Where do I find my peace?

Do you know the American Sign Language sign for peace?  Let me see if I can accurately describe it to you:  place your right hand on top of your left hand, palms facing each other...lie them this way in front of your chest, arms bent at the elbows, of course.  Then, slowly slide the right hand in a circular motion until the hands are in what looks like a praying hands position, then continue the sliding motion but pull your hands away from each other as though you are sweeping cares away softly.  The whole motion is a nice, smooth circular one....hands together, circle into praying position, then wipe cares away. 

This is peace.  Hands can be wringing in anxiety, rubbing together as though the friction will produce electricity to get your brain working to solve a problem....then, you remember to turn to prayer, to hand struggles over to God's care, to cast all cares on Him, to praise Him and thank Him for the trial...then, He wipes the cares away from you and on to Himself as the sovereign King.  Ahhh....peace of mind.  Someone really big and powerful has all my cares on His back.  Wow.

The heavenly Father has been so gracious to me of late....well, all the time, but you know what I mean when I say, 'of late'...it means I'm really aware of His work, His leading, His teaching me. He's been so merciful.  And it seems He's impressing upon me the same message over and over again.  Peace. It is found in His son.  Circumstances do not change the condition of peace in which I can exist.  As I allow my praise and petitions to transform worry, stress and anxiety into prayer, then I will have the peace of Christ Jesus.  God promises this to be so in His word.  I believe His word.

One praise practice I've adopted for stressful moments is my ABC's of Jesus.  When I get really riled up, nervous, or overwhelmed, I start thinking of Jesus alphabetically.  Adonai, atonement, adored, access to the Father, beautiful, Bridegroom, brother, bread of life, covenant maker, Christ, deliverer, exalted, endless in love, eternal God, faithful, friend, first and last, glorious, good, gracious, holy, hallelujah, high priest, Immanuel, joy, Jesus, justification, king of kings, Lord of lords, lover of my soul,  messiah, master, mediator, name above all names, omnipotent, omnipresent, only true God, prince of peace, powerful, quietness of my heart, redeemer, refuge, rock, righteousness, salvation, sanctification, shelter, truth, unending love, united with the Father, victorious over sin, wonderful, eXalted, Yahshua, Zealous for the  Father's house....and on and on, I go.  By the time I get through the alphabet...I always, not one time has it failed, feel more relaxed and peace filled.  God inhabits the praise of His people, our minds set up him will bring us perfect peace.  So, I know that my mind completely centered on Christ is what leads to peace filled thinking for me.

When we are anxious, we are told in Philippians 4 to think on a certain variety, or quality of things: good, lovely, just, pure, true, of good report, of virtue, of praise....think on such things and the peace of God will guard your mind in Christ Jesus.  God knows what He's talking about, doesn't He? 

There is a powerful choice we must make in this peace search, though.  We must choose what we will think.  We get to choose the topics of our minds - when agitation comes, do we go down the road of insanity, or do we turn to a road of trust, thanksgiving, God's wisdom, and good counsel?  When a loved one is ill, dying, or badly injured, do we go down the panic road, or believe in God's sovereign care, His timing in the number of their days, and His love for them that is greater than our own?  Any number of opportunites arise in which our  minds must take action. Which action or thought process do we choose?

We get to choose.  We have to choose.  The peace is there...already available.  It is not withheld from us at all.  We just have to do the action of moving towards the giver, accept the gift, and use it in our lives.  Peace..the kind found in Jesus, really works.  I promise.

Blindsided

Living in this world should have taught me by now that walking along a path freely and pleasantly will most often ALWAYS have a moment when I am blindsided by something not so pleasant.  Why am I surprised by anything?  Why do I not learn to expect darts and arrows along the pleasant path, blindsiding me, hitting me from behind, or jumping out at me from a bush along the path?  What is my problem with not learning to enjoy the path while also knowing, with no doubt, that something ugly will jump out at me eventually?  If I would enjoy my journey with this inner knowledge, I could chuckle at whatever creature tries to surprise me or make me wet my britches in fear!

This past couple of weeks have held events that have been those type of blindsiding moments.  Of course, my usual reaction is upset, agitated spirit, fear.  Silly, immature me.  These upsets are mere reminders to me of my low grade in this art class ...this learning the art of being still before God. Knowing He is God.  None of the fiery darts sent my way surprise Him.  He already has plans to use the fire to mold and shape me, to forge into me the image of Jesus. 

I admit to being weary of the heat.  Its constancy is not friendly to me.  Though, even as I type that, I have this sense of the heavenly Father saying, "Gayle, that fiery dart does not seem friendly, but it will do you much good, eventually, if you let me deal with it in your life."

Do you ever get those little whispers from God that make you say, "Really?  Are you sure?  'Cuz this isn't looking too good right now."  

But, yep, that is what I'm hearing.  I even cleaned out my ears to make certain. 

Being blindsided....surprised by outer forces thrust upon you when you least expect them....I want to learn to expect these things to happen in this fallen world; to not let them knock me off my foundation of strength in Jesus.  I want to always seek God in the face of these immediate flashes of frustration.  When I am in difficult situations, I want to seek the Father. When I am delighted in life, I want to praise Him.  When I am in pain, I want to trust Him.  In every moment, I want to worship Him and thank Him.  (Thank you, Terry Gillen, for these thoughts on God.)

Good thing God does not give failing grades to His children in this classroom of life, in this training ground of stillness before Him.  His patience and mercy over me,, as He observes me walking my journey, are such gifts to me.  I get goosebumps when I really sit and ponder how abundantly those two gifts are poured over and over me, soothing me, loving me, calming me.  Wow, God.  You are 'cha'mazing', as my Phillip would say.

A precious friend recently told me to learn to laugh at the unexpected..make it expected so that I CAN laugh.  A hearty chuckle at the insanity of the shape, size, smoke and whizbang noises the fiery darts take on as they head my way.  Be ready, duck outta the way, laugh as they 'whiz' on by...say, 'Yep, that was a new one...wow!', or, 'Dang, never saw that one coming...INCOMING!', or, 'Yep, just as I suspected...it happened.', or, 'Really?  How lame!'

I'll get better with age, I'm sure.  But, just exactly how old do I have to get?  Hmmmm. 

Love to all...expect the unexpected...you won't be so surprised and agitated.  Especially when you know WHOM has the direction of the fiery arrow in his sight, and He will care for you as it flies.

Cancel That....

..yep, cancel that last post.  No divorce.  The former spouse would not consent to the judgment paper work, could not come to the hearing, and multiple other issues that caused the judge to NOT be willing to sign the judgment in good conscience.  Yes, I'm beyond disappointed, fatigued and weary. But, with a bit of time to think on it all, I am still good with trusting God's sovereignty. 

And I'm seeing His hand at work already.  I can see where He is allowing the behavior of others to spin them around and bite them in the behind.  I'm seeing God meet out consequences for poor choices.  He is telling me to sit tight and let Him take all charge, let Him measure out consequences, vengence, and vindication.  I'm still learning the fine art of truly being still before the Father and learning He is sincerely God.  God of the universe, God of me, and God of all activity on earth.  I, on the other hand, am NOT.  

