' The kiddles are learning to serve their mom in a totally different way. They have seen sorrow on my face, frustration, and many tears. But, they are loving me through them all, and showing such terrific support.  For this, I am duly grateful.

God has plans...and I'm ready to see them unfold.  Psalm 46:10, "Be Still and KNOW I AM God..."

Hard stuff, but well worth the stillness of heart. 

Love to each of you as you learn of this stillness with me.
Gayle

Peace from God, and no one else

Up until this time and over the past two years, I have been under a judgment of separate maintenance.  Michigan does not recognize the legal term ‘legal separation’, but it is the ‘same’ general idea.  I am not married, but I’m not free to remarry.

All that is about to change.   November 18^th, 2011.  Another November date in my life that marks a life changing moment.

Now, don’t get your panties in a wad; I’m not getting married.  NO one has offered that sort of gift to me, or that level of love.  But, I’m being set free. Free from turmoil. Confusion. Boundaries that are so blurry.

I consider it another deliverance.

Many folks have already accused me of sin, of unbiblical choices, of having no Scriptural grounds for divorce, of forcing my former spouse to commit adultery, of ruining my children’s lives.  Yes.  All those things.  I pray often that if I have ever cast unsolicited opinions or advice at someone in a major decision making period of life, that I never offended them. And if I did, then I have asked God to bring them to mind so I can go and apologize.  How do people believe they have such a right in the lives of others?  It causes pain, confusion, and strife.  Why do it?  Do these folks think they have a right to speak into my life in such a way?  I do not know, but I do know the stress they cause.  Such strife drove me to the place I should have gone in the beginning.  I should have sought counsel from sages I trust, then moved forward in making a decision with God, and God alone, as my sole approval ground.

I need no permission….no approval, of man or woman, to make my decisions.  Counsel, yes. Permission. NO.

The day I went to the courthouse to file my paper work as a pro per litigant, which is fancy speak for free, do it yourself attorney work, I prayed as I approached the clerk’s office , “Please, Father, could you let this all be done before my birthday? Can you give me such a miracle? Can you get the judge to waive the waiting period for divorce?  Father, I’m so tired of crap and hassle and grief.  Can you please just set me free?”

The words I heard in the clerk’s office were shocking to me.  The clerk didn’t know how to handle my case since she had never seen a separation work into a divorce because most folk just do a divorce first.  Never a separation in her history.  So, she said the judge was in her chambers and could be approached on the issues of my motion being filed.

After having been gone for about five minutes, she came back to tell me to change my motion from a complaint of divorce to a judgment of divorce, submit it as the retitled motion, and even file a preliminary judgment for the judge to preview, if I desired to do so.

She then gave me the judge’s administrator’s office contact number and told me to get a hearing date, file my notice of hearing with the court, have it served to my spouse and then be ready to be there.

I was dumbfounded.  Judgment is final.  No waiting. 

I left the courthouse in stunned shock.  Did I just hear her right?  This could be done fast.  I prayed that God would let thi all be done before my birthday, which is November 23^rd.

When I sat in my car seat, I started to weep. Then to sob.  God had answered my prayer.  NO waiting period. 

I called my father in tears, told him I was fine, but that I was in an overwhelmed state of mind.  Who could bring me such a peace, but God.  I was having no sensation of second guessing.  Only peace.  There was no guilt feeling.  Only peace.  There was no heaviness of heart or mind.  Only peace and an overwhelmed sense of gratitude.

My phone call to the court administrator the next day yielded more news that dropped me to my knees in gratitude.  November 18^th had many open times for hearings.  I chose nine thirty in the morning.

November 18^th is five days before m y 47^th birthday. 

God granted my pleadings.  He has said, “Gayle, I grieve over the brokenness of a marriage. But, it is not the end of the world, and it does not change my relationship to you.  I love you.  Under my mercy come and wait…we’ll be face to face one day, and until then, I see no stain on you my child.  Your relationship to me is the vital one…not a marital relationship.  Marriage is meant to be an image of something greater and eternal, but it is made of humans who have broken wills, bad relational skills, and an oftimes unyielded mindset to my yearnings for them and their behavior.  This breaks marriages.  This causes pain.  But, you will go on, Gayle.  You will move ahead and I will love you all the while.”

No, I don’t hear audible voices from God, yet I felt that sense of extreme peace and serenity as I heard those thoughts pour into me.  My peace was from God. And He was operating outside of the box for me.  So many times, humans believe God only works within a small boundary.  But, there are multitudes of issues not clearly defined as many critics believe, and God can do as He pleases within those.  I am NOT Him. Neither are you.  It is not my job, or yours, to figure out every little detail God is allowing or doing.  He brings peace and comfort in His own methodology.  And in my case, now, it was the answered prayer..the waiver of a waiting period for divorce.  The consent of the judge to press on quickly.  The Father held me gently, and said, “I’m here, Gayle. You are deeply okay, child of mine.  Press on….I love you so much.”

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Oh, Father, thank you for peace, for comfort, for answered pleadings.  You know my weakness, my frailty, and you go before me to line the way with your strength for me.

I love you, Lord.

Thank you for your peace.

e e he