Ahhh...a fresh, white screen sits before me, ready for the keyboard strikes to begin filling it. What an invitation to creative flow!!!!
Though not single anymore, I am not yet ready to change the name of this blog...especially since I don't know how to do all that fancy graphic stuff with those letters up there. A friend designed the Single Trials logo for me, and I am clueless about how to make the title something more akin to my new life as a married woman learning how to be a wife again.
Besides that, I still have alot of lessons learned, thoughts gleaned, and wounds healed or healing from the single years. So, my thinking on it isn't over.
The past few days, I have been thinking again on single friends, men and women, who are longing for a companion. It is a painful place to be 'alone' when you have known what companionship can feel like. We are all safe and truly sufficient to live alone, or raise children as single parents, but oh, the ease and restfulness of mind offered to the soul when a partner faces life beside us.
A recent reading of the early chapters of Genesis, and a bit of Donald Miller's book Searching for God Knows What, has me considering Adam in the Garden of Eden. You know the story...where the Creator God designed Adam to steward all of creation, to name animals...and then declared there was no companion suitable for the man, though there were hundreds, if not thousands, of species of animals all around him. Now, this Adam was in complete communion and fellowship with God Almighty. They talked and shared intimate time together. Yet, this story still declares there was not an equal companion for the man. God was enough..yet, He was not.
So, this has lead me to think that the longing for a companion after becoming a single person through divorce or death is not unusual at all. Nor is it unbiblical to long for such company. Yes, I know the passages on divorce and adultery, and the enormous disparity of opinions and conviction on these things, but I am not here to address that idea at present. That could mean writing another book on the subject, of which there are already hundreds. I am merely discussing the longing of the human heart....a heart the Father of Creation made to need companionship.
Please understand, I am not writing to discuss major theological understanding on this issue. I am discussing humanity, humanity that the Father created, that is more complex than the mere 67 books of the Bible could ever begin to cover with all its facets. God designed the human heart. He has spoken need into it. It is for Him to fill our deepest needs...those of the eternal spirit, the part of us that will go on living long after our heart stops beating. He also created the soul, the yearning soul, the one meant to connect to other human beings. We connect through friendships of a platonic nature, but we also crave the fellowship of one special person that will know us intimately like no other on earth will have the privilege.
Thus, my thoughts on my single friends; the ones who want what Edwin and I are growing into in our own lives. We are learning to be spouses to each other...doing the work of loving, listening, serving, and giving in order to be the couple into which God is shaping us for His purposes. My prayer for these folks is a redemption of their hearts....a restored joy in love. These aren't people who lived lurid lives that led to singleness due to illicit choices. They are individuals who have suffered loss, broken heartedness, and wounds that go deep to the bone. I believe with all my heart that the Father in heaven aches for these souls.
I dare not ever speak for God...that would show I think I know his mind, which would be an extreme lack of reverence for the omnipotence and omniscience which belong to Him alone. But, I know how He ministered such love to me, I know His heart is tender for His people, I know He can work outside of the box we humans have designed for him with our feeble minds and ideas. God can and does bring love again. He does restore joy. He does bring redemption. Even when we don't think we deserve it or will never see it.
Yes, the lonely heart needs healing in God alone. Yes, wounds must be dealt with in order to make a person ready to proceed into a new relationship. These things are vital to a healthy renewal of life. Without those two issues dealt with, only pain will exist. And some healing will only come as a new relationship begins and issues of pain are faced....one can't know what will happen in the heart until face to face with an opportunity to test the newly strengthened and healing heart. But, moving forward can happen. God does do that for us.
My prayer for my single friends is a restful heart in the Father's arms...a knowledge of His powerful love, protection, provision, and His banner over them. After that, I pray He brings them love on earth...a hand to hold, arms to squeeze them, a face to wake up to each morning, a heart to hear their own, hands to work out life's trials with, feet to work on a home or car..simple things that are valuable treasures a partner brings to the banquet table of life.
The Father in heaven is able and willing to bring love...partner..companionship suitable to our heart's need. He is enough. Truly. But, He does KNOW our longing.
I love you, my friends.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Single Trials...lesson learned along the way
Wow, I just looked at the date of the last blog I wrote and realized it has been nine months since being creative and thought provoking here on the blog. Quite honestly, my blogs about single life were creating too much personal drama, life interrogation, gossip, and slander, I just gave up on using this media to share my thinking and pondering on all that was happening in me during the days and months living as a woman alone raising several children, working two and three part time jobs, and maintaining a house and home. The stress wasn't worth the energy gained by pouring myself in to creative writing.
But, much has happened in the past several months, and darn it all, I feel like writing again.
For one thing, I'm not single anymore.
That's right. On October 19th, 2012, I was joined in marriage to an amazing man of God, of passion, of commitment, and love...Edwin Cohea. Also, I moved to a town seventy miles away from where I'd lived for almost thirty years. Jobs changed, schools changed, church changed, friends around me changed, name changed, .....a lot changed. But, I'm still standing. Thank you, Father, because I know apart from you, I could not be standing with any strength, worth or grace....you are at work in me.
Moving as a single woman was an astounding task. I was overwhelmed in every way. Without the aid of wonderful friends, I would not have been able to accomplish such a huge task. Surrounding yourself with good friends, folks in a supportive church like I had...these are vital choices for single folks to make. I learned a great deal about humbley asking for and accepting help during the time of the move from a huge house, to a smaller one in a community seventy miles away. Much sacrifice was made on my behalf....I cannot praise God for it enough. I pray often, still, that He blesses those people who gave so much to me then.
During the months leading to my move, I was praying the prayer many single people pray. "Lord, please send someone who will love me well..someone I can respect, love, serve, care about in earnest...someone who will love my children like his own...someone who will love you more than he loves me, because I know if he loves you, he will love me well. Please, Father..I'm weary of being alone, I'm overwhelmed, I want a partner, I want a friend, I don't want to sleep and wake alone anymore. Lord, I know you are supposed to be ENOUGH....and in life, you are...but I long for a tangible hand to hold, Lord. Please understand..I know you do..I know you know my heart."
Well, it was not long after that God sent Edwin. Here's the ripper...you'd be amazed at all the people that think they know the heart of God for me; the ones who declared I was disgusting, adulteress, sinful, not spiritual, sad, etc. Yet, those folks did not know every legal, spiritual, emotional detail of my life, my bills, my circumstances, my mind....or my conversation with my Father. I am beyond grateful for God's work in bringing Edwin to me....the details are so phenomenal to go over in order to see His hand in little tidbits of each happening or conversation between Edwin and me. But, it is easier for people to judge and be offended by my choices, my joy, my delight, than to seek to really know what was happening for me.
Be learned, single friends, that it is often human nature for the heart of man, or woman, friend, family, whoever...to not know what to do WITH YOU when you enter into a joyful place, when you feel or believe God is moving in your life but they do not get it as you do. Many opinions will come your way, many words of judgment, many words of disdain....yet most of those won't come after a nice, long conversation with you as a person gets to know your heart.
Those sharp, fiery darts will be aimed at you in reaction, not response. They will come in letters, emails, facebook posts, comments to other friends. So, get ready to wield a tough skin.
I learned this the hard way. Oh, admonishments came to me...be ready, don't be so open with your life, don't let so many into your business, guard yourself. But, I've always been an open book, so I hid nothing, since I had nothing to hide. When I had joy, I shared it. Yet, I'm here to share with you now...be wise, be tempered, be measured as my husband likes to say. Be wise in whom you trust with your secret joy treasures. No, you are not ashamed of them, but guard your joys and share them with only those who will rejoice with you.
I am NOT saying you won't receive some honest, loving admonishment from someone who truly knows you, has suffered like and with you. If you do, then listen to those folks, receive their words as ones of care and genuine concern. Pray over them. But, only those words. Just let fly those that come from spite, hatefulness, judgment and criticism that has no base in love for you or God. It is not a person who truly fears God, and knows him or reveres Him, that can spew venomous words as though they are from His heart for you. God does not work that way. You don't see that in the new covenant anywhere.
A precious friend recently shared with me wisdom learned when she traversed the same path I have trod this past year. She said she learned to become very intimate with her husband and her heavenly Father; to let her joys be with those two most precious men in her life. Others like to steal joy in the redemption of God in your life. Guard that work.
I learned the hard way. When God is doing redemptive, restorative work in you, your life, or your circumstances...restoring joy to broken places in your heart - rejoice only before the Father and with those you know whose hearts will grasp the deep places to which God has taken you. Do not exploit those treasures like cheap Chuckie Cheese toys won with paper tokens....cherish them and handle them tenderly and with protection as prizes from heaven, given to you in dark places, treacherous adventures, and painful works as God alone can foster in you. These gifts may be personally in you, they may also be in the gifts of love from another....redemption, restored joy, healing, wounds cleansed...delight in them as straight from the hand of God. Boldly give thanks for them and do not let the enemy of your soul steal them through guilt, fear, worry, or the words of unkind people.
I rejoice with you, my dear friends, who are and have been single...who God is loving as a faithful husbandman, and who God may be giving a mate to even today. He is faithful...trust Him with your prayers and with your rejoicing. Your intimacy with Him, your security in Him....precious indeed.
I love you, friends. You are such treasures.
But, much has happened in the past several months, and darn it all, I feel like writing again.
For one thing, I'm not single anymore.
That's right. On October 19th, 2012, I was joined in marriage to an amazing man of God, of passion, of commitment, and love...Edwin Cohea. Also, I moved to a town seventy miles away from where I'd lived for almost thirty years. Jobs changed, schools changed, church changed, friends around me changed, name changed, .....a lot changed. But, I'm still standing. Thank you, Father, because I know apart from you, I could not be standing with any strength, worth or grace....you are at work in me.