Don't you feel glad for that admission?  You wouldn't want me trying to control your life.  People who try to control others usually end up doing a pretty poor job of it, and mostly just cause strife and grief.   Glad that isn't God's method.

As I sit here writing, I am smiling at the support of dear, loved friends. Two went with me to court Friday.  Both are people I admire, trust, and love.  Both are people of prayer, grace, and love for Jesus.  What better support could I have with me?! My Jody, as I call her, held me and let me weep in the parking lot as I felt the pain of hope deferred.  Dear friend, Mike, insisted on treating me to coffee and a good, hearty breakfast to help me face the day, and to save me from heading out on the road in a very disappointed state of mind.  Both friends kept me from collapsing in despair as I left the courthouse.  Always surround yourself with dear friends. And always be one.

Mike was so wise.  He tried to make me smile at times, but knew that sometimes weeping with those who weep is the better choice.  Letting me cry was the need of the morning.  And he did, indeed, let me cry.  Let me talk.  Let me be quiet and glare.  He was sincerely Jesus to me that morning.  I hope I will be Jesus to anyone who needs me to be in that position someday.  Such a  gift was offered to me.  I want to pass it on.

I'm learning lessons on this frustrating road.  'Keep my  heart a learning one, Father.  Thank you, too, for the lessons learned by my children at this time.' The kiddles are learning to serve their mom in a totally different way. They have seen sorrow on my face, frustration, and many tears. But, they are loving me through them all, and showing such terrific support.  For this, I am duly grateful.

God has plans...and I'm ready to see them unfold.  Psalm 46:10, "Be Still and KNOW I AM God..."

Hard stuff, but well worth the stillness of heart. 

Love to each of you as you learn of this stillness with me.
Gayle

Peace from God, and no one else

Up until this time and over the past two years, I have been under a judgment of separate maintenance.  Michigan does not recognize the legal term ‘legal separation’, but it is the ‘same’ general idea.  I am not married, but I’m not free to remarry.

All that is about to change.   November 18^th, 2011.  Another November date in my life that marks a life changing moment.

Now, don’t get your panties in a wad; I’m not getting married.  NO one has offered that sort of gift to me, or that level of love.  But, I’m being set free. Free from turmoil. Confusion. Boundaries that are so blurry.

I consider it another deliverance.

Many folks have already accused me of sin, of unbiblical choices, of having no Scriptural grounds for divorce, of forcing my former spouse to commit adultery, of ruining my children’s lives.  Yes.  All those things.  I pray often that if I have ever cast unsolicited opinions or advice at someone in a major decision making period of life, that I never offended them. And if I did, then I have asked God to bring them to mind so I can go and apologize.  How do people believe they have such a right in the lives of others?  It causes pain, confusion, and strife.  Why do it?  Do these folks think they have a right to speak into my life in such a way?  I do not know, but I do know the stress they cause.  Such strife drove me to the place I should have gone in the beginning.  I should have sought counsel from sages I trust, then moved forward in making a decision with God, and God alone, as my sole approval ground.

I need no permission….no approval, of man or woman, to make my decisions.  Counsel, yes. Permission. NO.

The day I went to the courthouse to file my paper work as a pro per litigant, which is fancy speak for free, do it yourself attorney work, I prayed as I approached the clerk’s office , “Please, Father, could you let this all be done before my birthday? Can you give me such a miracle? Can you get the judge to waive the waiting period for divorce?  Father, I’m so tired of crap and hassle and grief.  Can you please just set me free?”

The words I heard in the clerk’s office were shocking to me.  The clerk didn’t know how to handle my case since she had never seen a separation work into a divorce because most folk just do a divorce first.  Never a separation in her history.  So, she said the judge was in her chambers and could be approached on the issues of my motion being filed.

After having been gone for about five minutes, she came back to tell me to change my motion from a complaint of divorce to a judgment of divorce, submit it as the retitled motion, and even file a preliminary judgment for the judge to preview, if I desired to do so.

She then gave me the judge’s administrator’s office contact number and told me to get a hearing date, file my notice of hearing with the court, have it served to my spouse and then be ready to be there.

I was dumbfounded.  Judgment is final.  No waiting. 

I left the courthouse in stunned shock.  Did I just hear her right?  This could be done fast.  I prayed that God would let thi all be done before my birthday, which is November 23^rd.

When I sat in my car seat, I started to weep. Then to sob.  God had answered my prayer.  NO waiting period. 

I called my father in tears, told him I was fine, but that I was in an overwhelmed state of mind.  Who could bring me such a peace, but God.  I was having no sensation of second guessing.  Only peace.  There was no guilt feeling.  Only peace.  There was no heaviness of heart or mind.  Only peace and an overwhelmed sense of gratitude.

My phone call to the court administrator the next day yielded more news that dropped me to my knees in gratitude.  November 18^th had many open times for hearings.  I chose nine thirty in the morning.

November 18^th is five days before m y 47^th birthday. 

God granted my pleadings.  He has said, “Gayle, I grieve over the brokenness of a marriage. But, it is not the end of the world, and it does not change my relationship to you.  I love you.  Under my mercy come and wait…we’ll be face to face one day, and until then, I see no stain on you my child.  Your relationship to me is the vital one…not a marital relationship.  Marriage is meant to be an image of something greater and eternal, but it is made of humans who have broken wills, bad relational skills, and an oftimes unyielded mindset to my yearnings for them and their behavior.  This breaks marriages.  This causes pain.  But, you will go on, Gayle.  You will move ahead and I will love you all the while.”

No, I don’t hear audible voices from God, yet I felt that sense of extreme peace and serenity as I heard those thoughts pour into me.  My peace was from God. And He was operating outside of the box for me.  So many times, humans believe God only works within a small boundary.  But, there are multitudes of issues not clearly defined as many critics believe, and God can do as He pleases within those.  I am NOT Him. Neither are you.  It is not my job, or yours, to figure out every little detail God is allowing or doing.  He brings peace and comfort in His own methodology.  And in my case, now, it was the answered prayer..the waiver of a waiting period for divorce.  The consent of the judge to press on quickly.  The Father held me gently, and said, “I’m here, Gayle. You are deeply okay, child of mine.  Press on….I love you so much.”

.

Oh, Father, thank you for peace, for comfort, for answered pleadings.  You know my weakness, my frailty, and you go before me to line the way with your strength for me.

I love you, Lord.

Thank you for your peace.

e e he

I'm Rich!!!!!!

No, I did not win the lottery.  Darn. 

I have family.  I have brothers who would drive a few hundred miles to protect me if I needed them to do so.  I have a sister who is made of pure gold...worth at least a million dollars per ounce.  My folks are deeply good in every way.  I have ten children, a son in law, two soon to be daughters in law, kids' friends, and three precious little grand babies. 

My wealth is titanic in proportion.  It is beyond Donald Trump's, far more than anyone's on Forbe's Fortune Five Hundred list.

I have family.

I have friends.

God's gifts are fabulous when you just sit and consider them all.  Finest of those treasures comes in human form. 

