Still learning. Ever learning. The art of being still before God, knowing He is, indeed, God. Sovereign. All powerful. Always trustworthy. Always loving. Always loving me.
This date, September 20, 2018, finds me single again, divorced for the second time, easily swept into shame at such a fact. But, then. Then. Then, I remember the goodness of my Father in heaven...the one that calls me his own, his child, his peculiar treasure. I remember that He has said he will always forgive what I confess, he will always hear my cry, he will gather me for protection as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing...and I relax. Become still.
At times, I am disappointed in myself for the length of time spent in the the learning process of being still. An artist of stillness is still a title I want to bear. But, like all art - an apprentice must work alongside a master artist, a skilled craftsman - to bear the same, deeply rooted and brilliant ability within the art. Painting, poetry, composition, sculpture - being still. Fine arts. Only learned well when living alongside the master. Copying each technique, each stroke, each note or rest, each chiseled cut for working beauty out of something not lovely in its natural state, or a thing not yet made.
In its natural state, my life could be considered not lovely, not lovely at all. Divorced, stressed, anxious about a good many things - but, then.
Oh, but then, I walk with the Master - Jesus. The Stillness of my soul, he is. The artisan that takes my hand in his to guide the strokes as I paint quietness and trust into my heart and mind. The craftsman that instructs me as I pound the hammer against the chisel, into hard marble removing the unnecessary portions so that the beauty within the hardened stone is revealed. The beauty in me.
Lost marriage, broken relationships, unmet expectations, lost dreams - none of these befoul the glory of the image within the body of marble that is me. Chip, chip, chip, chisel, chisel, beat, pound, pound - polish, polish, polish - loveliness brought forth. A sight to behold. A thing of beauty. One who is at rest in Christ Jesus. Sculpted for stillness before Him. The fine art learned. Be still. Be still and know that I Am God. I will be exalted in all the nations and I will be exalted in all the world. And in you.
He loves me. This I know. Because I know this, I can be still. I can rest. I can trust. I can let him be my vengence, my provider, and the lover of my soul.
He is the master, I, the apprentice. One day, I shall be like him. Each day, I learn.