Moving as a single woman was an astounding task. I was overwhelmed in every way. Without the aid of wonderful friends, I would not have been able to accomplish such a huge task. Surrounding yourself with good friends, folks in a supportive church like I had...these are vital choices for single folks to make. I learned a great deal about humbley asking for and accepting help during the time of the move from a huge house, to a smaller one in a community seventy miles away. Much sacrifice was made on my behalf....I cannot praise God for it enough. I pray often, still, that He blesses those people who gave so much to me then.
During the months leading to my move, I was praying the prayer many single people pray. "Lord, please send someone who will love me well..someone I can respect, love, serve, care about in earnest...someone who will love my children like his own...someone who will love you more than he loves me, because I know if he loves you, he will love me well. Please, Father..I'm weary of being alone, I'm overwhelmed, I want a partner, I want a friend, I don't want to sleep and wake alone anymore. Lord, I know you are supposed to be ENOUGH....and in life, you are...but I long for a tangible hand to hold, Lord. Please understand..I know you do..I know you know my heart."
Well, it was not long after that God sent Edwin. Here's the ripper...you'd be amazed at all the people that think they know the heart of God for me; the ones who declared I was disgusting, adulteress, sinful, not spiritual, sad, etc. Yet, those folks did not know every legal, spiritual, emotional detail of my life, my bills, my circumstances, my mind....or my conversation with my Father. I am beyond grateful for God's work in bringing Edwin to me....the details are so phenomenal to go over in order to see His hand in little tidbits of each happening or conversation between Edwin and me. But, it is easier for people to judge and be offended by my choices, my joy, my delight, than to seek to really know what was happening for me.
Be learned, single friends, that it is often human nature for the heart of man, or woman, friend, family, whoever...to not know what to do WITH YOU when you enter into a joyful place, when you feel or believe God is moving in your life but they do not get it as you do. Many opinions will come your way, many words of judgment, many words of disdain....yet most of those won't come after a nice, long conversation with you as a person gets to know your heart.
Those sharp, fiery darts will be aimed at you in reaction, not response. They will come in letters, emails, facebook posts, comments to other friends. So, get ready to wield a tough skin.
I learned this the hard way. Oh, admonishments came to me...be ready, don't be so open with your life, don't let so many into your business, guard yourself. But, I've always been an open book, so I hid nothing, since I had nothing to hide. When I had joy, I shared it. Yet, I'm here to share with you now...be wise, be tempered, be measured as my husband likes to say. Be wise in whom you trust with your secret joy treasures. No, you are not ashamed of them, but guard your joys and share them with only those who will rejoice with you.
I am NOT saying you won't receive some honest, loving admonishment from someone who truly knows you, has suffered like and with you. If you do, then listen to those folks, receive their words as ones of care and genuine concern. Pray over them. But, only those words. Just let fly those that come from spite, hatefulness, judgment and criticism that has no base in love for you or God. It is not a person who truly fears God, and knows him or reveres Him, that can spew venomous words as though they are from His heart for you. God does not work that way. You don't see that in the new covenant anywhere.
A precious friend recently shared with me wisdom learned when she traversed the same path I have trod this past year. She said she learned to become very intimate with her husband and her heavenly Father; to let her joys be with those two most precious men in her life. Others like to steal joy in the redemption of God in your life. Guard that work.
I learned the hard way. When God is doing redemptive, restorative work in you, your life, or your circumstances...restoring joy to broken places in your heart - rejoice only before the Father and with those you know whose hearts will grasp the deep places to which God has taken you. Do not exploit those treasures like cheap Chuckie Cheese toys won with paper tokens....cherish them and handle them tenderly and with protection as prizes from heaven, given to you in dark places, treacherous adventures, and painful works as God alone can foster in you. These gifts may be personally in you, they may also be in the gifts of love from another....redemption, restored joy, healing, wounds cleansed...delight in them as straight from the hand of God. Boldly give thanks for them and do not let the enemy of your soul steal them through guilt, fear, worry, or the words of unkind people.
I rejoice with you, my dear friends, who are and have been single...who God is loving as a faithful husbandman, and who God may be giving a mate to even today. He is faithful...trust Him with your prayers and with your rejoicing. Your intimacy with Him, your security in Him....precious indeed.
I love you, friends. You are such treasures.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Never Planned an Agenda
As a writer, I notice the composition style and mannerisms of other writers whether they be on a blog, a magazine article, a news clipping, or a Facebook post. It sounds awful of me, but I notice grammatical errors, spelling faux pas, and poor word choices. More than these, though, I notice when someone authors a piece with a specific agenda in mind; a targeted audience of many or just one.
There are times that a topic must be addressed in writing, and an agenda is in the forefront of the writer's mind. Topical essays, letters to the editor, magazine articles - each has very appropriate times when an agenda is the purpose of the composition. Appropriate is a key word there. Ofttimes, when a person speaks or writes with an agenda in mind, it is done with a titch of cynicism, with a goal of 'making a kill' to a particular person, club, or group. This always gives me a discomforting feeling, as though somewhere down the pike, some grace went missing.
I've hoped and purposed as I've written this blog to NOT be agenda minded, to NOT try to score any points against anyone in my life. Being gracious and classy is more important to me. Really.
But, today, I might slip a bit. My heart and mind have been aching too much to not speak of a topic that concerns me and hurts me. The topic is gossip.
I am not sure what makes people desire to be unkind in their speech. Or what makes people need to find out information that is absolutely not one shred of their business. There is a complete awareness on my part that I am not the first, nor will I be the last - what a shame - divorcing or maritally battling person to be discussed in whispers or rooms where I am not present. If someone really and sincerely wants to know something about my life, should they not ask ME instead of a neighbor, distant family member, fellow church member?
People going through divorce, separation, or marital strife are truly stressed. Usually, if a couple gets to the point of separating or divorce, the marriage has gone beyond basic agitating behaviors or personality clashes. Would it not be better to sincerely pray for those people, have compassion, than to sit and discuss them in your front parlor or the women's bathroom at church?
Father, please forgive me for this sin if it has been in my past. Please bring it to mind if I have done this. I want to make it right with anyone I've hurt.
Single people - by choice or by forced action on them - are going through hell and high water. To add hurt to their already stressed days by speaking unkindly of them, questioning their decisions and actions and activities - what is the purpose or value of such deeds by you? Ask yourself this the next time a name comes to the tip of your tongue and you want to speak harshly, judge critically, or make a sweeping assessment of the life of that person. Should you keep talking, or stop mid-sentence and ask for self control?
If you are sincerely concerned and not just curious about a single person's life, then ask them with genuine, authentic compassion. Pray for them. Hug them. Listen to them. Do NOT take what they tell you and use it for morsels of sweetness to feed to another person where those words will turn sour in their soul. Protect your single friend; protect your family member going through tough times.
If you have NOT walked in the shoes of a single person or single parent, then you have no idea about the reasons WHY they make household or parenting decisions they must make for pure survival, financial risk, or household peace and sanity. If you have NOT tried to parent, work, maintain a car and home, keep a pantry full, a school schedule covered, children disciplined and getting along, pay bills, look for better work, sell your house, go to school...all without the aid of a good spouse, then please do NOT think you might have better ideas for the single person.
If you have prayed for them and the heavenly Father gives you a creative solution to a household issue, repair, finance problem, then please share it with them. The opposite of this true help is to discuss with other people the problem you see in the home, how you think the single friend is missing the boat, how you have a much better solution and how you would never make that same mistake. Oh, how the Father in heaven has humbled me from such pedestals of pride in my own life. When I was a young mother, I was sure my children would NEVER do what other bratty kids did. NO way. I had better methods of mothering. When I watched other husbands and wives lose their way, I was sure that would never be me, I had the Holy Spirit, I would always be strong and could always make things work with enough spirituality in my life.
How wrong I was on both counts. I can sincerely say I am thankful for the merciful humbling God has brought to me. He has not been harsh with me as He's shown me just how ugly my heart was in its critical state. My gratefulness for the love He's filled me with is overflowing....really. I can say that with honesty, even though crap still happens.
This post is more harsh in nature than my usual writing. It is focused at some personal pains of late, words I've heard cast at my reputation, my name, my activities....but never to my face, just the 'she said, she heard that you such and such'. Oh, really. SHE never asked me. SHE or HE never talked to me about any of this.
I have asked God to convict my heart when I hurt others this way. Please, Father, keep me from harming people. It is so hurtful. Even though we are told that what others think of us is not our business; or don't worry what others think of you - having your name and character and choices and activities judged, critiqued, and discussed is not an easy flaming arrow to douse.
Taking thoughts captive is what I always pray to do if I hear bad things about myself. But that takes energy, prayer and an attitude of forgiveness. Truthfully, if it wasn't happening, the energy would be spared for more substantial issues in life.
Spare your friends and family this energy robbing mental battle. Shape your speech with compassion and genuine care directed AT your single friend. Don't let your words about them travel through the air to ears that need NOT hear them. Speak only to your stressed and busy friend, and when you do, have the goal of love from a pure heart, like Paul did when he instructed his followers.
I love you friends, I want NO distance, no hurts in the air. I am positive your other friends do not either. Love with your words.
Love you truly, Gayle
There are times that a topic must be addressed in writing, and an agenda is in the forefront of the writer's mind. Topical essays, letters to the editor, magazine articles - each has very appropriate times when an agenda is the purpose of the composition. Appropriate is a key word there. Ofttimes, when a person speaks or writes with an agenda in mind, it is done with a titch of cynicism, with a goal of 'making a kill' to a particular person, club, or group. This always gives me a discomforting feeling, as though somewhere down the pike, some grace went missing.