Life has held so many stresses, trials - both legal and relational - heartaches, and insane moments this past few years.  But, I have had people at my back.  Prayers have been spoken on my behalf with a tremendous amount of love and sincerity.  Bonds of friendship and confidentiality have been forged during very private, intimate conversation, prayer, and sharing of tears.  With a formidable force, holding up my hands and strengthening weakened knees, I have faced each of the moments of the past many months.  I did not do it alone.

God sent the valuable riches of His hands, arms, and voice through people.  Friends, new and old.  Family.

Today, my thoughts are turned to these treasures in my life.  Gratefulness is all I can feel.  All I can express.

Thank you my friends. Thank you my family, some of whom are my very best friends.  Thank you, Father.

I am rich.

A Quiet Month

Almost an entire month has passed since I wrote last.  A dear friend, Michael, asked me the other day why I'd not been writing.  I told him I had nothing to say, nothing of value, my time has been so crazy, I've felt dead and flat in my spiritual walk and communion with God.  I figured such a state of mind and spirit was not a healthy one in which to share life with others on a blog that I hoped would edify its readers.

He thoroughly disagreed with me.  Michael felt it would be the perfect time to write; that certainly if I felt this way during a particular time of my journey in the single world, then others would as well. And I did not need to have an answer at the end of the blog.  He expressed that I did not need to come to a perfect, godly conclusion at the end of every entry.  I could leave off in a state of still wondering and seeking, exactly the same way many of us go to bed at night. Wondering.  Seeking. Hoping.  But, knowing. 

This past month or so has been one of the sense of flatness.  Is that a word for feelings? For spiritual conditions? Flat.  Nada. Empty. Lifeless.  Survival mode.  Stagnant.  If I was a pond, I think there would be a lot of green scum floating atop my surface.  I have not felt the vibrant life of a fresh breeze that offers oxygen for life for all that teems below the surface of the water.

I met with my small group Bible study the other night. This is a group of ladies who keep each other accountable, prayed for, safe in confidentiality, and fully loved.  I am one of them.  They are part of me.  At our meeting the other night, I let down my guard and blurted out that I am angry with God and unable to go directly to Him in prayer, Bible study, and need because I am afraid of what He will require of me.  I am so weary of the road I am on in this singleness, I want change.  But, will that change only come when I have to do something of which I loathe the very idea?  Will I have to stay single forever?  Will I have to remarry my former spouse?  I feel like a young college student at a revival meeting, convicted by God to go to the mission field, but she begs God, "I'll do anything you want, just please don't send me to Africa!!!!!"

I want to do anything God asks.  But, I have been fearful.  Fearful that God has only desires to keep me tired, miserable and oppressed in life.  How doggone sick and wrong is that!!!!!! My group of ladies reminded me of God's massive goodness. It is His very character.  He is Love to me, for me and over me.  If He was to ask me to do something tough, would He not prepare the way for me to make it the delight of my heart to do so?  Does He not know my concerns, my heartaches, my yearnings?  Is He not the greatest lover of my soul? 

I've let fear keep me away from my Father in heaven.  And in doing so, I've sought other things to fill the pains and voids.  I've felt empty and lacking in peace.  I've avoided my Bible, for fear of a bright red Bible verse that says, "Take your husband back NOW!"  I've not been able to worship in song.  I've avoided conversations when folks ask how I am.  I don't want to discuss it.  If I had to be honest, it might sound ugly.

It would be ugly. 

Fear.  I have been afraid of God, my Abba, my Father.  What more will He ask of me? How much more skin has to come off my back to appease Him?  Oh, how offensive and hurtful these words must sound to Him.  I sit here in complete awareness of the folly of those thoughts; of how desperately He is drawing me to Himself, how much He loves me; how He longs for me to fellowship sweetly with Him and not fear.  I'm sorry, Father.

Lift me, Father. I'm weary of crap.  I'm tired of strife and tension.  I am sick of being under the microscopic, myopic vision of small minded people.  I long to just be free and at peace in you.  You want me there, don't You, no matter my circumstances?  You want me unafraid, and thus dwelling in Your perfect love, right? Is that what I hear you whispering to me as I sit in this chair by the fireplace?  I think so.

I'm flat.  Like an air mattress long removed from the air pump.  Fill me with you...I will not be afraid.

I love you, Lord.
And thanks, Michael.  I love you, too.

More Ways to Grow During Divorce

Growth Through Divorce, Jim Smoke's book, offers more simple tidbits for healthy movement forward as you go through a divorce or separation.  As I write, I am doing so from the perspective that the divorce is inevitable, has happened already, and working towards reconciliation is not a goal, healthy, or even desired.  That sounds harsh to even type those words, but it is an acceptance of reality.  If you have walked in my shoes, then you understand this reality.

After the simplistic directive to deal with your divorce and all the very drastic life changes accompanying it one day at a time, comes the next piece of advice from Mr. Smoke. Again, I'll not plagiarize his writing, but share with you what I glean from it.

While giving yourself mercy and grace to heal, to move forward and live one day at a time, a step you can take to help this process is to make a very clean break from your former spouse.  When time has passed and you are able to fellowship around your spouse without an emotional reaction of some sort, then you will have more times of being around him or her. But, until that time comes, it is best to establish a very clear set of boundaries and stick to them.

This will include:

Follow visitation schedules to the 'letter of the law' set up through the friend of the court.  If you are in need of some alterations, try to make those calmly with your ex spouse, but if not, stick right to the written schedule, or let the court decide.  In my own case, I really felt it best to let the children see their father as often as possible, coming and going to his home as often as they desired since he'd moved in next door to us.  But, over the months, I realized this lack of clear boundaries and time schedules really created chaos and uncertainty for the kids and for their dad.  The children were never quite sure when they were supposed to stay with daddy and when they could come home.  Very sure boundaries are a guide for all and healthy for everyone's mental state.

Keep clarity about holidays and birthdays.  However your schedule for these things was set up at the time of the custody hearings, follow it.  This will spare you of unnecessary emotional upheaval at unexpected plans or kinks thrown into the gears.

There is no need to go inside or have your spouse come in when dropping off or picking up children for visitation.  When he or she comes to the door, that is where they should stay until the children are ready. Do not ask if a drink or snack is needed, just let the time be spent discussing any needs of the children's visitation time.  This will keep emotional turmoil to a low level.

If an issue over the children or support arises, discuss it calmly. If you cannot, let your ex spouse know it is not a good time to chat, you will pray about it and you can talk again at such and such time on such and such day. Set clear timelines and boundaries. letting him or her know you do indeed plan to continue the conversation; but, will only do so when you feel best prepared to make a sound decision.

This is a hard one, but try to do it for your own emotional health and for being able to move on.  If you get letters from an ex spouse or his family, do not read them.  Give them to a trusted counselor or friend to see if there is anything that needs to be addressed such as a support or visitation issue, but otherwise, don't be curious.  In our emotional growth and maturity during this process, we need to take on the mindset of famous movie stars who REFUSE to read tabloids about themselves.  These folks won't read the National Inquirer, or the critic's columns on their latest movies.  This spares their mind and emotions from battles and lost nights of sleep.  LET'S COPY THEM!!!  Besides being handsome, Brad Pitt is smart on this advice.

