Each Easter Resurrection season I try to watch and take in movies that let me sit with Jesus a while and concentrate deeply on what He endured to bring me my salvation, my forgiveness, and my freedom from sin's grasp on my heart.
So it was again this spring. The Passion of the Christ is my favorite choice of rememberances for many reasons. Dozens of facets of what Jesus experienced and what was happening with and to people all around seem accurate and show the spiritual realm clearly. The reality of Satan being at work is shown vividly in this version of Jesus' sacrifice.
From the very beginning, I am struck with Jesus suffering in the garden, praying to the father in heaven with trust, but also agony..."If this cup can pass, please allow it...BUT, your will, Father, not mine." Satan roams about Jesus as he prays, challenging his trust in his heavenly father and his sovereign plan for him. Taunting. Jesus is all alone, without the support of his disciples who keep falling asleep on him. Then, as the story progresses, I can see how satan was at work in Judas, and the spiritual darkness revolving around that betrayal detail of God's plan for Jesus. Then, on display is the horrendous jealousy of the Jews, so insidious they are willing to have Jesus tortured and killed in a most gruesome way, just hoping it will put an end to this stir in the hearts of man that Jesus has created through his truth.
Mary peacefully but painfully, in ways I cannot begin to imagine as a mom, entrusts Jesus to the evil that is happening. How many times does she ponder in her heart the things and events that have gone on in Jesus' life as she raised him, remembering the angel telling her he would save his people from their sins. She has to forgive this horror against her son.
The story is hard. I cannot think of better words, as if the appropriate word for such evil does not exist. Evil. Against sinlessness.
Yet, Jesus took every sin, past, present, and future on himself. The weight of dark sin he bore as he prayed in the garden was immense. And he was experiencing the Father turning away from him, the hopelessness and pain of that, I can't fathom.
All of it is happening as Jesus continues to experience sin against him, even praying forgiveness for those who are killing him, the one who 'sold' him to the Pharisees, the friend who would betray his commitment of loyalty and support to Jesus, the Jewish leaders who cry out that his blood could be on their heads, the Jews and others who mocked him, even a thief on the cross near Jesus was taunting him...still his heart's cry was one of forgiveness and mercy.
I am undone by this when I consider that scripture calls me to forgive as Jesus has forgiven me. He gave up everything to do that. He endured evil to do that. I don't know that I have such strength spiritually or mentally to follow such an admonition.
It feels too hard.
To seek revenge would be usurping God's authority and role of 'vengeance getter.' He declares he will take care of vengeance issues for us. But, the hunger to deal with such matters on my own is ravenous.
Forgive as Jesus has forgiven you.
How is that? Fully, without continual reminders, entrusting my sin to the Father - acknowledging He knows what his son endured to give it to me. I'm reminded that Jesus removed my sin far from me, as far as east is from west, in fact.
So, how do I fully forgive? The human mind twists and turns over and over with reminders of sin against us. We play scenarios over and over in our mind, and we feel the emotions that are chained to those memories. Chained. It is chain that we are bound by as we let those sins against us keep us in turmoil. Big chains, heavy, unbreakable on our own.
But God.
But God is the god of impossible things. He makes a way. He has empowered me and you by his spirit to do exactly what he said to do. Forgive.
Not a human possibility.
In the light of remembering Jesus' crucifixion as the gift that forgave me, I am thinking on how I am supposed to forgive the same way.
If I believe the heavenly Father loves me as much as scripture declares, then, the truth is I can trust him. When I read of being like Jesus and entrusting myself to the one who judges righteously, I am enabled to do just that - entrust myself to him. And my hurt, my fear, my aching heart. Scripture is loud and clear on how much Jesus cares about my anxieties - I can truly cast them on him. Toss them right in his lap. And he will handle them. I can trust that. Those are not just words in the Bible. They are truth about what God can and will do for me. I can forgive others and believe with trust that God knows how much struggle it is to let it go to him, that it is an act of obedience that isn't about my feelings, but my trust in him to honor my obedience, give me peace, and to deal with the offender.
I can trust God to deal with the 'splinter' in my offender's eye as I consider the log in own. And if I am honest with myself, truly and deeply honest, my log is sequoia sized.
Splinter vs. Sequoia. Both given over to God to transform.
That thinking leads me to a better grasp of forgiving. Jesus had a whole lot to cover for me when he hung on that cross. My sin, weighed against 'their' sin, is a humbling consideration when I think on not wanting to forgive someone. Concentrating on this truth is another aid in being able to forgive. Thinking realistically.
A hard truth to feed on is that I must forgive as God forgives me; and I must do so to remain in right relationship with him. But, remembering his love and care make this possible, this hard choice, this letting go of the noose I am holding around someone's neck, entrusting the situation and sin against me to him.
Sometimes, the issue needing forgiveness isn't a 'sin' against me. It may be an inconvenience cast on me by someone, or an inadvertent comment that was truly painful, being left out of something special, or just their choices that affect me. Still, forgiveness is needed. My concentrating on the truth that God knows, He is at work in each situation of my life to lead me, teach me, transform me, and draw me to himself are all actions of taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ and bringing my mind peace in the process.
Forgiveness is possible. Freedom from an unforgiving heart is possible and powerful. Freedom from grudge holding, ruminating thoughts of irritation, and living with hurt feelings is a possibility when I obey the command to forgive.
It is possible when I understand forgiving is not a feeling. It is an action. I can forgive, and so can you, when you choose the act, then know that what your feelings cannot overcome is already covered wholly by the blood of Jesus draining down that cross. That is fact. Not feeling.
The most fabulous power in this choice and act of obedience is the truth of how much the Father in heaven loves me, us, and cares for us, knows our days, sees us and pursues us. When I am hurting, I can still forgive the one who hurt me knowing I am deeply loved and cared about by God. Those folks are getting away with nothing, as is usually our fear about forgiving, because God knows. They either need his love desperately in their own life,or they need his discipline. He can be entrusted to disperse the proper treatment of offender. And if my own heart is at rest and peace before him, I will be profoundly joyful to see that person come to repentance and right relationship with God. I can know they must have been in some deep hurt or sin of their own to do such things to me. But, knowing God loves me without withholding, I can rest in that safely as I hope for that person's own relationship with him. I don't have to be in angst hoping he makes them pay because my heart at peace will prefer knowing they come to peace with him, too.
These things seem crazy at times, but God's word is true, his commands are real, and his love is just as real. I can forgive, as I am forgiven, and know I am loved in it. Nothing is being tossed aside by the Father. God does, and will continue doing, the actions needed in each of my situations and relationships. That trust is the power needed for forgiving.
Think on his love for you, his forgiveness of your own sins and mess ups, and great love for you. God is so trustworthy.
Thank you for your love and your forgiveness, Father.
Thank you for empowering me, and all of us, to rest in you as we forgive others.
You are mighty, Lord.