I've hoped and purposed as I've written this blog to NOT be agenda minded, to NOT try to score any points against anyone in my life. Being gracious and classy is more important to me. Really.
But, today, I might slip a bit. My heart and mind have been aching too much to not speak of a topic that concerns me and hurts me. The topic is gossip.
I am not sure what makes people desire to be unkind in their speech. Or what makes people need to find out information that is absolutely not one shred of their business. There is a complete awareness on my part that I am not the first, nor will I be the last - what a shame - divorcing or maritally battling person to be discussed in whispers or rooms where I am not present. If someone really and sincerely wants to know something about my life, should they not ask ME instead of a neighbor, distant family member, fellow church member?
People going through divorce, separation, or marital strife are truly stressed. Usually, if a couple gets to the point of separating or divorce, the marriage has gone beyond basic agitating behaviors or personality clashes. Would it not be better to sincerely pray for those people, have compassion, than to sit and discuss them in your front parlor or the women's bathroom at church?
Father, please forgive me for this sin if it has been in my past. Please bring it to mind if I have done this. I want to make it right with anyone I've hurt.
Single people - by choice or by forced action on them - are going through hell and high water. To add hurt to their already stressed days by speaking unkindly of them, questioning their decisions and actions and activities - what is the purpose or value of such deeds by you? Ask yourself this the next time a name comes to the tip of your tongue and you want to speak harshly, judge critically, or make a sweeping assessment of the life of that person. Should you keep talking, or stop mid-sentence and ask for self control?
If you are sincerely concerned and not just curious about a single person's life, then ask them with genuine, authentic compassion. Pray for them. Hug them. Listen to them. Do NOT take what they tell you and use it for morsels of sweetness to feed to another person where those words will turn sour in their soul. Protect your single friend; protect your family member going through tough times.
If you have NOT walked in the shoes of a single person or single parent, then you have no idea about the reasons WHY they make household or parenting decisions they must make for pure survival, financial risk, or household peace and sanity. If you have NOT tried to parent, work, maintain a car and home, keep a pantry full, a school schedule covered, children disciplined and getting along, pay bills, look for better work, sell your house, go to school...all without the aid of a good spouse, then please do NOT think you might have better ideas for the single person.
If you have prayed for them and the heavenly Father gives you a creative solution to a household issue, repair, finance problem, then please share it with them. The opposite of this true help is to discuss with other people the problem you see in the home, how you think the single friend is missing the boat, how you have a much better solution and how you would never make that same mistake. Oh, how the Father in heaven has humbled me from such pedestals of pride in my own life. When I was a young mother, I was sure my children would NEVER do what other bratty kids did. NO way. I had better methods of mothering. When I watched other husbands and wives lose their way, I was sure that would never be me, I had the Holy Spirit, I would always be strong and could always make things work with enough spirituality in my life.
How wrong I was on both counts. I can sincerely say I am thankful for the merciful humbling God has brought to me. He has not been harsh with me as He's shown me just how ugly my heart was in its critical state. My gratefulness for the love He's filled me with is overflowing....really. I can say that with honesty, even though crap still happens.
This post is more harsh in nature than my usual writing. It is focused at some personal pains of late, words I've heard cast at my reputation, my name, my activities....but never to my face, just the 'she said, she heard that you such and such'. Oh, really. SHE never asked me. SHE or HE never talked to me about any of this.
I have asked God to convict my heart when I hurt others this way. Please, Father, keep me from harming people. It is so hurtful. Even though we are told that what others think of us is not our business; or don't worry what others think of you - having your name and character and choices and activities judged, critiqued, and discussed is not an easy flaming arrow to douse.
Taking thoughts captive is what I always pray to do if I hear bad things about myself. But that takes energy, prayer and an attitude of forgiveness. Truthfully, if it wasn't happening, the energy would be spared for more substantial issues in life.
Spare your friends and family this energy robbing mental battle. Shape your speech with compassion and genuine care directed AT your single friend. Don't let your words about them travel through the air to ears that need NOT hear them. Speak only to your stressed and busy friend, and when you do, have the goal of love from a pure heart, like Paul did when he instructed his followers.
I love you friends, I want NO distance, no hurts in the air. I am positive your other friends do not either. Love with your words.
Love you truly, Gayle
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Fellowship of friends...vital to thriving as a single person
This morning, I spent an hour in the company of so many good friends. I'd dropped my children off at Sunday School and was then planning to leave for my workplace a bit early for my shift. But, instead, I stayed and chatted with many dear folks God has sent into my life. I left the church feeling richer for each second spent in hugging, chatting, and sharing.
One of the conversations left me with a greater understanding of just how vital these moments of fellowship are for healing, thriving, and moving forward as a single person.
After I received tight squeezes from one couple, a conversation was started between us regarding my blog and how it touches the lives of people. We began discussing the hunger for love that exists in so many men and women that are single after a painful marriage and divorce. So often, in a very troublesome marriage, the hearts in it are hurting and very empty. Many times, abusive words and actions have caused scarring and aching that cut deep into the core of the soul. The loneliness and yearning for love in such situations is a force with which many must battle like Gandalf battled Saruman in The Lord of the Rings. If you have seen those movies, you will know the power thrown about in that fight was intense, injurious, and life threatening.
A heart broken by words that damaged it is hungry - like a ravenous lion preying about for anything to fill its belly. The problem is that a starving lion will eat rotting meat, not just a fresh kill. A dying animal will chew upon a creature covered in maggots, not caring about the condition of its meal, just that its stomach pangs are satiated.
Pretty unsavory images there, aren't they? And exactly how does that connect to the conversation I had this morning with two very dear people? I think you can sense where I am headed, can't you?
When a man or woman is left alone after a divorce, whether by no choice of his or her own, or by the choice to seek freedom and healing; this person is usually starving for a connection that will fill all the aching spots within that have gone without feeding for far too long. Left starving for affection, tenderness, kindness, and genuine care, a heart is emaciated, dry, and screaming for something, anything, to fill its tortured emptiness.
You know I am going to tell you that there is only ONE who can ultimately fill the deepest ache of your heart.
Jesus is the sole lover of your soul who can satisfy your intense need. And do NOT get me wrong - the need is INTENSE and it is REAL.
Love is a horribly vital desire of the human spirit, heart and soul. The kind that satisfies, though, is only found in Christ Jesus. No human on earth can fill your hearts emptiness. You will forever be disappointed by a man or woman if you look to them to heal your heart's lonely places. You will be giving them an impossible task to carry out for you as they try to show you love.
Before you grab onto, or grasp the hand of offered love, fall at the feet of the heavenly Father, receive His unending, never changing, sovereign, merciful love for you. Allow Him to fill you, heal you, feed you, and hydrate your dry, parched heart.
It will take great strength of heart, which you most likely won't feel you possess, to stand firm against the rush of feelings that come over you when a kind word is spoken, a sweet gesture if offered, or someone of the opposite sex even offers you respect. Do not leap at these morsels for the filling of your emptiness. They are morsels, not full banquet feasts.
One day, a feast of human love may come your way, but, it will only be filling to you after you have satiated your hunger at the banquet of the Father's love for you. Give yourself some healing time to let his love overwhelm you. Kindness, respect, friendliness, romance - these all feel like water on a parched sponge after it has lain in the desert for months. But, be wise.
I am NOT suggesting you reject all offers of love or kindness; do not act embittered towards the opposite sex. I am speaking of not leaping at the first tidbits of kindness or flirtation that come your way because they seem like water to a parched tongue!!! You are worth the time taken to heal and become strong. Your heart is worth the richness you will gain as you grow in love with Jesus before grasping at the love of a human being.
Loneliness hurts. I know. Life feels better somehow when shared with a lover - a stroll on a beach, a walk in the mall, a drive in the country - all feel more wonderful when you can hold the hand of someone you love. But these same events can be a wealth of adventure and memory making when shared with a group of friends or your children, or parents. Or even alone. Yes, alone. When you know you are accompanied by the One who loves you most of all, each event is never really one where loneliness has to be the mindset with which you face it. Being alone...not in the company of another human...is not a precursor to loneliness. Remember, I do not advocate always doing things alone.....being with friends is healthy, warranted, wanted, enjoyable...all sorts of adjectives and adverbs. But, sometimes, doing something, just you, is okay. When you know you have your Bridegroom along beside you.
So, don't leap at offerings of romance or kindness like a dying animal might leap upon a carcass in the road. Your next love need not be road kill. You don't need to be that hungry. Let your soul and heart be healed and loved by the Ultimate Lover. Then, when love comes as a banquet feast for you, you can approach the buffet table and choose those delicacies suited to your palette, your greatest delights, and your hearts deepest desires.
As you await that banquet, feast upon the richness of dear friends, family, and folks who feed your soul with their precious love and care in Jesus.
I love you, friends....Gayle
One of the conversations left me with a greater understanding of just how vital these moments of fellowship are for healing, thriving, and moving forward as a single person.
After I received tight squeezes from one couple, a conversation was started between us regarding my blog and how it touches the lives of people. We began discussing the hunger for love that exists in so many men and women that are single after a painful marriage and divorce. So often, in a very troublesome marriage, the hearts in it are hurting and very empty. Many times, abusive words and actions have caused scarring and aching that cut deep into the core of the soul. The loneliness and yearning for love in such situations is a force with which many must battle like Gandalf battled Saruman in The Lord of the Rings. If you have seen those movies, you will know the power thrown about in that fight was intense, injurious, and life threatening.
A heart broken by words that damaged it is hungry - like a ravenous lion preying about for anything to fill its belly. The problem is that a starving lion will eat rotting meat, not just a fresh kill. A dying animal will chew upon a creature covered in maggots, not caring about the condition of its meal, just that its stomach pangs are satiated.