Don't be curious about what others think of you.  The folks in your life that are healthy and of value have already affirmed to you what they think. The rest, those who dog you and slander you, are truly messengers of the Enemy to discourage, malign, and steal your peace.  Let their thoughts be like chaff in the wind at harvest time.  You'll be more whole of mind because of it.  They shall give an account for every word spoken; especially those spoken with evil intent.  So, don't be curious over their invectives.  Curiosity killed the cat.  It'll kill your spirit, too. 

The other form of curiosity that will get you is the kind that makes you wonder what your spouse is up to in life.  If you've been betrayed, or hurt, or rejected by a former spouse, it is easy to always wonder about that spouse's activity and if he or she is setting you up again for some kind of hurt.  Or maybe you have considered reconciling and wonder if he's changed.  Don't let curiosity over his life get to you.  Do not drive by his house. Do not drive by his work.  Do not ask friends or neighbors what he or she has been up to socially.  Especially do NOT quiz your children about their other parent.  Trust that if you need to know something it will be revealed.  You divorced or separated for a reason.  Accept that reason and move forward.  Do not try to stay mentally attached through keeping track of your former spouse. Their new life is not your business unless it is harming your children at visitation.

Curiosity...overcome it where your former spouse is concerned.

These are just a few ideas to concentrate upon as you focus on growth, healing and maturity during your divorce and the many days, weeks, and months following.  It's a journey. And remember, journeys begin with one step, then continue for many more.  Take the first steps for your healing journey.

I'm praying for you....Gayle

Growing Through Divorce

                No, that title does not say, ‘Going through divorce’.  It does indeed say, ‘growing’.  And it is possible to do so – to grow though the process of your divorce.  Purposeful focus and direction are necessary for growth to occur, but that growth is a very real possibility for you. For me

                I’ve been reading a book by that very title, Growth Through Divorce , by Jim Smoke, written in 1985.   I don’t want to copy his work, but, I would like to share a few very helpful insights from him on getting your divorce and former spouse in focus for forward movement. For moving on.  For growth and a healthy mindset.

                The first advice Mr. Smoke offers is profoundly simplistic.  And I do mean simple.  Take the detachment ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Duh.  Why do we rush healing? Where do we get the idea that years of pain will be gone in days?   We cannot wish away days and weeks because we think we are ‘not going to make it’.  We are making it. We are still standing.  Do we hurt?  YES, is the resounding cry.  But, we are making it.  Is the future uncertain?  YES, again.  But, we CAN and MUST apply Philippians 4:6-7 to this uncertain future that can bring such worry:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding and comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

                We waste so much mental, emotional and spiritual energy racing back and forth between the past and the future.  Rehashing the past exhausts us.  Fretting over the future fatigues voraciously.  Our energy must be used for the present.  What can we do NOW for healthy choices to move us onward?  How can we rest our minds NOW to bring that calm and serenity that we thrive upon each day?

                Wishing for tomorrow and healing to get here NOW does NOT make today go away.  Emotional healing is a much slower process than any physical healing could ever be.   Even cancer treatments are shorter than healing from emotional woundedness.  We must choose consciously to live in the NOW….as my great friend says, “Breathe in, breathe out and move on.”  Now.  Today only.  NO breaths for tomorrow’s worries.  Just today’s.

                Immediately following the breakup of a marriage, feelings, resentments,   and emotional struggles run high.  If children are involved, constant contact with the former spouse means ongoing reminders of the painful situation.  With proper boundaries in place, child support established, well thought out visitation schedules, etc. the contact can be consistent and the confrontations of pain lessened.  Over time, if both of you choose healthy behavior and responses, the aggravation levels can lower. 

                This takes healthy responses from both of you.  I am sorry if your own situation does not involve healthy minded individuals.  This is a frustration of great weariness. 

But, overall, with a healthy mindset towards healing, you can achieve it.  One day at a time.  Nothing worth attaining in life is ever easy.  I remember that quote from my English teacher in seventh grade.  And it is still true.  Emotional healing will be yours.  Do not rush it.  Let it happen with each choice you make, each new day.

 With the dawning of each new day comes new mercy.  This is true of God.  Let it be true with yourself.  Show yourself fresh mercy each day.   You have changed your role in life, maybe your name even, your identity from married to single, you’re a single parent, the changes have been drastic.  Give yourself grace to settle in to all this altered life.

Grant mercy to yourself as you build reservoirs of strength for all your tomorrows while you face the changes of today. 

You are alive.  You are healing.  You will make it through today.  That is all you need know.

You are still standing.  Keep standing.  Establish your new self one day at a time.

Saturday Sunrise

I just have to start off by saying, "God is amazing."

My drive to work at six thirty this morning was a lovely one because God painted the sky with burgundy clouds, mist rising from fields in swirls and worshipful dance; I was taken to my own place of worship as I looked at it all.  My Father is so abundantly good to me - the One who created and controls all this natural beauty is the One who designed and created me.

Awe inspiring, isn't it?

As I drove, I was thinking about a conversation I had last evening with a young woman in a local shop.  The topic of a wedding being held in last night's cool, drizzling weather was brought up and led this gal to remember her own wedding ten years ago this October.  She said, "I would have been married ten years this next month, but we didn't make it.  My sister and I are both divorced, but she is remarried and happy.  I failed my parents, I'm still single."
You can hear where the thougths in my head are going, can't you?

I shared with this girl that I understood that failure flash.  Recalling my parents' fiftieth anniversary party, I shared the story with this gal of how my own mom was expressing such pride in her four children, their strong homes, terrific grand children. solid marriages, etc. Then four weeks later, my former husband was out of the house.

How do you tell family that your marriage is broken? When do you try to explain it to them, because you are sure they are going to want to know how to explain it to their friends?  Does the feeling of failing them go away eventually?

I know I was afraid to tell my folks.  My siblings.  Aunts, uncles.  Would they be shocked? Disappointed in me?

But, now, a couple years down the road, I realize it doesn't matter.  My marital circumstances are not changed, helped, or distorted by my family's response to one of their own being no longer in an all-American, strong foundational marriage.

Family can support or tear down. My own has been very supportive and prayerful.  Words of encouragement from them have been like gold to me.  I ache for those who do not have family back up. 

Family can interfere and make an already painful situation exhausting and traumatic.  This sort of family backing is so disappointing.  Sad that others don't see the pain they cause, but, humanity is humanity, isn' t it!

While we long for support, the truth is that we must be strong for making our decisions about our marriages.  It is we who face judges, court conciliators, counselors, teachers, employers, etc. etc.  We have to explain relationship changes to our children.  We walk the miles and miles of adventurous trails called singleness.

So, our hearts must speak truth to us that we are not failures.  Our marriages were broken.  We may have failed in some part, but we need not wear a nametag that screams, "FAILURE"!!!  We are not responsible for both sides of a relationship, and cannot take on the burden of our former partner's actions and responses in our marital struggles. 

We broke, experienced trauma and heartache; we cried, we fought, we embarrassed ourselves, we were humiliated and humbled, we tried, we went to counselors. But we are not failures.

