Wow. Moving forward in a healthy manner has been a goal of mine for a long while now. Separating from my former spouse four years ago in November was a step in life I never planned, but worked itself into my life story through circumstances too intense in detail to recap here. Since that time, I have read books, prayed, counseled, gone to court, and gone head to head with yuckola to just move on. To take the next step. To get healthy. To be strong.
But, even after almost four years, yuckola still comes to thwart me in my goal of sane living. No kidding. Just yesterday, I received a letter from someone exerting their opinion, will, and judgment into my life. Please understand, this letter was from no one who holds authority, love, connection, care, counsel, or regular communication in my sphere of living. Even so, the letter was no surprise. This kind of person just needs to write those kinds of letters.
Though I know these letters should be laughed at at this stage of my life, they are still joy robbing. They make me aware of just how unpleasant life has been in the past, how people can be cruel when you aren't even expecting a shot from anywhere. So, the letter I received left me feeling like a bus had driven by and splashed mud on me as I stood at the bus stop. Yuck.
When will this insanity stop.
I bet you ask yourself that question sometimes, don't you. You find yourself in circumstances that just seem loooooong, unending, requiring endurance you aren't quite sure you possess. Or endurance you want to expend on such unnecessary interference in your life. You mind your own business, go about your life, and,"BAM!", someone thinks they need to toss a stink bomb on your path. Dang.
This post isn't about the stink bombs. It isn't even about the strife stirring people in your life. It is about God's fabulous goodness in it all.
Facebook is this era's communication power. I am under the assumption it began as a computer site for students, or young folks, to keep in touch. But it has evolved into the world's connecting spot. Business, school, musical groups, authors, friends, family....home to home, city to city, state to state, country to country, it has erupted into a fabulous tool for touching lives..be they close knit kin, or mere strangers with a common interest. It is Facebook that God used to remind me of some truth.
Thank you to my Facebook friends who posted some great truths to point me northward in my thinking when dealing with ugly accusations written in ugly letters.
Phillipians 4 tells us, when we are stressed, to think on that which is true, lovely, of good report, of value, and praiseworthy. God used Facebook to bring me to such a place of thinking. Here is the first writing put before me that spoke to my heart in the places the Enemy was working to discourage:
You might feel like your testimony has been stripped away but God is still unfolding your life story. Don't let the enemy convince you that you don't have a message to share.
Wow, isn't that fabulous truth. No, there is no chapter and verse to post with it, but it is powerfully true from a scriptural perspective. God works in brokenness, loss, woundedness, suffering, persecution, and accusation. He does NOT turn his ear or eye away from those who are seeking Him, from those longing for Him from a heart that is sincere and pure in its motives. He is at work in you until the day of Jesus Christ.
If you have suffered a divorce, slanderous gossip from folks who do NOT know your whole story, destructive acts against you from those bent on your absolute misery, then you know the discouragement that can be heaped upon you as you wonder if God could be at work, if He could possibly ever use you in His kingdom work, if you truly have any purpose before Him. Yes, you do.
I do not speak for God. I am not one to think my opinions are God's opinions. But, truth is truth. God's word speaks over and over of His work in broken lives, changed plans, lost dreams. Thwarted plans of man are often used by God for His glory. It is the design of Satan himself, the father of lies, the murderous spirit, to steal your hope in God's work in you. To kill your enduring spirit as you wait upon God for vindication, for His vengeance on foes, and for Him to work out His ways in you.
God is putting His message in you as you trust in Him. Mark those words, "..as you trust in him...". I'm not saying that just because you have heartache or people gossiping about you, you have a message or story to tell. We could all tell our stories. Every human has a story. It is a message you want to be worked out in you. A message from your life that brings glory to God as you wait on him, respond as Jesus would, trust and wait upon God as he very slowly and patiently carries out the details of your life.
You want a message, not just a story. You want the work of God in you to be left with people after you walk away. And it will be. It will be. No one can steal from you what God is doing. It is the enemy who makes you think your message is gone, destroyed, worthless. It is a lie. Don't fall for it. Don't let the letters, facebook posts, emails, anonymous messages, etc. convince you that your loss, your broken dream, your forgiven sin, your hard choices, or your quiet actions mean you have nothing to offer God, nothing He can use.
Don't do it.
And remember this second Facebook truth:
I am in no competition to be better than anyone else. I need not play a game that pressures me to be like anyone else. I am merely trying to be better than the person I was yesterday.
Wow. Yes. Just focus on bettering the me God is doing His work in daily. I am no one else. I need not compete to be like anyone else. I need not look at anyone with envy, with fear of being undone or outdone, or with complete inadequacy.
I am the workmanship of the creator of the universe. The one who named the stars, put mountains in place, and told animals when to birth their young, everytime, at the same intervals. That organized, powerful, beauty loving God is my author, designer, and maker.
The enemy of creation tells us to look about and feel inadequate. Look around and fear that you will never measure up..for God or anyone else for that matter. Remember it is him, satan.
Stand strong against him. And it does take strength. He is a relentless thief. A deviant liar. He robs of joy in such damaging ways. It is a heart of endurance that is needed to face him. But, remember who gives you that longsuffering soul, the internal spirit of fortitude. Your Father in heaven, your creator. The author and finisher of your faith.
Thank you, Father, for speaking to my heart, to our hearts, from such simple places as computer websites. You can use anything you want to transform our hearts, to refocus our minds, and energize our spirits. You are mighty. Thank you for friends who share words of wisdom and hope. You are so worthy of honor, Lord. We love you. I love you.
And I love you, Friends, as we walk through trials together. Press on.
Gayle