Pretty unsavory images there, aren't they? And exactly how does that connect to the conversation I had this morning with two very dear people? I think you can sense where I am headed, can't you?
When a man or woman is left alone after a divorce, whether by no choice of his or her own, or by the choice to seek freedom and healing; this person is usually starving for a connection that will fill all the aching spots within that have gone without feeding for far too long. Left starving for affection, tenderness, kindness, and genuine care, a heart is emaciated, dry, and screaming for something, anything, to fill its tortured emptiness.
You know I am going to tell you that there is only ONE who can ultimately fill the deepest ache of your heart.
Jesus is the sole lover of your soul who can satisfy your intense need. And do NOT get me wrong - the need is INTENSE and it is REAL.
Love is a horribly vital desire of the human spirit, heart and soul. The kind that satisfies, though, is only found in Christ Jesus. No human on earth can fill your hearts emptiness. You will forever be disappointed by a man or woman if you look to them to heal your heart's lonely places. You will be giving them an impossible task to carry out for you as they try to show you love.
Before you grab onto, or grasp the hand of offered love, fall at the feet of the heavenly Father, receive His unending, never changing, sovereign, merciful love for you. Allow Him to fill you, heal you, feed you, and hydrate your dry, parched heart.
It will take great strength of heart, which you most likely won't feel you possess, to stand firm against the rush of feelings that come over you when a kind word is spoken, a sweet gesture if offered, or someone of the opposite sex even offers you respect. Do not leap at these morsels for the filling of your emptiness. They are morsels, not full banquet feasts.
One day, a feast of human love may come your way, but, it will only be filling to you after you have satiated your hunger at the banquet of the Father's love for you. Give yourself some healing time to let his love overwhelm you. Kindness, respect, friendliness, romance - these all feel like water on a parched sponge after it has lain in the desert for months. But, be wise.
I am NOT suggesting you reject all offers of love or kindness; do not act embittered towards the opposite sex. I am speaking of not leaping at the first tidbits of kindness or flirtation that come your way because they seem like water to a parched tongue!!! You are worth the time taken to heal and become strong. Your heart is worth the richness you will gain as you grow in love with Jesus before grasping at the love of a human being.
Loneliness hurts. I know. Life feels better somehow when shared with a lover - a stroll on a beach, a walk in the mall, a drive in the country - all feel more wonderful when you can hold the hand of someone you love. But these same events can be a wealth of adventure and memory making when shared with a group of friends or your children, or parents. Or even alone. Yes, alone. When you know you are accompanied by the One who loves you most of all, each event is never really one where loneliness has to be the mindset with which you face it. Being alone...not in the company of another human...is not a precursor to loneliness. Remember, I do not advocate always doing things alone.....being with friends is healthy, warranted, wanted, enjoyable...all sorts of adjectives and adverbs. But, sometimes, doing something, just you, is okay. When you know you have your Bridegroom along beside you.
So, don't leap at offerings of romance or kindness like a dying animal might leap upon a carcass in the road. Your next love need not be road kill. You don't need to be that hungry. Let your soul and heart be healed and loved by the Ultimate Lover. Then, when love comes as a banquet feast for you, you can approach the buffet table and choose those delicacies suited to your palette, your greatest delights, and your hearts deepest desires.
As you await that banquet, feast upon the richness of dear friends, family, and folks who feed your soul with their precious love and care in Jesus.
I love you, friends....Gayle
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I know you want to be loved, but......
In a majority of the cases, divorced or widowed people would like to be remarried again, or at least a partner in a monogamously commited couple. It is natural to want to be loved again, and to offer the love one has in his or her own heart.
After months or many years of being 'alone', or not part of a loving couple, the human soul longs to connect in ways beyond friendship. The relationship that is friends first, then wonderfully leads to romance, is the longing of many a human heart.
But, in the longing to be loved by another, are you loving yourself enough first and foremost?
By this question, I mean, do you love yourself enough to demand that the person you connect to in love will also love YOU with respect, honor, and, the behaviors that would show that same respect and honor?
Are you settling for qualities that you do NOT want to live with the rest of your life?
You want love, but are you settling?
Settling has a negative connotation, doesn't it? It's not a peaceful, satisfying acquiescence to a condition; it is an unsatisfied, gotta take what you can get sort of decision.
Are you afraid no one else will want you? Do you think that a new love who pays attention to you, but is often rude or angry, is the one you must accept for love because another chance at a relationship may never happen?
Do you allow someone to make you battle feeling belittled? Stupid? Your ideas are unimportant? They won't admit to a deed when your feelings have been hurt? They won't discuss a painful occurance to you, because ultimately, it means they have to confess a wrong doing or an actual sin against you? He or she can be flirtatious with the opposite sex, but if you even greet a friend of the opposite sex with a hug, you are being inappropriate?
If any of these questions cause you to say, "Yes," then move on my friend. Stand up and love yourself.
Tell yourself you are WORTH loving, respecting, and treating well. Do NOT believe the lie that no one else will want you, or take you as you are, so you must accept rude behavior, callous comments, belittling words, or disrespect in any form.
Love yourself as God loves you. He has given you value by creating you in His Image, and by letting His son die for you. This world is full of brokenness caused by the fall of man, not God....but, there are men and women who choose wise, loving, honorable behaviors who can fall in love with you so that you have NO need to giving in to a relationship that will always hurt you.
Now, please, do not get me wrong. In any relationship, there will be moments of weakness, hurt feelings, and words for which someone must apologize. But, if those words and behaviors are the NORM, and not the abnormal, and someone does not want to discuss those things in order to apologize for them, then RUN to the nearest exit and wait for the BEST for you.
You are worth waiting for the best. Each of us has a best. Look yourself in the face as you gaze in a mirror, tell yourself you are worth more than gold; you will not SETTLE for less than a love that thrills your heart, encourages your spirit, makes your soar with delight in your soul, and gives you smiles at every thought of it.
Do NOT allow your heart to be ruled by a love that causes you to need to walk on eggshells in order to keep someone else happy, non-argumentative, and nice to you. Choose healthy, sound love. Be aware of any words or behaviors that send red flags flying before you eyes. Yield to those red flags. Don't let them keep waving over you, flaring in your face - lower those flags and walk away.
You are worth all the efforts and the sense of temporary loss you might experience as you choose to wait for a better love.
Wait for the best.
Settle for nothing less.
I love you, friends....Gayle
After months or many years of being 'alone', or not part of a loving couple, the human soul longs to connect in ways beyond friendship. The relationship that is friends first, then wonderfully leads to romance, is the longing of many a human heart.
But, in the longing to be loved by another, are you loving yourself enough first and foremost?
By this question, I mean, do you love yourself enough to demand that the person you connect to in love will also love YOU with respect, honor, and, the behaviors that would show that same respect and honor?
Are you settling for qualities that you do NOT want to live with the rest of your life?
You want love, but are you settling?
Settling has a negative connotation, doesn't it? It's not a peaceful, satisfying acquiescence to a condition; it is an unsatisfied, gotta take what you can get sort of decision.
Are you afraid no one else will want you? Do you think that a new love who pays attention to you, but is often rude or angry, is the one you must accept for love because another chance at a relationship may never happen?
Do you allow someone to make you battle feeling belittled? Stupid? Your ideas are unimportant? They won't admit to a deed when your feelings have been hurt? They won't discuss a painful occurance to you, because ultimately, it means they have to confess a wrong doing or an actual sin against you? He or she can be flirtatious with the opposite sex, but if you even greet a friend of the opposite sex with a hug, you are being inappropriate?
If any of these questions cause you to say, "Yes," then move on my friend. Stand up and love yourself.
Tell yourself you are WORTH loving, respecting, and treating well. Do NOT believe the lie that no one else will want you, or take you as you are, so you must accept rude behavior, callous comments, belittling words, or disrespect in any form.
Love yourself as God loves you. He has given you value by creating you in His Image, and by letting His son die for you. This world is full of brokenness caused by the fall of man, not God....but, there are men and women who choose wise, loving, honorable behaviors who can fall in love with you so that you have NO need to giving in to a relationship that will always hurt you.
Now, please, do not get me wrong. In any relationship, there will be moments of weakness, hurt feelings, and words for which someone must apologize. But, if those words and behaviors are the NORM, and not the abnormal, and someone does not want to discuss those things in order to apologize for them, then RUN to the nearest exit and wait for the BEST for you.
You are worth waiting for the best. Each of us has a best. Look yourself in the face as you gaze in a mirror, tell yourself you are worth more than gold; you will not SETTLE for less than a love that thrills your heart, encourages your spirit, makes your soar with delight in your soul, and gives you smiles at every thought of it.
Do NOT allow your heart to be ruled by a love that causes you to need to walk on eggshells in order to keep someone else happy, non-argumentative, and nice to you. Choose healthy, sound love. Be aware of any words or behaviors that send red flags flying before you eyes. Yield to those red flags. Don't let them keep waving over you, flaring in your face - lower those flags and walk away.
You are worth all the efforts and the sense of temporary loss you might experience as you choose to wait for a better love.
Wait for the best.
Settle for nothing less.
I love you, friends....Gayle
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Valentine's Day Schmalentine's Day
February 14th. The 45th day of the year. Just another day, really. Hallmark Holiday. There is not a law in humanity that says we must celebrate how wonderful love and relationships are on this particular day. But......
Societal pressures abound. Where do you go that you do NOT get inundated with cards, chocolates, flowers, hearts hanging from every surface - all in colors of pink, white and shades of red. You must profess your love and affection for the object of said love and affection.
What if you don't have one? What if you have no special love for whom to buy a heart shaped box of chocolate? No one to whom you can send a romantic card? No one who will send you one? No flowers arriving at your door via FTD delivery man?