None of us married with the goal of falling apart one day.  Hopes are higher than the mountain tops on wedding days.  Not a person on earth can anticipate the zany, crazy, insane issues that can enter a home like a sneaky little mouse that finds a crack in the foundation of a house.  Marriage can be blindsided and crumbling with the damage of a termite's power before you even realize the walls are powder, joists are rotted, and the roof is caving.

Failure is never the goal on a wedding day.  Brokenness happens. We are in a fallen world and perfection will only be experienced in eternity.  Brokenness is not failure.

Being in a marriage that does not make it for all eternity does not make us failures.  We must embrace this truth.

We have not failed our families.  We have been hurt, heartbroken, humbled, and horrified at our circumstances.  But, we are not failures.

I love you, readers....truly.  I'm praying for you. God is so in love with us; let's hold on to that truth.

Who Am I?

Identity:

•  a particular mode of being of a person or thing; existing state; situation with respect to circumstances

• the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another

• the individual characteristics by which a person or thing is recognized

• the state of being the same as a person or thing described or claimed

In a recent note I received via email, I was challenged to consider my idea of divorce, separation, and singleness in a different light.


One of my essays, located at the bottom of this blog page, details the adjectives I have felt applied to my life as a 'not married', separated, going through legal issues woman.  Dirty was one of the words I used.  I never imagined the dirtiness I would feel from accusations, blame, slander, gossip, and lost relationships.  Actually, I never imagined any of that happening at all, let alone the sensations that would accompany it.


But, this recent email I received from a kind gentleman friend, directed my thoughts to something other than ugly adjectives for myself.  He used the word 'identity'; that word up there with all the various definitions after it.  I've been considering it ever since we chatted about it.


I am not dirty.  I have merely changed identity.  This change in identity also includes loss, which makes it painful, but pain is not soiled.


I was once a wife.  Now I a separated woman, with a name, but no connection to a man I once called 'husband.  A marriage license no longer connects my heart to that role.  My identity has changed.  This does not make me dirty.


How have you changed identity?  Did you, too, change marital status? Are you an empty nester, now?  Did you lose or change your vocation?  Have you always identified yourself as Mr. or Mrs. So and So, or someone's Daddy or Momma, or a doctor, a baker, a banker, a teacher?


Our titles may change. But, our character does not.  No longer being married is not an avenue to disaster and smudging of moral character or value.  Losing a job, or no longer caring for any children in the home is not a change in who you are.  It is an alteration of title, of position, not validity or uniqueness.


Yet, I know the loss of these parts of what you do in life is a painful thing, and can even be heartbreaking.  Single, widowed, grieving parent, jobless, parapalegic who was once a sports hero....any number of scenarios cry out the angst of such losses.  But you are still able to be who you were created to be.


Are you becoming THAT person....the one God created you to be?  If you are a believer in Him, you are His Child...not only His creation, but His very relation. That identity will never be altered.  You stand complete in Him no matter your marital, parenting or money making status.


Each of us is created in the image of God....His creativity, His divine attributes of longing for fellowship, talents, love of nature, art, music, wonder...love..He has put each of those within us, in our identity as His image bearers.


My marital status does not change that.  Nor does yours.


I am no longer Mrs. _____ _________.  I am Gayle Kuhnle Hansen.  Made in the image of God. I am creative, loving, kind, outgoing, spastic, funky, compassionate, easily tearful, a hugger, madly in love with Jesus, a writer, a singer, a painter...a friend, a parent, a sister, a mother, a daughter.  None of those parts of who I am have changed because I am no longer a man's wife.  I am the Beloved of Christ Jesus.  As His child, you are, too.


My identity in Him, as the woman He created my to be is solid.  It will not change.  My titles may, my character will not. Marital status does not steal these things from me. I am not dirty.  I have an identity rooted in My Creator, My Redeemer, My Beloved Bridegroom Jesus.  I am whole.

I'm not learning...

Psalm 46:10.."Be still and know that I AM God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all kingdoms."

And in my life, Lord.

Oh, really?

Just how still are you being and letting God have his perfect work in You?
When, exactly, have you stopped thrashing around trying to figure out all the details of life and how each one will play itself out for you?

What did you get that tattoo for, the one that reminds you to be still before God...to let Him BE God in your life? 

I'm wondering now, because I surely haven't been a good student in this ART 101....Art of Being Still Before the Father.  I have tended to jump ahead in my assignmemts and not waited for the details He wants to explain to me for each one.  So, that has meant I've included items that He never intended to be part of the art project. 

Really, this is not a personal butt whoopin' time.  I don't need guilt trips, and I don't thrive on 'should haves', 'oughts' and 'what ifs'.  But, the reality of striving has been shown to me. 
My own striving.

Another version of Psalm 46:10 says, "Cease striving and know that God is God."  Cease striving, stop wiggling, quit being agitated, don't try to figure out life so much; all things I've caught myself doing recently.

How about you?  Are you wrestling with life and the adventures it is throwing at you? Do you fret over the details when there is no possible way you could control them?  Are you believing God is at work in circumstances around you?

Sometimes, I strive. Sometimes I trust.  I prefer the trust option. It offers so much more serenity.

Be still. Stay in a state of serenity. 

Hope Deferred

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick; but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." 

That simple truth is in the Bible.  Since that is true, I'm having the most awe struck sense that the heavenly Father knows our hearts' pains, understands them, anticipates them, and created us with such intensity of emotion to give us the chance to experience those sick moments, as well as those moments of incredible delight.

A precious new friend is on my mind tonight.  And lost love.  

Oh, how hard to direct one's heart when it has gone wild with love, commitment and desire.  That time when your mind, will, and very soul decide that you are intent upon watching someone grow old, walking through life with him or her, yearning for his best and the role you will play in making that happen for the one desired by your heart.  Then it happens.

Your one heart's desire turns to another.

Can there be a greater hope deferred?  Death seems to be. Yet,death is not a choice.   Death comes without invitation or being drawn away from us by another lover.  So, there is great loss in death, but not the deferred hope of rejected love.  Death steals from us, but doesn't betray us.  There is a grave difference.  And I mean no pun there.

Unrequited love.  I remember reading about it in high school.  English literature class....much unrequited love in the great writings of old.  This love not felt by both parties was the topic of many a classic - Jane Austen, Elizabeth Gaskell, even Shakespeare.  Heartache and longing always accompanied such a kind of love as that unrequited.

But, what about the love once offered, freely given, expressed, and shared - then taken away?

Can there be any more intense pathway to hurt, unfulfilled hopes, and sickness of heart?  How is one to go on without sickness of heart, when the heart wrenching truth is evident that the love you once experienced is now being given to another?  Love that belonged to you?

When evidence of such betrayal of hopes appears, a flash of searing heat runs its lightning fast course through your body.  Vomiting comes to mind.  Shaking in every limb begins.  And you sit with heaviness of heart, mind, soul, limbs ...every inch of your body.  You hang your head and cry.  Weep. Sob.

You must forge ahead.  Work must be done.  Homes must be maintained. If you have them, children must be raised.

But how? Even God knows that deferred hope makes a very sick heart.  Sick.  It is a sickness that can blindside you at any turn of the day or night.  In traffic. At work.  At church. While on the phone.  The loss hits you. The love you feasted upon now is the banquet table of another.

