Ahhh...a fresh, white screen sits before me, ready for the keyboard strikes to begin filling it. What an invitation to creative flow!!!!
Though not single anymore, I am not yet ready to change the name of this blog...especially since I don't know how to do all that fancy graphic stuff with those letters up there. A friend designed the Single Trials logo for me, and I am clueless about how to make the title something more akin to my new life as a married woman learning how to be a wife again.
Besides that, I still have alot of lessons learned, thoughts gleaned, and wounds healed or healing from the single years. So, my thinking on it isn't over.
The past few days, I have been thinking again on single friends, men and women, who are longing for a companion. It is a painful place to be 'alone' when you have known what companionship can feel like. We are all safe and truly sufficient to live alone, or raise children as single parents, but oh, the ease and restfulness of mind offered to the soul when a partner faces life beside us.
A recent reading of the early chapters of Genesis, and a bit of Donald Miller's book Searching for God Knows What, has me considering Adam in the Garden of Eden. You know the story...where the Creator God designed Adam to steward all of creation, to name animals...and then declared there was no companion suitable for the man, though there were hundreds, if not thousands, of species of animals all around him. Now, this Adam was in complete communion and fellowship with God Almighty. They talked and shared intimate time together. Yet, this story still declares there was not an equal companion for the man. God was enough..yet, He was not.
So, this has lead me to think that the longing for a companion after becoming a single person through divorce or death is not unusual at all. Nor is it unbiblical to long for such company. Yes, I know the passages on divorce and adultery, and the enormous disparity of opinions and conviction on these things, but I am not here to address that idea at present. That could mean writing another book on the subject, of which there are already hundreds. I am merely discussing the longing of the human heart....a heart the Father of Creation made to need companionship.
Please understand, I am not writing to discuss major theological understanding on this issue. I am discussing humanity, humanity that the Father created, that is more complex than the mere 67 books of the Bible could ever begin to cover with all its facets. God designed the human heart. He has spoken need into it. It is for Him to fill our deepest needs...those of the eternal spirit, the part of us that will go on living long after our heart stops beating. He also created the soul, the yearning soul, the one meant to connect to other human beings. We connect through friendships of a platonic nature, but we also crave the fellowship of one special person that will know us intimately like no other on earth will have the privilege.
Thus, my thoughts on my single friends; the ones who want what Edwin and I are growing into in our own lives. We are learning to be spouses to each other...doing the work of loving, listening, serving, and giving in order to be the couple into which God is shaping us for His purposes. My prayer for these folks is a redemption of their hearts....a restored joy in love. These aren't people who lived lurid lives that led to singleness due to illicit choices. They are individuals who have suffered loss, broken heartedness, and wounds that go deep to the bone. I believe with all my heart that the Father in heaven aches for these souls.
I dare not ever speak for God...that would show I think I know his mind, which would be an extreme lack of reverence for the omnipotence and omniscience which belong to Him alone. But, I know how He ministered such love to me, I know His heart is tender for His people, I know He can work outside of the box we humans have designed for him with our feeble minds and ideas. God can and does bring love again. He does restore joy. He does bring redemption. Even when we don't think we deserve it or will never see it.
Yes, the lonely heart needs healing in God alone. Yes, wounds must be dealt with in order to make a person ready to proceed into a new relationship. These things are vital to a healthy renewal of life. Without those two issues dealt with, only pain will exist. And some healing will only come as a new relationship begins and issues of pain are faced....one can't know what will happen in the heart until face to face with an opportunity to test the newly strengthened and healing heart. But, moving forward can happen. God does do that for us.
My prayer for my single friends is a restful heart in the Father's arms...a knowledge of His powerful love, protection, provision, and His banner over them. After that, I pray He brings them love on earth...a hand to hold, arms to squeeze them, a face to wake up to each morning, a heart to hear their own, hands to work out life's trials with, feet to work on a home or car..simple things that are valuable treasures a partner brings to the banquet table of life.
The Father in heaven is able and willing to bring love...partner..companionship suitable to our heart's need. He is enough. Truly. But, He does KNOW our longing.
I love you, my friends.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Single Trials...lesson learned along the way
Wow, I just looked at the date of the last blog I wrote and realized it has been nine months since being creative and thought provoking here on the blog. Quite honestly, my blogs about single life were creating too much personal drama, life interrogation, gossip, and slander, I just gave up on using this media to share my thinking and pondering on all that was happening in me during the days and months living as a woman alone raising several children, working two and three part time jobs, and maintaining a house and home. The stress wasn't worth the energy gained by pouring myself in to creative writing.
But, much has happened in the past several months, and darn it all, I feel like writing again.
For one thing, I'm not single anymore.