Well. Let's not despair. Really. It's possible not to do so. We can decide not to mope about this lack of romantic interest in our lives, or we can mope, eat a whole box of chocolates ourselves that we bought for ourself. Which will it be?
We single folks can also decide to celebrate a day that focuses on love with all those we love in ways other than romantic. Myself? I bought cards for my kids, and for other single friends who will not have romantic cards sent to them. My cards will tell them how precious they are as friends. My children will also get individual notes in each of their cards, letting them know how unique each one of them is and how desperately I love them.
Another terrific idea would be to have a fabulous party...a wine tasting, a potluck, a dessert extravaganza...for all your single friends, or folks who don't have family near. Just having an excuse for fellowship is a terrific way to celebrate the holiday of love.
If you don't have friends, or some family you'd have for a party...how about giving a card or chocolate to your neighbor, a co-worker, a pastor, an old teacher, a nursing home resident, your mailman or paper delivery boy. Someone in your life would love attention on Valentine's Day as much as you would appreciate it. Give, celebrate loving people like Jesus does.
Speaking of Jesus, could there be any greater love to celebrate than His? Is He not the best Valentine there is? If you will be alone on February 14th, why not make yourself a special dinner, a glass of wine, a treat for dessert - and then sit and rejoice in the Father's love for you, in the gift of Jesus to your life - listen to worship music, dance in your kitchen, light candles...and celebrate the most fabulous love in your life. The truest lover of your soul; Jesus.
You are His Beloved, His Bride..He sings over you with delight when you are His.
Love to you My Valentine's...really.....
We are not alone...we have each other as we are on this quest called, 'Single'.
Societal pressures abound. Where do you go that you do NOT get inundated with cards, chocolates, flowers, hearts hanging from every surface - all in colors of pink, white and shades of red. You must profess your love and affection for the object of said love and affection.
What if you don't have one? What if you have no special love for whom to buy a heart shaped box of chocolate? No one to whom you can send a romantic card? No one who will send you one? No flowers arriving at your door via FTD delivery man?
Well. Let's not despair. Really. It's possible not to do so. We can decide not to mope about this lack of romantic interest in our lives, or we can mope, eat a whole box of chocolates ourselves that we bought for ourself. Which will it be?
We single folks can also decide to celebrate a day that focuses on love with all those we love in ways other than romantic. Myself? I bought cards for my kids, and for other single friends who will not have romantic cards sent to them. My cards will tell them how precious they are as friends. My children will also get individual notes in each of their cards, letting them know how unique each one of them is and how desperately I love them.
Another terrific idea would be to have a fabulous party...a wine tasting, a potluck, a dessert extravaganza...for all your single friends, or folks who don't have family near. Just having an excuse for fellowship is a terrific way to celebrate the holiday of love.
If you don't have friends, or some family you'd have for a party...how about giving a card or chocolate to your neighbor, a co-worker, a pastor, an old teacher, a nursing home resident, your mailman or paper delivery boy. Someone in your life would love attention on Valentine's Day as much as you would appreciate it. Give, celebrate loving people like Jesus does.
Speaking of Jesus, could there be any greater love to celebrate than His? Is He not the best Valentine there is? If you will be alone on February 14th, why not make yourself a special dinner, a glass of wine, a treat for dessert - and then sit and rejoice in the Father's love for you, in the gift of Jesus to your life - listen to worship music, dance in your kitchen, light candles...and celebrate the most fabulous love in your life. The truest lover of your soul; Jesus.
You are His Beloved, His Bride..He sings over you with delight when you are His.
Love to you My Valentine's...really.....
We are not alone...we have each other as we are on this quest called, 'Single'.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What Did You Learn About Yourself In Your Divorce?
The other day, I wrote a bit about moving on into a new relationship
after a divorce. But, since then, I have had a few more thoughts that
I'd like to add to those of my earlier post.
Before considering a new relationship, take the time to contemplate
yourself. What have you learned about YOU while going through your
divorce? What are the things about you that proved to be strengths?
Weaknesses? As you faced each hearing, each trial, each confrontation
with your former spouse, each email or phone call, how did you react?
How did you recover from each activity that brought stress for you?
There are dozens of questions you could ask yourself...and every one
is worth asking.
The reason I suggest this is so that you will examine the health of
your heart, mind, body and soul. You don't want to head into a
relationship with old illness of heart lingering, or soul woes still
clinging to you. It is vital that you have been on a healing road
that has originated from discovering your weaknesses, the actions and
attitudes that existed in your former relationship that need to be
changed or removed from your habits altogether, and honestly assessing
the actions you will NOT repeat and those you will continue to carry
out in relationships.
Let's consider a couple typical areas of relational dynamics that you
might want to examine. Think about your past behaviors and responses
to your former spouse. Were you co-dependent? Did you always try to
make excuses for your spouses behavior? Did you walk on eggshells to
make peace at home? Did you give up much of your hobbies,
your friends, your interests, your SELF in order to make your spouse
feel okay about himself or herself? If so, then this is an issue you
from which you want to learn some powerfully needed lessons and new
thinking patterns. Get counseling for such unhealthy living styles
and habits. Realize your need to be free to think, breathe, relax and
live vibrantly in your own home..in your own skin, even. When you are
strong enough to stand for yourself in such ways, then you have
learned well and are ready to move into a relationship. Until then,
don't. You may very well repeat the same unhealthy, very negatively
charged behaviors in your next relationship.
How about perfectionism? Have you seen any of that in yourself as
you've considered yourself in your last relationship? Are you
expecting perfection from a person? Won't happen. Realize that the
Heavenly Father shows you an abundance of mercy and compassion. Be
willing to pass it on to your next mate. I'm not speaking in
contradiction to the above paragraph about co-dependence. I am
speaking of true mercy where needed. The kind in which you don't
pressure someone to be YOUR version of them.
Happiness? Let's think about you and your happiness. Have you looked at yourself and made sure you will never, ever, ever again think anyone but you can make you happy? Examine your past relationship.
Were you painfully disappointed in your spouse because he or she never made you happy? Did you look outside yoruself for a source of happiness? Happy begins with you; in you. There is nothing outside of you that can make you happy. No one can do this for you.
The Heavenly Father has abundantly blessed us with peace, provision, serenity. refuge, grace, mercy, salvation - in this state, we are so rich. Happiness can be found when we recognize these things from God, but also become comfortable in our own skin, our own gifts, talents, in our own self. Until you realize that you alone are responsible for your happiness, you are not ready for another relationship. You will need too much from someone, and they will always be a disappointment to you as you seek something which cannot be found in them.
Look inside you. Look for happy there. It cannot be found outside of you. Develop this wonderful art of being happy as you thank God for YOU, for your life, your heart, your creativity, your graciousness, your personality...you are wonderful, well equipped for life, and fabulous. Be happy in these truths about you. Delight in simplicity, the sun on your face or the rain droplets on your tongue. Either way, you can be happy. No person can give that to you. You must hide these treasures within yourself. When you get to that private, pleasurable place in your heart, then you are ready to share life with another person.
Come, ask, "What have I learned about ME in this adventure called divorce," join me in the search of the heart, the discovery of the best self available....and let's become that fabulous person, ready to live singley, or share life with another. Either way, we are good.
Love you, Gayle
after a divorce. But, since then, I have had a few more thoughts that
I'd like to add to those of my earlier post.
Before considering a new relationship, take the time to contemplate
yourself. What have you learned about YOU while going through your
divorce? What are the things about you that proved to be strengths?
Weaknesses? As you faced each hearing, each trial, each confrontation
with your former spouse, each email or phone call, how did you react?
How did you recover from each activity that brought stress for you?
There are dozens of questions you could ask yourself...and every one
is worth asking.
The reason I suggest this is so that you will examine the health of
your heart, mind, body and soul. You don't want to head into a
relationship with old illness of heart lingering, or soul woes still
clinging to you. It is vital that you have been on a healing road
that has originated from discovering your weaknesses, the actions and
attitudes that existed in your former relationship that need to be
changed or removed from your habits altogether, and honestly assessing
the actions you will NOT repeat and those you will continue to carry
out in relationships.
Let's consider a couple typical areas of relational dynamics that you
might want to examine. Think about your past behaviors and responses
to your former spouse. Were you co-dependent? Did you always try to
make excuses for your spouses behavior? Did you walk on eggshells to
make peace at home? Did you give up much of your hobbies,
your friends, your interests, your SELF in order to make your spouse
feel okay about himself or herself? If so, then this is an issue you
from which you want to learn some powerfully needed lessons and new
thinking patterns. Get counseling for such unhealthy living styles
and habits. Realize your need to be free to think, breathe, relax and
live vibrantly in your own home..in your own skin, even. When you are
strong enough to stand for yourself in such ways, then you have
learned well and are ready to move into a relationship. Until then,
don't. You may very well repeat the same unhealthy, very negatively
charged behaviors in your next relationship.
How about perfectionism? Have you seen any of that in yourself as
you've considered yourself in your last relationship? Are you
expecting perfection from a person? Won't happen. Realize that the
Heavenly Father shows you an abundance of mercy and compassion. Be
willing to pass it on to your next mate. I'm not speaking in
contradiction to the above paragraph about co-dependence. I am
speaking of true mercy where needed. The kind in which you don't
pressure someone to be YOUR version of them.
Happiness? Let's think about you and your happiness. Have you looked at yourself and made sure you will never, ever, ever again think anyone but you can make you happy? Examine your past relationship.
Were you painfully disappointed in your spouse because he or she never made you happy? Did you look outside yoruself for a source of happiness? Happy begins with you; in you. There is nothing outside of you that can make you happy. No one can do this for you.