Oh, Father, why did You create us with such intense longing? With the ability to feel such fierce trauma to our senses?   Father, it hurts.

I hear you whispering to me, Father.  You know the heartache.  You grieve over the hurt because you do love us so desperately.  That is what I hear you gently speaking in my ear.  I can go on, my friend can go on..because you sing a song of delight and love over us.  Your love is not tangible as a fresh love, a soft kiss, a comforting hug. But, it is profoundly real.  Your love is always stable. Always present.  Always my own. Always.

I'm hearing that song, Father:

You're My beloved, you're my bride.  To sing over you is my delight. Come away with me, My love.

Under My mercy come and wait, until we are standing face to face.  I see no stain on you My child.

I'll take you to my quiet waters, I'll restore your soul. Come rest in Me and be made whole.

I sing over you My song of peace, cast all your cares down at My feet.  Come and find your rest in me."

Love deferred, given to another when it once belonged to you, is still heart wrenching.  But, there is a greater love.  A love that will never betray.  A love that is ever safe, ever true and faithful.  These are not trite phrases. They are truth for our very souls full of wracking pain. 

The Father loves us as a faithful Groom delights in His bride.  Jesus adores us.  His love is solid. It never betrays.  He never gives it to another lover, only His Bride. 

We are His Bride...He loves us and sings a song of delight over us.

Remember this when that heartache of hoped for love that is now deferred hits you with a ferocious blast.  Let the pain have its work of making you strong, making you gain compassion for other hurting hearts, causing you to learn a level of forgiveness in a manner you've never needed before now.  But, within that work, KNOW the Groom's passionate love for you is constant.  Sure. Faithful. Real.

It is a love that will NEVER bring sickness of heart. 

Father, thank you for such a love that is the undoing of my very soul.  You are amazing.  Even in profound pain, you bring me to my knees in worship as I consider your love.

My precious new friend, know this passion is yours.  Human love is fickle.  Love founded with foundations in the Father's love is rarely so. But, the love OF the Father shall never be fickle.  It is sure.  It is yours.

An Audience of One

I love The Message.  I know this version of the Scriptures is sometimes considered not 'legit', or lacking in power...but, oh, the sense of just being spoken to gently by the Lord...I get that from this Bible.

I Corinthians 4:3-4 in the Message says this:

"It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion.  I don't even rank myself.  Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment.  So, don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When He comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of - inner motives and purposes and prayers.   Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!!" of God."

In another version, the NASV, we read this:

But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted but the one who examines me is the Lord. Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God."

Do live your life for an audience of one?

Throughout the years of raising children, as they have wanted to do 'great' things publicly, I've often challenged their motives by asking them,  "Are you willing to perform for an audience of One?  Because when you are, then you are ready to play for a much larger audience."

My advice to them was to make sure their motives for fame were based in glorifying God with their talents and not just being big stars one day.  But, this inquiring counsel can also be flipped and used to clear confusion rather than just settle motives.

I was challenged with this idea over the weekend regarding my life decisions, the constant interventions and unsought counsel I receive, and even the counsel I ask for when making decisions. Do I take such counsel and just lay it at the feet of the heavenly Father, waiting upon Him to clearly direct me in ways that have their motive based in pleasing Him and no one else?

Oftimes, as we raise children, make decisions that are not popular, carry out life as single parents, making major household and relational decisions, our decisions are critiqued quite severely.  This has been the case in my own life.  Has it been so for you?  Do you feel under the microscope lens of someone in your life?  Are you incessantly faced with input from folks who malign your decisions, second guess you and cause confusion?  OR have you sought counsel from wise, chosen advisers only to have them give you conflicting advice which brings more confusion than when you started?

Have people in your life passed on gossip they have heard about you as you walk the hard roads you travel?  Are you feeling very judged for your actions, yet you have never wanted to sin in them?

Well, like me, those verses of Scripture above are for you. 

You perform for an audience of One.  The Only One who truly matters.

Common is the action of allowing ourselves to be confused by conflicting advice, even from trusted advisors whom we seek, or by critical counsel unasked for from others, and our own inner voices of second guessing.  There is no peace in such a mental, emotional, or spiritual state.   These are some of the energy robbing reasons we need to perform our life tasks before an audience of One Critic. 

Do you notice I keep using that same phrase?  Audience of One?

When we live our lives with Him in mind as our most beloved observer, we can be at peace.  Many times, He is less demanding, more merciful and less confusing than any human watching our lives could be. 

Please understand I am NOT discussing those choices in life where your actions affect others in ways that would inconvenience, harm, irritate, or take advantage them.  I am only directing my thoughts towards those actions that are about you, your life, your household and your relationships.  These ideas I’m sharing are directed at the arena of life where you are pressed by others to perform in a manner that would please them, appease them, be approved of by them, and satisfy their need to control you, or make sure you are carrying out your spiritual life their way.

When we feel this pressure, we are most miserable and confused. 

But, let our hearts and actions be laid out before the One that loves us most, and our decisions will be easier, less stressful and completely settled in our minds and motives.  No second guessing needed.

I’m preaching to the choir, here, you know.  The motivation for writing tonight is my own frailty in this world of being judged by others and letting them throw me off course.  It is ME that those Scriptures above spoke to so powerfully. 

I serve the One who created me, gives me breath and life, and sent a beloved child to die for me.  His applause is the applause I want to hear the loudest.  What would it matter to hear the roaring praise of a crowd on earth, if my Father is not in that crowd cheering the loudest?  Do I really yearn to please Him enough that if His is the only set of hands I hear clapping, I’d be whole enough to keep performing for Him, even as others booed or threw a tomato or two?

I’m challenged by my own writing here.  I hope you are as well.

For whom do you make your decisions?  As others toss in their advice on your life, or you seek counsel from a few counselors you trust, are you still willing to lay it all at the feet of the heavenly Father and let Him sift through it with you to decide what is best for you, and what will most honor Him in YOUR life?  I didn’t say the life of a friend, or the pleasure of a counselor.  I said, ‘…honor Him with YOUR life.’

He is a merciful Audience.  Perform for Him, and for Him alone.

Your audience of one.

Love you beloved one…Gayle

Fatigue, Faith and the Father

The week has been long, tiring, full of new happenings at every turn, and a real inspiration to practice my faith.

After twenty-three years of home schooling, my last five children started public school this week. We survived. There were a few tired tears, but we conquered.  Since school was in session, my second job as a director of a program for children after school is dismissed was begun as well.  There were a couple days of my needing to be at work at 6:45 a.m., working until three, and then straight to the church for the second job hours until 6:00 p.m.  I felt pushed right to my limits those days, and I kept thinking about women and men who have done such things as two jobs, single parenting, and surviving it all. Many have gone before me who have been victorious in life changing times, so I was encouraged to remember such truths.

So, now, my household is one of homework, football games, activities, signing sheet after sheet of paper with some notice upon it, youth activities, working mom, dishes piling up, and laundry multiplying and running around the house while we are all gone throughout the day.  (I'm sure I saw a pair of shorts run down the hall and drop down on the floor as I entered the side door the other day....they thought I didn't notice, but I'm positive I saw it happen.)