That's right. On October 19th, 2012, I was joined in marriage to an amazing man of God, of passion, of commitment, and love...Edwin Cohea. Also, I moved to a town seventy miles away from where I'd lived for almost thirty years. Jobs changed, schools changed, church changed, friends around me changed, name changed, .....a lot changed. But, I'm still standing. Thank you, Father, because I know apart from you, I could not be standing with any strength, worth or grace....you are at work in me.
Moving as a single woman was an astounding task. I was overwhelmed in every way. Without the aid of wonderful friends, I would not have been able to accomplish such a huge task. Surrounding yourself with good friends, folks in a supportive church like I had...these are vital choices for single folks to make. I learned a great deal about humbley asking for and accepting help during the time of the move from a huge house, to a smaller one in a community seventy miles away. Much sacrifice was made on my behalf....I cannot praise God for it enough. I pray often, still, that He blesses those people who gave so much to me then.
During the months leading to my move, I was praying the prayer many single people pray. "Lord, please send someone who will love me well..someone I can respect, love, serve, care about in earnest...someone who will love my children like his own...someone who will love you more than he loves me, because I know if he loves you, he will love me well. Please, Father..I'm weary of being alone, I'm overwhelmed, I want a partner, I want a friend, I don't want to sleep and wake alone anymore. Lord, I know you are supposed to be ENOUGH....and in life, you are...but I long for a tangible hand to hold, Lord. Please understand..I know you do..I know you know my heart."
Well, it was not long after that God sent Edwin. Here's the ripper...you'd be amazed at all the people that think they know the heart of God for me; the ones who declared I was disgusting, adulteress, sinful, not spiritual, sad, etc. Yet, those folks did not know every legal, spiritual, emotional detail of my life, my bills, my circumstances, my mind....or my conversation with my Father. I am beyond grateful for God's work in bringing Edwin to me....the details are so phenomenal to go over in order to see His hand in little tidbits of each happening or conversation between Edwin and me. But, it is easier for people to judge and be offended by my choices, my joy, my delight, than to seek to really know what was happening for me.
Be learned, single friends, that it is often human nature for the heart of man, or woman, friend, family, whoever...to not know what to do WITH YOU when you enter into a joyful place, when you feel or believe God is moving in your life but they do not get it as you do. Many opinions will come your way, many words of judgment, many words of disdain....yet most of those won't come after a nice, long conversation with you as a person gets to know your heart.
Those sharp, fiery darts will be aimed at you in reaction, not response. They will come in letters, emails, facebook posts, comments to other friends. So, get ready to wield a tough skin.
I learned this the hard way. Oh, admonishments came to me...be ready, don't be so open with your life, don't let so many into your business, guard yourself. But, I've always been an open book, so I hid nothing, since I had nothing to hide. When I had joy, I shared it. Yet, I'm here to share with you now...be wise, be tempered, be measured as my husband likes to say. Be wise in whom you trust with your secret joy treasures. No, you are not ashamed of them, but guard your joys and share them with only those who will rejoice with you.
I am NOT saying you won't receive some honest, loving admonishment from someone who truly knows you, has suffered like and with you. If you do, then listen to those folks, receive their words as ones of care and genuine concern. Pray over them. But, only those words. Just let fly those that come from spite, hatefulness, judgment and criticism that has no base in love for you or God. It is not a person who truly fears God, and knows him or reveres Him, that can spew venomous words as though they are from His heart for you. God does not work that way. You don't see that in the new covenant anywhere.
A precious friend recently shared with me wisdom learned when she traversed the same path I have trod this past year. She said she learned to become very intimate with her husband and her heavenly Father; to let her joys be with those two most precious men in her life. Others like to steal joy in the redemption of God in your life. Guard that work.
I learned the hard way. When God is doing redemptive, restorative work in you, your life, or your circumstances...restoring joy to broken places in your heart - rejoice only before the Father and with those you know whose hearts will grasp the deep places to which God has taken you. Do not exploit those treasures like cheap Chuckie Cheese toys won with paper tokens....cherish them and handle them tenderly and with protection as prizes from heaven, given to you in dark places, treacherous adventures, and painful works as God alone can foster in you. These gifts may be personally in you, they may also be in the gifts of love from another....redemption, restored joy, healing, wounds cleansed...delight in them as straight from the hand of God. Boldly give thanks for them and do not let the enemy of your soul steal them through guilt, fear, worry, or the words of unkind people.
I rejoice with you, my dear friends, who are and have been single...who God is loving as a faithful husbandman, and who God may be giving a mate to even today. He is faithful...trust Him with your prayers and with your rejoicing. Your intimacy with Him, your security in Him....precious indeed.
I love you, friends. You are such treasures.
But, much has happened in the past several months, and darn it all, I feel like writing again.