The Heavenly Father has abundantly blessed us with peace, provision, serenity. refuge, grace, mercy, salvation - in this state, we are so rich. Happiness can be found when we recognize these things from God, but also become comfortable in our own skin, our own gifts, talents, in our own self. Until you realize that you alone are responsible for your happiness, you are not ready for another relationship. You will need too much from someone, and they will always be a disappointment to you as you seek something which cannot be found in them.
Look inside you. Look for happy there. It cannot be found outside of you. Develop this wonderful art of being happy as you thank God for YOU, for your life, your heart, your creativity, your graciousness, your personality...you are wonderful, well equipped for life, and fabulous. Be happy in these truths about you. Delight in simplicity, the sun on your face or the rain droplets on your tongue. Either way, you can be happy. No person can give that to you. You must hide these treasures within yourself. When you get to that private, pleasurable place in your heart, then you are ready to share life with another person.
Come, ask, "What have I learned about ME in this adventure called divorce," join me in the search of the heart, the discovery of the best self available....and let's become that fabulous person, ready to live singley, or share life with another. Either way, we are good.
Love you, Gayle
Sunday, January 29, 2012
When do you move on after divorce?
I don't know.
Well, that should be the end of this post, shouldn't it? But, I'm going to attempt to go on and offer wisdom and hopefully, common sense.
Moving forward after a divorce is always the best choice....keep taking steps towards healing, towards a good mindset, towards healthy choices for your body, mind and spirit. Seek counseling. Fellowship with good friends and others who will understand your plight as a newly single mom, dad, or person, in general.
Read good books that encourage your spirit and mind. Exercise. Eat with making good choices for your body...and for the right reasons. Don't eat emotionally; eat because you are hungry. Period. Don't use drugs or alcohol to calm yourself down, unless you truly need physiological help in doing so. There are definitely times for SSRI's or other medications, but if prayer, meditation, counseling, exercise or rest help, then use those first. Moving forward in healthy ways is possible in a variety of efforts.
Moving on is another story. Moving on from your former spouse into a new relationship - how long do you wait and how do you approach such a task.
Well...let's see.
First, don't rush. Being without a mate is not the end of the world. You might be alone, but you can do things to prevent loneliness. Be active with friends. Be involved at your church. Have company over often. And while this sounds cruel, it is still a healthy thing...become at peace with solitude. Solitude is not lonely. It is a serene state of mind, being at peace with yourself, knowing you are okay as a solitary human being. You need no one to complete you other than the Father in Heaven through Jesus Christ. Yes, I know it is hard to go to weddings alone, to go to parent/teacher conferences alone, to go to parties alone, to be every place you ever go ALONE! I know how that feels. But, the functions attended alone are no reason to rush into a relationship.
Secondly, decide what type of person with whom you want a relationship, and stick to your guns. Do NOT set yourself up for failure and look for perfection in every area...none of us fulfills that standard. But, do insist on character qualities that are important to you, and if you have children, qualities that would match your needs as a single parent.
Also, be very aware of your tendencies to be co-dependent. This term applies to that type of person who is a nurturer in more than healthy means. Nurturing and caring for someone are parts of relationships. But, if you think you could nurture someone's pain away, or care enough to love them right out of his or her defensive, angry mode, then you are co-dependent, and that is NOT healthy. You cannot make someone healthy. They need to be healthy before you get in a relationship with them.
Last of all for this particular little blog, is do NOT look for someone to make YOU happy. Don't do it.
Get your own self happy before getting into a relationship. Be whole in Christ Jesus before looking for someone to bring delight and fun into your life again. Love yourself. Get counseling if you need to - you are worth it. No one can complete you totally until you are a healthy individual in your own skin. You will suck the life from someone if you look to them to be the ONE to make you whole, happy, alive again.
This is not an exhaustive list of ideas. I'm sure counselors and relationship experts have written book after book, and article after article, detailing such healthy moving on techniques. But, I do know the few ideas about which I've written are indeed necessary before moving on into another relationship after divorce.
Be healthy, respect yourself. Value yourself enough to wait for a great match. Wait for God's best for you in this area of life. Be prayerful. God does know your longing. Trust Him, wait upon Him, and let Him love you as you move forward and move on.
My love to you...Gayle
Well, that should be the end of this post, shouldn't it? But, I'm going to attempt to go on and offer wisdom and hopefully, common sense.
Moving forward after a divorce is always the best choice....keep taking steps towards healing, towards a good mindset, towards healthy choices for your body, mind and spirit. Seek counseling. Fellowship with good friends and others who will understand your plight as a newly single mom, dad, or person, in general.
Read good books that encourage your spirit and mind. Exercise. Eat with making good choices for your body...and for the right reasons. Don't eat emotionally; eat because you are hungry. Period. Don't use drugs or alcohol to calm yourself down, unless you truly need physiological help in doing so. There are definitely times for SSRI's or other medications, but if prayer, meditation, counseling, exercise or rest help, then use those first. Moving forward in healthy ways is possible in a variety of efforts.
Moving on is another story. Moving on from your former spouse into a new relationship - how long do you wait and how do you approach such a task.
Well...let's see.
First, don't rush. Being without a mate is not the end of the world. You might be alone, but you can do things to prevent loneliness. Be active with friends. Be involved at your church. Have company over often. And while this sounds cruel, it is still a healthy thing...become at peace with solitude. Solitude is not lonely. It is a serene state of mind, being at peace with yourself, knowing you are okay as a solitary human being. You need no one to complete you other than the Father in Heaven through Jesus Christ. Yes, I know it is hard to go to weddings alone, to go to parent/teacher conferences alone, to go to parties alone, to be every place you ever go ALONE! I know how that feels. But, the functions attended alone are no reason to rush into a relationship.
Secondly, decide what type of person with whom you want a relationship, and stick to your guns. Do NOT set yourself up for failure and look for perfection in every area...none of us fulfills that standard. But, do insist on character qualities that are important to you, and if you have children, qualities that would match your needs as a single parent.
Also, be very aware of your tendencies to be co-dependent. This term applies to that type of person who is a nurturer in more than healthy means. Nurturing and caring for someone are parts of relationships. But, if you think you could nurture someone's pain away, or care enough to love them right out of his or her defensive, angry mode, then you are co-dependent, and that is NOT healthy. You cannot make someone healthy. They need to be healthy before you get in a relationship with them.
Last of all for this particular little blog, is do NOT look for someone to make YOU happy. Don't do it.
Get your own self happy before getting into a relationship. Be whole in Christ Jesus before looking for someone to bring delight and fun into your life again. Love yourself. Get counseling if you need to - you are worth it. No one can complete you totally until you are a healthy individual in your own skin. You will suck the life from someone if you look to them to be the ONE to make you whole, happy, alive again.
This is not an exhaustive list of ideas. I'm sure counselors and relationship experts have written book after book, and article after article, detailing such healthy moving on techniques. But, I do know the few ideas about which I've written are indeed necessary before moving on into another relationship after divorce.
Be healthy, respect yourself. Value yourself enough to wait for a great match. Wait for God's best for you in this area of life. Be prayerful. God does know your longing. Trust Him, wait upon Him, and let Him love you as you move forward and move on.
My love to you...Gayle
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Unfathomable Peace
Undone by the Unfathomable peace of God. I am there.
My heavenly Father is fabulous, merciful, and working in me to make me mature, well developed in Jesus, and not deficient in any way.
Going through divorce makes the opportunity for this work of God in me.
I never imagined myself going through a divorce. In fact, I insisted the action was an absolute SIN before God, it did NOT fit in any box God would ever use or even look into, and, it was never going to be a word connected to me. Fear of disfavor or disconnection from God was the ultimate foundation for this thinking. In truth, the threat of disconnection from God was often one used on my mind and heart as my own marriage went through so much pain and strife.
Divorce grieves the heart of God. Any lost marriage is beyond description in its sadness. Many marriages are still being carried out in a house, but they are so far removed from God's description of the union that an emotional, spiritual and mental divorce has already occured. I sincerely believe it makes no difference to God the legal status of the marriage if the marriage is in a destructive state. He is grieved either way.
No person marries with the plan of divorcing. I just don't believe this happens. Who would be so foolish to sign up for such pain, disappointment, mess, hassle, and confusion??? Any person who finds themselves in an attorney's office, working out divorce settlement issues, is dumbfounded, aching, yearning for reasonable answers to this constant question filled place in life - What could have been done? Did I do all I could? Am I as bad as he says I am? Was the other woman really better than me? Wasn't I good enough? Is God mad at me now? Am I forgiving or am I faking it and really just a bitter, nasty, angry person?
The divorce process is a place of great pain. For both spouses. There is loss, grief, anger, heartache, fear, doubt, insecurity, loneliness, confusion. On and on the emotions go. But, none of them is sin. God knows each and every feeling we will experience as we walk through the tumultuous adventure.
Sin only begins when you act in anger, speak in bitterness of heart, harbor grudges, gossip and try to get others to take on your offense against your spouse. For these, we must be on constant guard and in a constant state of confession and repentance.
The greater spiritual battle is the lack of peace during the upheaval. But, our Father in heaven is so abundant in supplying a serenity of spirit, at His cost, for us. The ultimate peace came in Jesus when He died on the cross..we have peace with God, our Father. But, daily peace in our living circumstances comes through Him as well. As we trust on Him....believe in His sovereignty, or right to rule, in our lives; believe He has our best on His heart; know His great love for us, and rest in it. His word tells us that when we are anxiety ridden, praying with thanksgiving will allow Christ to displace worry at the center of our lives. And He tells us to think on lovely, pure, just things.....things of good report. An Old Testament prophet says that peopoe with their minds set upon Him will be kept completely whole and in peace.