As I've been sitting in my car at the end of the day, feeling too tired to walk to the door, I've been forced to do nothing but pray.   My heavenly Father knows my fatigue.  My faith in Him tells me that He knows what I need before I know myself.  He loves me that desperately. 

A dear friend and mentor knew of my fatigue and offered the gift of paying for a clinical massage for me this week.  Money for breakfast was even included in the card that informed me of my massage date and time.  Scriptures to read and enjoy with the Lord were offered as suggestions for me to dwell upon as I had my breakfast.  My heavenly Father knew I needed those things, and He inspired my friend to minister to me.  I know it is true. 

I'm hoping as you pray in your weariness, you see answers from Him...that your faith in Him lets you see every gift He sends, no matter its size.

There are different forms of weariness, I know.  Adult life just lends itself to fatigue.  Physical tiredness comes from long hours of work.  Mental fatigue follows sitting at the table and figuring out your taxes.  Spiritual fatigue slips in as you wrestle with God over a painful trial.  Most exhausting, in my opinion, is emotional fatigue or exhaustion; that worn out heart and soul that have faced too many battles too close in succession, or too much pain and loneliness.  This weariness of soul comes wrapped in various sized and shaped packages. 

This week, I received an 'anonymous', unsigned letter in an envelope with a copy of Bible book,  James, chapter one, with verses highlighted that the writer thought were appropo to my sinful life.  Then, also included was a 'Dear Abbey' article on a divorced wife keeping her business to herself.  I'm used to such things as I travel this road of hard choices in my marital separation and divorce choice.  But, they are wearisome still.

Many of you, too, I know, face emotionally draining challenges to your walk of faith, to your strong stands in life, and to your relationships.  Single, divorced, even married, the challenges that arise in relationships can be the most wearisome of all.

But, even in these, I know the Father is faithful and merciful.  I know that letter I received was nothing to be alarmed by; I 'considered the source'.  You know, if you are walking in faith, praying for wisdom, seeking counsel, then the stresses that come from outside sources are ones to be ignored heartily.  We each have to press on in faith, doing what we believe is best, wisest and healthiest for our families and ourselves.  It is exhausting to worry what others think all the time, and it is more exhausting to take the junk of others and let its weight rest upon our lives.  We can set it aside, rest in the Father's guidance and care, and move on. 

These actions bring rest to the soul. When we try to bear too much of the crap that comes our way, then we are sincerely exasperated and fatigued to unhealthy levels.  But, knowing God draws us to Himself, wanting to have us let Jesus bear our yoke of heaviness, and that He will settle all the junk in our lives - this knowledge can bring rest to our lives.  Yes, we still walk through the mine field of mess, but we do so with the peaceful sense of knowing the Father has prepared the way.  He has known our need at this place in life long before we encountered it.  His plans for us have lined the road we travel.  Do you trust Him this much?

Many have written to me to say that this emotional fatigue, or loneliness, or pain in all the areas I've discussed before in this blog, are also very common to married folks as well.  I know this is true.  I've been short sighted to only direct my comments to single people, divorced or separated, or widowed.  Stress hits us all.  In so many forms.  But, as individuals of faith, we can dwell in such places of emotional exhaustion with the knowledge that our heavenly Father sees and intends to bring a form of deliverance to us that will be a balm to our wearied places of the heart. 

I do believe, though, that God also wants us to be resting before Him...being still and knowing He's God and will be exalted.  (Psalm 46:10)  He wants us stopping our fast paced lives and sitting at His feet, or taking naps, letting a messy kitchen sit while we rest, getting good exercise, fellowshipping with healthy friends, ....God loves us, cares for us and brings intercession. But, He does mean for us to take care of ourselves as well. 

So, when fatigue hits, and you pray for help or deliverance or rescue, wait upon God for it.
But, take that nap whenever you can.  Sit and worship with music to soothe a pained heart. Chat with a trusted friend who will edify your spirit.  These things just might be the methods of deliverance God brings as you go to Him in faith, trusting Him to answer your cries of exhaustion.

Don't feel guilty, either, loved one.  That is NOT a gift from God at all.  Stand against it. And stand against any source of nasty guilt from others that only brings emotional weariness to your soul.  You know who those treasures are from, and it isn't your Father in heaven.

Rest your souls, beloved readers.  Fatigue is real. The Father who loves you beyond description is MORE real.  Really.

Love you...Gayle

What to say....

Wow, this past many days have been full of so much 'food for thought'. 

I've been encouraged to press on in my writing because it bugs the masses of naysayers.  I've been critiqued on the validity of my faith.  Others have questioned the value of writing versus the pain I face in the battle of words over my own words and sharing.  One very supportive man just gave me food for thought in his support of my heart, my faith, and my purposes in sharing. 

One thing is certain, I have struck a chord.  A very resonant one.  A small stroke of the 'enter' string on this harp of a computer, and 'POW', the sounds ring out.  Sounds of discord, sounds of support, sounds of cheer, harmony of praise and thanksgiving, cacophony of strife stirring.  Wow.

But, I will press on in writing. My goals are the same tonight, as when I began a few weeks ago.  I want to open my heart to you as God is giving me so much.  HE is filling me, changing me, humbling me, allowing heartache and disappointment that I am sure are driving me to His feet.  And I KNOW others are experiencing the same lessons...so let us share our burdens, our lessons, our delights in the Lord, our pains that cast us at God for care. 

Misunderstanding will occur.  Judgment will happen, of that I am sure.  Critique will cry out. Nasty words will be written. Blessings will rise up.  Prayers will be petitioned.  And I hope to grow from every one of those responses to my writing.  Do you hope for the same in your trials?

Naysayers do not keep me from growing.  I just pray to always be willing to be hurt by them but never become like them.  Let that be your prayer as well if you are going though events in life that others have NO CLUE of the details and make judgment in ways that they know not any truth.  Whether it is divorce, separation, marital counseling, events you choose, actions you take....do all to the glory of God, and let others be left on the sidelines doing their griping if that is their choice. You keep your eye on the prize of following Jesus, glorifying Him as you go. 

That is my prayer after all the responses I've received to my writing lately. 

Support and prayers are gracious gifts of saints and friends.  How good is God to give us pieces of Himself in such edifying moments and words.  Wow, God. You are awesome towards us.  There is NO way I believe God would use nastiness to share His truth.  Oh, I do believe HE uses painful words to guide us. Not all counsel is easy to hear or act upon. But, when His Word is twisted with lies to make a point, I can't believe HE approves such purposes.  He is ALL TRUTH. Satan is all lies.   Mixing one with the other is all lie. 

Truth can be tainted with lies, hypocrisy and venom.  We all must learn to discern the error in these messages. This is vital because as we walk with the Lord, yearning to be obedient, sensitive to wanting to be walking in a manner that glorifies Him , it is easy for us to be sidetracked by cloudy truth.  We yearn for truth so much, we can be persuaded by half truths if we are not careful.

In our positions of already being second guessed, or confronted on our decisions as single moms, folks going through divorce, etc. we have got to be firm in our mindset on truth and right thinking.  If we let every half truth deceive us, or confuse  us....as I have often done...we live in a muddled, chaotic, exhausting mess. 