For one thing, I'm not single anymore.
That's right. On October 19th, 2012, I was joined in marriage to an amazing man of God, of passion, of commitment, and love...Edwin Cohea. Also, I moved to a town seventy miles away from where I'd lived for almost thirty years. Jobs changed, schools changed, church changed, friends around me changed, name changed, .....a lot changed. But, I'm still standing. Thank you, Father, because I know apart from you, I could not be standing with any strength, worth or grace....you are at work in me.
Moving as a single woman was an astounding task. I was overwhelmed in every way. Without the aid of wonderful friends, I would not have been able to accomplish such a huge task. Surrounding yourself with good friends, folks in a supportive church like I had...these are vital choices for single folks to make. I learned a great deal about humbley asking for and accepting help during the time of the move from a huge house, to a smaller one in a community seventy miles away. Much sacrifice was made on my behalf....I cannot praise God for it enough. I pray often, still, that He blesses those people who gave so much to me then.
During the months leading to my move, I was praying the prayer many single people pray. "Lord, please send someone who will love me well..someone I can respect, love, serve, care about in earnest...someone who will love my children like his own...someone who will love you more than he loves me, because I know if he loves you, he will love me well. Please, Father..I'm weary of being alone, I'm overwhelmed, I want a partner, I want a friend, I don't want to sleep and wake alone anymore. Lord, I know you are supposed to be ENOUGH....and in life, you are...but I long for a tangible hand to hold, Lord. Please understand..I know you do..I know you know my heart."
Well, it was not long after that God sent Edwin. Here's the ripper...you'd be amazed at all the people that think they know the heart of God for me; the ones who declared I was disgusting, adulteress, sinful, not spiritual, sad, etc. Yet, those folks did not know every legal, spiritual, emotional detail of my life, my bills, my circumstances, my mind....or my conversation with my Father. I am beyond grateful for God's work in bringing Edwin to me....the details are so phenomenal to go over in order to see His hand in little tidbits of each happening or conversation between Edwin and me. But, it is easier for people to judge and be offended by my choices, my joy, my delight, than to seek to really know what was happening for me.
Be learned, single friends, that it is often human nature for the heart of man, or woman, friend, family, whoever...to not know what to do WITH YOU when you enter into a joyful place, when you feel or believe God is moving in your life but they do not get it as you do. Many opinions will come your way, many words of judgment, many words of disdain....yet most of those won't come after a nice, long conversation with you as a person gets to know your heart.
Those sharp, fiery darts will be aimed at you in reaction, not response. They will come in letters, emails, facebook posts, comments to other friends. So, get ready to wield a tough skin.
I learned this the hard way. Oh, admonishments came to me...be ready, don't be so open with your life, don't let so many into your business, guard yourself. But, I've always been an open book, so I hid nothing, since I had nothing to hide. When I had joy, I shared it. Yet, I'm here to share with you now...be wise, be tempered, be measured as my husband likes to say. Be wise in whom you trust with your secret joy treasures. No, you are not ashamed of them, but guard your joys and share them with only those who will rejoice with you.
I am NOT saying you won't receive some honest, loving admonishment from someone who truly knows you, has suffered like and with you. If you do, then listen to those folks, receive their words as ones of care and genuine concern. Pray over them. But, only those words. Just let fly those that come from spite, hatefulness, judgment and criticism that has no base in love for you or God. It is not a person who truly fears God, and knows him or reveres Him, that can spew venomous words as though they are from His heart for you. God does not work that way. You don't see that in the new covenant anywhere.
A precious friend recently shared with me wisdom learned when she traversed the same path I have trod this past year. She said she learned to become very intimate with her husband and her heavenly Father; to let her joys be with those two most precious men in her life. Others like to steal joy in the redemption of God in your life. Guard that work.
I learned the hard way. When God is doing redemptive, restorative work in you, your life, or your circumstances...restoring joy to broken places in your heart - rejoice only before the Father and with those you know whose hearts will grasp the deep places to which God has taken you. Do not exploit those treasures like cheap Chuckie Cheese toys won with paper tokens....cherish them and handle them tenderly and with protection as prizes from heaven, given to you in dark places, treacherous adventures, and painful works as God alone can foster in you. These gifts may be personally in you, they may also be in the gifts of love from another....redemption, restored joy, healing, wounds cleansed...delight in them as straight from the hand of God. Boldly give thanks for them and do not let the enemy of your soul steal them through guilt, fear, worry, or the words of unkind people.
I rejoice with you, my dear friends, who are and have been single...who God is loving as a faithful husbandman, and who God may be giving a mate to even today. He is faithful...trust Him with your prayers and with your rejoicing. Your intimacy with Him, your security in Him....precious indeed.
I love you, friends. You are such treasures.
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