The Father's word is true an faithful. These mindful choices do, indeed, work to allow His peace to reign in our minds and hearts.
I sleep well at night as I trust in His sovereignty. Calmness of spirit exists because I know He is keeping me in the palm of His hand, with my name engraved upon His heart of love. He will deal with any enemies that are against me, spiritual or otherwise. He is my warrior in all adverse situations.
No lie shall prevail against me, He says. I trust Him to let truth be known, to be my ultimate attorney, my healer of all the broken heartedness and confusion. My God is the one who will clear confusion. He wants me to have knowledge of His will for me. He longs for me to trust him in negative circumstances so His unfathomable peace can blow me away on the whispers of His love.
As you go through divorce, or separtion, or marital strife, rest in Him. Repent where you have need and allow His great spirit of serenity to overwhelm you. It is real. It is for you as you trust in Him.
I have this peace, and I want to share it with you. God has enough to go around. I promise.
My love to all...Gayle
My heavenly Father is fabulous, merciful, and working in me to make me mature, well developed in Jesus, and not deficient in any way.
Going through divorce makes the opportunity for this work of God in me.
I never imagined myself going through a divorce. In fact, I insisted the action was an absolute SIN before God, it did NOT fit in any box God would ever use or even look into, and, it was never going to be a word connected to me. Fear of disfavor or disconnection from God was the ultimate foundation for this thinking. In truth, the threat of disconnection from God was often one used on my mind and heart as my own marriage went through so much pain and strife.
Divorce grieves the heart of God. Any lost marriage is beyond description in its sadness. Many marriages are still being carried out in a house, but they are so far removed from God's description of the union that an emotional, spiritual and mental divorce has already occured. I sincerely believe it makes no difference to God the legal status of the marriage if the marriage is in a destructive state. He is grieved either way.
No person marries with the plan of divorcing. I just don't believe this happens. Who would be so foolish to sign up for such pain, disappointment, mess, hassle, and confusion??? Any person who finds themselves in an attorney's office, working out divorce settlement issues, is dumbfounded, aching, yearning for reasonable answers to this constant question filled place in life - What could have been done? Did I do all I could? Am I as bad as he says I am? Was the other woman really better than me? Wasn't I good enough? Is God mad at me now? Am I forgiving or am I faking it and really just a bitter, nasty, angry person?
The divorce process is a place of great pain. For both spouses. There is loss, grief, anger, heartache, fear, doubt, insecurity, loneliness, confusion. On and on the emotions go. But, none of them is sin. God knows each and every feeling we will experience as we walk through the tumultuous adventure.
Sin only begins when you act in anger, speak in bitterness of heart, harbor grudges, gossip and try to get others to take on your offense against your spouse. For these, we must be on constant guard and in a constant state of confession and repentance.
The greater spiritual battle is the lack of peace during the upheaval. But, our Father in heaven is so abundant in supplying a serenity of spirit, at His cost, for us. The ultimate peace came in Jesus when He died on the cross..we have peace with God, our Father. But, daily peace in our living circumstances comes through Him as well. As we trust on Him....believe in His sovereignty, or right to rule, in our lives; believe He has our best on His heart; know His great love for us, and rest in it. His word tells us that when we are anxiety ridden, praying with thanksgiving will allow Christ to displace worry at the center of our lives. And He tells us to think on lovely, pure, just things.....things of good report. An Old Testament prophet says that peopoe with their minds set upon Him will be kept completely whole and in peace.
The Father's word is true an faithful. These mindful choices do, indeed, work to allow His peace to reign in our minds and hearts.
I sleep well at night as I trust in His sovereignty. Calmness of spirit exists because I know He is keeping me in the palm of His hand, with my name engraved upon His heart of love. He will deal with any enemies that are against me, spiritual or otherwise. He is my warrior in all adverse situations.
No lie shall prevail against me, He says. I trust Him to let truth be known, to be my ultimate attorney, my healer of all the broken heartedness and confusion. My God is the one who will clear confusion. He wants me to have knowledge of His will for me. He longs for me to trust him in negative circumstances so His unfathomable peace can blow me away on the whispers of His love.
As you go through divorce, or separtion, or marital strife, rest in Him. Repent where you have need and allow His great spirit of serenity to overwhelm you. It is real. It is for you as you trust in Him.
I have this peace, and I want to share it with you. God has enough to go around. I promise.
My love to all...Gayle
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Whadda Week....Whew!
What a week it has been already. Actually, beginning with Friday night of last week, the past five days or so have been a whirlwind of change and emotion. And the Father has danced with me through the entire adventure.
My twenty year old son left the nest yesterday. He shipped out for basic training in the Army to Fort Jackson in South Carolina. He is to be in the military for almost four years, so he will be 25 when he returns to be a part of 'normal' family life. Unless he makes the military a career....which would NOT surprise me at all.
On Friday night, my family held a large party for Graham as a send off of love and support by those whom he appreciates in life, support his life, have loved him, and have mentored him. It was a terrrific night with over one hundred thirty in attendance...and that doesn't count little tiny non-eating kids. Having my home so full of a dull roar, laughter, food, running kids, hugs, photo taking, and great people brings the best of delight to my heart. The night was a memory making one, for Graham and for me. The support was good for me as it was for him.
Then, Sunday, friends, extended family and siblings hung out at the house for food, prayer over Graham and general tomfoolery. We had a great time just laughing and goofing around. But, then night fell, and the older kids all took off to go to another friends for one last night of game playing with Graham. After the kids left, my eight year old, Gavin, came running to me and dropped into my lap. He was sobbing in a way I've never heard come from his little body before then. I did not want to bring up Graham if that was not the problem, but I was pretty sure it was the reason for the sobbing.
After a few minutes, Gav walked away to the couch and continued crying. I went to pick him up and hold him and asked for just one word to tell what was making him so sad. "Graham," slipped through his quivering lips, and he sobbed more deeply. At this point, my own heart broke. I held him and just cried with him, told him of God's great love for Graham, Graham's grand adventure, discussed what a terrific brother Graham is to him but that Graham was grown up and needed to move forward. His own time would come later, I explained. We cried some more. After about an hour, Gavin fell asleep on my chest. We slept on the couch that night. I didn't want to wake him.
Next morning rolls around town and we are off and running to school and work....and sayng goodbye to Graham for good. He took the kiddles to school one last time, hugged them all there, and then came home to pack up to leave for Lansing to the Military Entrance Processing Station. The day was difficult for all the kids, but they handled it well. Landon, Graham's older brother, was able to meet him in Lansing at night for dinner with friends....The Last Supper, they called it....and he said his goodbyes and held Graham in a warm hug there. Brothers....wealthy brothers.
Then came Tuesday, January 10, 2012. My 29th wedding anniversary; the one I'm not celebrating, nor am I mourning it. It came. I remembered. And I drove to Lansing to see Graham sworn in and leave on the bus for the airport where he'd fly out to Fort Jackson. A dear friend, Brenda Dillon, drove with me to make sure I had a chauffeur for the ride home in case I was in no shape to drive.
Seeing Graham at attention, at ease, responding to the officer at the ceremony that committed Graham to the Army - I was so proud of him. His head was held high, his voice firm and strong, his body erect and ready for action. Confidence exuded from him, and I saw the look in his countenance of a man ready to do what he'd set out to do - no turning back, no second guessing, sure of himself. I was proud.
After different briefing meetings, Graham was able to sit with us for a bit before being called for shipping out. We discussed some of his financial business, his vehicle, insurance, credit cards, etc. We hugged, sat close, shared our ideas on his going. then he was called out. I hurried to the front desk to make sure this was not his actual leaving time, because I'd not hugged him goodbye before he left the room. A kind gentleman assured me it was not and said I could wait there where Graham would enter again one more time before leaving the building for the bus.
As I stood there, I looked up and saw them coming. A long, single file line of soldiers, walking down the hall they had just traveled a few moments before. Then they went haphazardly, now they were single file, folders in hand, walking purposefully. Over the speakers in the building, "I'm Proud to Be an American' began to play, and the kind gentleman I mentioned before announced over the PA, "Please stand as the newest members of the United States Army pass by."
The entire room of parents, officers, soldiers, recruits, and spouses stood and applauded as the single file line of soldiers passed through the room to get their Army issued back packs.
I was told to head out to the bus so I could say goodbye there. I did...and the tears hit my eyes and the lump filled my throat. Now is the time. He's going. Finally going. He's no longer a part of our household after this moment. No longer will I find his whiskers in the girls' bathroom sink where he uses the haircutting clippers to trim his beard. No longer will I find his coat in the chair. His running shoes won't be waiting at the door anymore. He's in the Army now.
I waited by the bus until Graham came down the MEPS stairs. We hugged tightly, I told him what I wanted him to know, and I told him I loved him. We hugged and kissed and he went to the bus. As he waited to climb the bus steps, we kept flashing the ASL sign for 'I love you'...a special sign for Graham and me. Then, I ran to him and said, "Just one more kiss goodbye....I love you, honey."
Up he climbed. I continued to wave, flash the I love you sign, holding back my tears. I was not going to bawl right there. I wanted Graham to be assured that I am going to be alright.
He had told me in the waiting area that he asked some of his guy friends to be sure to check in on me, make sure I was okay and if I needed anything in his absence. So, I know he has me on his mind. Sweet of him. But, that is like Graham.
I watched until his ride was out of sight, heading for the airport to take him to his new home away from home. The Army has him now. Take good care of my boy, Army.
I love you, Graham.
A lot of change, memory making, sad reminders and emotion this past few days. God's mercies are new every morning. I'm so thankful.
Love you all...thanks for praying for my guy, Graham. And for me.