Make sure the voices you heed are full of truth.  NOt half truth.  Not anger. But, grace and truth.  Ask God for wisdom to know the difference...test those spirits to see if they be of God!!!! 

I'll continue to share my heart as I learn these simple lessons along with you.  And I will be praying for all the readers who comment that they too will walk in truth, no confusion and no pressure to conform to strife filled oppression.

Press on, loved ones....let's keep going. Keep our eye on the goals of glorifying God..of knowing our lives are all about Jesus. Not us.  All things...all is about Him.  We do nothing apart from Him.  We don't breathe, we have no faith, we have no character of strength without Jesus. 

Let us NOT be distracted as HE leads us.  Even in painful paths.

Love to you..Gayle

I just have to say it...

....no matter our place in life; married, separated, divorced, struggling, single, widowed, young, old....we have the great privilege of knowing Jesus, being filled and led by His spirit, and being loved deeply by the Father in heaven. 

Hurts come in all sizes, shapes, forms, sounds, smells and tastes. Every person has them.  But, goodness, God is aware of every one of those hurts in His children's lives.  His eyes are always upon us; His ears always attentive to our prayers - even when to us it seems He is deaf.  He is NOT.

Never will be.

Joys come in all shapes and sizes, as well. And from every direction. We can find them if we but look, search, and desire.  If your heart truly longs to find joy in all God has for you, then you will discover it in a breeze across your face - sensing His touch on your life; in the sound of waves crashing on a sandy shore - realizing His awesome power in all things; in the lightning and thunder that crash after midnight - seeing His constant work in patterns over and over again in nature and in loving us through struggles - always following through with grace, just like the thunder follows the flash; in the taste of delicious foods- seeing that every good and perfect gift is from Him, even a wonderful cheesecake; in a table filled with you family all about it - where He has made you rich beyond measure.  In each of these places, and many more, God sends tidbits of joy to relieve the pains of every day hassles.  They are reminders of deeper things. Eternal things.

His delight in us is powerful - He does truly love us with desperation - and yearns for us to know Him and love Him the same way. 

Sitting before the Father in prayer is precious time spent.  There, you will sense His great love, His guidance, His quiet voice whispering to your heart......the most tender Lover with Whom your soul will ever be intimate. 

Father, thank you for inviting me in to your presence in prayer; for holding me gently through each word I lay in your lap, for catching my tears when I weep, and for hiding me in Your shadowed protection.
You are so merciful, so unfailing in Your love.  Thank you.
I love you, Father. Daddy. Abbagod.

Gayle

Solitude....Alone...or Lonely? Which is it?

When I consider my goal in writing this blog, ministering to those in the single world after divorce, or separation, I realize I am very short sighted.  Living out one’s life as a single person can come from many other sources as well.

We often think that only when a person is the sole adult in a home is he, or she, single or running a home alone.  But, this is far from the truth.  Being alone can come in many forms. 

I know a precious woman who shows strength that seems to have no bounds.  She serves, loves her grown children and grandbabies, works hard, smiles, prays for others….all the while her sacrifices in life running a home alone go unnoticed.  She is married, not physically alone, not divorced or anywhere near one.  This woman of strength is walking through the steps of single life while married. She runs a home alone. She shops alone. She worships at church alone. She mows the lawn alone. She maintains the property alone. 

This woman, and many like her, is caring for a very ill spouse.  His failing health means he is not a part of her day, or her activities.  Sleep is necessary in very large doses for him.  So, she is quiet, to let him get as much sleep as he needs. His meals are often served in bed to him.  She eats alone in the kitchen or in the bedroom with him. 

For those of us on the outside, we have to open our eyes to the many ways this gal’s life is like that of a single or widowed woman.  She needs encouragement and edification as much as any of us. 

Widowed women have the same heartaches and life changes as any single person.  Running a home and family alone is a powerfully heavy load to bear.  In any form the singleness takes place…..getting freedom from abuse,  a death of a spouse, an ill spouse, a spouse in long term hospital care, divorce, a spouse in the military….for its duration,  the time of bearing the load is one of great need for support.

Those folks married to alcoholics, drug addicts, or gamblers….these each bear much of the load of a home alone.  The addicted spouse is often so disconnected from the home and from reality, that the other spouse is sincerely carrying the weight of life alone. Children are raised by the sober spouse, bills are paid by the non gambling spouse, illnesses are nursed by the non­-addict while the addict hides in his or her drug of choice.  Loneliness inside a home results. 

These times of loneliness have extra pains connected to them.  Truly, they do.  Let’s see them through compassionate lenses.  Let’s not envy their being married when our own lives do not include a spouse.  There are marriage situations where one of the spouses is sincerely alone in hauling the household load.

For all of us walking the ‘road’, I want to look at the idea of being alone.  When we say ‘alone’, we often feel a sense of fear or dread.  And ‘loneliness’ is a painful term to dwell upon, as well.  But, there is a difference. 

We can go grocery shopping with no one with us in the car or helping to push the cart, yet not be lonely.  We are alone, but not lonely.  If we look at that time as time for solitude, or even time for seeing many of the friends we know, we do not have to have the sense of loneliness. 

Solitude can be a treasure for us.  It is time for worship, prayer, reflection, planning, dreaming, and hoping.  There is no fear or dread in any of these activities.  And, frankly, when we belong to the Heavenly Father, we are NEVER alone.  Never. 

When I have spent holidays alone, while the kids are with their father, I have often spent a great deal of the day in prayer, worship with music, writing, resting.  Those days have occasionally smacked me with a bit of pity, but, most often, God has blessed me with the thought of considering solitude as my gift from Him.  It means time with Him.

Please, let me state I do NOT believe in being alone all the time. We NEED fellowship with others. Our mental and emotional health are considerably encouraged by exchanges of laughter, chatting, praying, or serious conversation with other humans – family or friends…or even foes.

So, when you feel an overabundance of alone time to the point of feeling lonely, then please INVEST IN YOURSELF and go to a Bible study, go visit a friend, call a grown child for coffee, go to a knitting club, or chess club….go to church, serve somewhere. Volunteer at a school or nursing home.  God will fill your life with fellowship to minister to lonely places of your heart.

For those of you on the outside looking in to the lives of single friends or family members – look also at the man or woman caring for a sick spouse, who never has romance anymore, or date nights, or dinner at restaurants where dressing up is such a treat.  Consider that person married for companionship and is not experiencing it now.  Loneliness can be painful for these folks just as powerfully as it is for the separated or divorced. 

Oftimes, we must choose singleness for safety, for survival, for health, for children, or for sanity.  Very rarely, will you meet someone who chose the life just so they could have more alone time. More solitude.  Many of us thrive on solitude – we are re-energized by it, readied for facing more adventure in this world.  But, then, we all need to turn from the solitary moments and enter the world of humanity.  It is necessary.

If others cannot quite see us in this world – don’t realize we have pains as we dwell here - then let us each take care of ourselves – invest in ourselves as God’s precious treasures – and seek fellowship opportunities, or times of comfort with others.  

We are worth such investment.  And I know the Father agrees with me…He loves us and gave people to us for our health and edification.  And us to them.

I love you, dear reader….I’m praying for you as I write.

Gayle