Gayle
My twenty year old son left the nest yesterday. He shipped out for basic training in the Army to Fort Jackson in South Carolina. He is to be in the military for almost four years, so he will be 25 when he returns to be a part of 'normal' family life. Unless he makes the military a career....which would NOT surprise me at all.
On Friday night, my family held a large party for Graham as a send off of love and support by those whom he appreciates in life, support his life, have loved him, and have mentored him. It was a terrrific night with over one hundred thirty in attendance...and that doesn't count little tiny non-eating kids. Having my home so full of a dull roar, laughter, food, running kids, hugs, photo taking, and great people brings the best of delight to my heart. The night was a memory making one, for Graham and for me. The support was good for me as it was for him.
Then, Sunday, friends, extended family and siblings hung out at the house for food, prayer over Graham and general tomfoolery. We had a great time just laughing and goofing around. But, then night fell, and the older kids all took off to go to another friends for one last night of game playing with Graham. After the kids left, my eight year old, Gavin, came running to me and dropped into my lap. He was sobbing in a way I've never heard come from his little body before then. I did not want to bring up Graham if that was not the problem, but I was pretty sure it was the reason for the sobbing.
After a few minutes, Gav walked away to the couch and continued crying. I went to pick him up and hold him and asked for just one word to tell what was making him so sad. "Graham," slipped through his quivering lips, and he sobbed more deeply. At this point, my own heart broke. I held him and just cried with him, told him of God's great love for Graham, Graham's grand adventure, discussed what a terrific brother Graham is to him but that Graham was grown up and needed to move forward. His own time would come later, I explained. We cried some more. After about an hour, Gavin fell asleep on my chest. We slept on the couch that night. I didn't want to wake him.
Next morning rolls around town and we are off and running to school and work....and sayng goodbye to Graham for good. He took the kiddles to school one last time, hugged them all there, and then came home to pack up to leave for Lansing to the Military Entrance Processing Station. The day was difficult for all the kids, but they handled it well. Landon, Graham's older brother, was able to meet him in Lansing at night for dinner with friends....The Last Supper, they called it....and he said his goodbyes and held Graham in a warm hug there. Brothers....wealthy brothers.
Then came Tuesday, January 10, 2012. My 29th wedding anniversary; the one I'm not celebrating, nor am I mourning it. It came. I remembered. And I drove to Lansing to see Graham sworn in and leave on the bus for the airport where he'd fly out to Fort Jackson. A dear friend, Brenda Dillon, drove with me to make sure I had a chauffeur for the ride home in case I was in no shape to drive.
Seeing Graham at attention, at ease, responding to the officer at the ceremony that committed Graham to the Army - I was so proud of him. His head was held high, his voice firm and strong, his body erect and ready for action. Confidence exuded from him, and I saw the look in his countenance of a man ready to do what he'd set out to do - no turning back, no second guessing, sure of himself. I was proud.
After different briefing meetings, Graham was able to sit with us for a bit before being called for shipping out. We discussed some of his financial business, his vehicle, insurance, credit cards, etc. We hugged, sat close, shared our ideas on his going. then he was called out. I hurried to the front desk to make sure this was not his actual leaving time, because I'd not hugged him goodbye before he left the room. A kind gentleman assured me it was not and said I could wait there where Graham would enter again one more time before leaving the building for the bus.
As I stood there, I looked up and saw them coming. A long, single file line of soldiers, walking down the hall they had just traveled a few moments before. Then they went haphazardly, now they were single file, folders in hand, walking purposefully. Over the speakers in the building, "I'm Proud to Be an American' began to play, and the kind gentleman I mentioned before announced over the PA, "Please stand as the newest members of the United States Army pass by."
The entire room of parents, officers, soldiers, recruits, and spouses stood and applauded as the single file line of soldiers passed through the room to get their Army issued back packs.
I was told to head out to the bus so I could say goodbye there. I did...and the tears hit my eyes and the lump filled my throat. Now is the time. He's going. Finally going. He's no longer a part of our household after this moment. No longer will I find his whiskers in the girls' bathroom sink where he uses the haircutting clippers to trim his beard. No longer will I find his coat in the chair. His running shoes won't be waiting at the door anymore. He's in the Army now.
I waited by the bus until Graham came down the MEPS stairs. We hugged tightly, I told him what I wanted him to know, and I told him I loved him. We hugged and kissed and he went to the bus. As he waited to climb the bus steps, we kept flashing the ASL sign for 'I love you'...a special sign for Graham and me. Then, I ran to him and said, "Just one more kiss goodbye....I love you, honey."
Up he climbed. I continued to wave, flash the I love you sign, holding back my tears. I was not going to bawl right there. I wanted Graham to be assured that I am going to be alright.
He had told me in the waiting area that he asked some of his guy friends to be sure to check in on me, make sure I was okay and if I needed anything in his absence. So, I know he has me on his mind. Sweet of him. But, that is like Graham.
I watched until his ride was out of sight, heading for the airport to take him to his new home away from home. The Army has him now. Take good care of my boy, Army.
I love you, Graham.
A lot of change, memory making, sad reminders and emotion this past few days. God's mercies are new every morning. I'm so thankful.
Love you all...thanks for praying for my guy, Graham. And for me.
Gayle
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
An Adventure with My Father....
No matter my aggravation, my stress, my pain.....I have to testify that my heavenly Father is so abundantly good to me. Even when I deserve none of His mercy, none of His grace upon my life, He showers each of those, and more, all over my life.
A new year has begun. Goodness, four days of the 365 are already past. I was asked on New Year's Eve what my resolutions were to be for the year. The question stunned me to silence. Life has felt so insanely busy, stressed, and full of change, I had not even toyed with one smidgeon of a thought about the new year and resolutions or goals to accomplish in it. Stress began to fill my head at the question when I realized I had planned for nothing as a focus of my time and life. Now, I know, I know, there is nothing in the Bible or any written rule that commands focused plans. But, doggone it, there sure is some wisdom in making such plans and goals. And I realized I had none.
Failure! Failure! Failure! is what my mind started flashing. No plans!! You are accomplishing nothing, Gayle!!!! You are in mere survival mode all the time, Gayle!!! You are not moving ahead!!!! I was hearing these things scream into my thoughts. STOP!!!!
I had to take my thoughts captive and stop the destructive actions right away. I'd have myself soon in tears if I did not.
On that same night of the resolution question, I was challenged with hope filled, thought provoking conversation that had the enticing, sweet sound of the heavenly Father saying, "Gayle, do you see? I'm showing you options out of the survival mode. Listen, Gayle....I'm whispering sweet nothings of love and hope to you, giving you vision for the possible in your life. You can move forward. There are workable means to do so. Don't despair and feel stuck. You are NOT stuck. I have goals and plans for you, my precious Child, and I'm sending you these voices now to show you different ways to carry out those plans. Let your resolutions be My plans for you. Let your goals be guided by me. Let me give you the desires in heart that I want you to possess."
At the end of that conversation, I declared, "I think I have my resolution now!"
No, I don't have a fully laid out plan for my future. But, I DO know topics and ideas to research and study. I know possibilities. And I know someone else believes in me to accomplish some healthy, productive plans for my future and that of my family.
Most of all, I know my Father wants me on this adventure. He has sent a few more people since that night to challenge me in the same manner. I think I hear Him whispering, gently seducing me to His well thought out plans for me. He loves me so much, I should never fear going on this adventure with Him. The heavenly Father paves the way for each step, He goes before me.....why should I ever fear.
Wait, maybe that should be my resolution for Twenty-twelve....stop fearing, trust the Father in heaven.
A new year has begun. Goodness, four days of the 365 are already past. I was asked on New Year's Eve what my resolutions were to be for the year. The question stunned me to silence. Life has felt so insanely busy, stressed, and full of change, I had not even toyed with one smidgeon of a thought about the new year and resolutions or goals to accomplish in it. Stress began to fill my head at the question when I realized I had planned for nothing as a focus of my time and life. Now, I know, I know, there is nothing in the Bible or any written rule that commands focused plans. But, doggone it, there sure is some wisdom in making such plans and goals. And I realized I had none.
Failure! Failure! Failure! is what my mind started flashing. No plans!! You are accomplishing nothing, Gayle!!!! You are in mere survival mode all the time, Gayle!!! You are not moving ahead!!!! I was hearing these things scream into my thoughts. STOP!!!!
I had to take my thoughts captive and stop the destructive actions right away. I'd have myself soon in tears if I did not.
On that same night of the resolution question, I was challenged with hope filled, thought provoking conversation that had the enticing, sweet sound of the heavenly Father saying, "Gayle, do you see? I'm showing you options out of the survival mode. Listen, Gayle....I'm whispering sweet nothings of love and hope to you, giving you vision for the possible in your life. You can move forward. There are workable means to do so. Don't despair and feel stuck. You are NOT stuck. I have goals and plans for you, my precious Child, and I'm sending you these voices now to show you different ways to carry out those plans. Let your resolutions be My plans for you. Let your goals be guided by me. Let me give you the desires in heart that I want you to possess."
At the end of that conversation, I declared, "I think I have my resolution now!"
No, I don't have a fully laid out plan for my future. But, I DO know topics and ideas to research and study. I know possibilities. And I know someone else believes in me to accomplish some healthy, productive plans for my future and that of my family.
Most of all, I know my Father wants me on this adventure. He has sent a few more people since that night to challenge me in the same manner. I think I hear Him whispering, gently seducing me to His well thought out plans for me. He loves me so much, I should never fear going on this adventure with Him. The heavenly Father paves the way for each step, He goes before me.....why should I ever fear.
Wait, maybe that should be my resolution for Twenty-twelve....stop fearing, trust the Father in heaven.
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